(I’m in line to order behind three people: [Customer #1], [Customer #2], and [Customer #2]’s wife, [Customer #3]. [Customer #1] and [Customer #2] each step up, make their orders, and step back. They also both order the same combo. [Customer #1] ends up stepping away from the counter, causing [Customer #2] to pull ahead. The employee finishes the order and puts it on the line.)

Employee: “[Combo]!”

(As [Customer #1] steps up, [Customer #2] grabs the order.)

Employee: “No, sir. That’s his order.”

([Customer #2] ignores the employee and tries again to take the combo.)

Customer #1: “No, that one’s mine.”

Employee: “Please, sir, your order is coming.”

([Customer #3] steps in.)

Customer #3: “Honey, that’s the young man’s order. Ours is next.”

Customer #2: “He said [Combo]!”

(The wife grabs [Customer #2] by the arm and drags him back away from the counter.)

Customer #3: *to [Customer #1]* “Sorry about him. At times he’s not very bright. Enjoy your food.”

(When I get my order I still hear the couple arguing:)

Customer #3: “Our order is to go. That young man’s food was on a tray. How the hell were you going to carry it?”

(I am working the customer service desk. My manager has just arrived and is standing near me. I am currently helping a customer when another customer lines up behind and this happens.)

Customer #1: *in line, pointing to a small container of hummus* “Could you help me unwrap this?”

Manager: *opens package slightly for him* “[My Name] will help you check out.”

Me: *finishing with first customer* “Hello, sir. How are you today?”

Customer #1: “Fine.” *rips rest of package off before paying*

(Upon scanning the barcode of the package, I notice he has put some change beside it, but the item is slightly more expensive.)

Me: “Your total today is [price].”

(The customer throws down his unwrapped hummus container angrily.)

Customer #1: “NO. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE TWO FOR [PRICE]! THAT’S [SLIGHTLY CHEAPER PRICE] EACH!”

Me: “Unfortunately, you have to buy two items to get that price.”

Customer #1: “NO! IT’S BUY ONE FOR [SLIGHTLY CHEAPER PRICE] AND THAT’S ALWAYS HOW IT’S BEEN AT [THIS STORE] AND [COMPETITOR]!” *throws some random coins down, but it’s still not enough* “THERE! THAT’S ALL THE MONEY I HAVE!”

Me: *not sure what to do* “Uh, I… I’m sorry, sir.”

Manager: “I will go check the sign.”

(Another customer has just lined up behind the irate customer and has obviously heard him yelling.)

Customer #2: “Here.” *holding out enough money to pay for [Customer #1]*

Me: “Oh, are you sure? Thank you so much!”

Customer #1: *still yelling and flailing about*

Customer #2: “Hey, bud, it’s all right. I paid for it.” *hands him hummus*

Customer #1: “You’re a real gentleman, sir!” *gives me a dirty look and leaves*

(In [Customer #1]’s haste, he does not pick up his change, since [Customer #2] has more than paid his hummus. I deduct that from [Customer #2]’s order and thank him profusely. [Customer #2] is also buying a lottery ticket.)

Me: “Hopefully good karma is on your side and you’ll win big!”

(My manager came back and confirmed that not only was there not a current deal for buying two items, but the correct price was also clearly advertised.)

(At the store where I work, when we bag bottles of nail polish, we put them in smaller bags, separate from other items. A customer has purchased some items, and forgoes the bag for her items.)

Me: “Here, please at least let me put the nail polish in a separate bag.”

Customer: “Oh, no, thank you.”

Me: “Are you sure? They are glass.”

Customer: “Don’t worry; I’ve handled a lot of glass items in this bag before.”

(The customer drops the nail polish, and it smashes on the floor. We just stare at it for a second, and then look at each other.)

Customer: “Well… that was good timing.”

(I am at my part-time job during high school. The owners are pretty conservative and religious people.)

Boss: “[My Name], do you have a strong wind?”

Me: “…?”

Boss: “Do you have a strong wind?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t understand.”

Boss: *sigh* “Can you blow hard?”

Me: “Yes, sir, but [Coworker] plays the tuba in band. She can blow harder.”

(To this day, I can’t remember what he needed us to do that prompted him to ask that question!)

(It is just after the release of an AAA title. Any customers wishing to reserve a copy usually put down a five dollar deposit and need to have their receipt in order to pick it up on release day.)

Customer: *walks in arrogantly* “I want to pick up a copy of [Title].”

Me: “We would be glad to sell you a copy; however, all of the ones we currently have are for pre-orders only. I’m afraid we have none left for walk-ins.”

(The customer starts arguing, and our pre-order customers are starting to file in behind him. He remains oblivious.)

Customer: “Do you mean to tell me that all copies of that game are reserved? That’s ridiculous! I want you to sell me a copy of [Title] now, or I’ll call your head office.”

Me: *sly wink to the line up* “Sir, if you would like to purchase a copy, then you’ll have to convince one of the 20 or so people behind you to give up one of theirs.”

(The customer turns around and finds himself staring down an angry mob.)

Customer: *pregnant pause* “I’ll, uh… I’ll go and see if [Department Store] has some.”

(I spent the day bro-fisting the line. It was awesome.)