Phoney Request

, , , , | Right | December 18, 2010

(Our store phone rings. A customer answers it before I can get to it.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “I’m sorry, that is the store phone. Please hand it over to me.”

Customer: “Go away! I’m trying to have a conversation here!”

(I step forward to take the phone away. I hear talking from the other end of the phone.)

Caller: “Why, hello there! Can I order some tampons, some birth control pills, and a thong?”

(Both the customer and caller are male. The customer gets embarrassed and thrusts the phone into my hands.)

Me: “Sorry about that, sir. What would you like?”

Caller: “Oh good, that idiot’s gone. Do you have any Metallica CDs in stock?”

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Some Customers Are Completely See Through, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | December 9, 2010

Customer: “I’d like a caramel apple latte, please.”

Me: “Certainly. Would you like that to go or in a mug?”

Customer: “A mug, please.”

(I grab a ceramic mug and start to prepare the drink.)

Customer: “What? No, I want a glass mug, like the one in that poster over there.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we don’t actually have glass mugs. I think they just used it in that ad so you can see the drink.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! It’s false advertising! I don’t want a caramel apple latte unless it’s in a glass mug!”

Me: “I think you should know that it tastes great whether you can see it through the mug or not.”

Customer: “You’re wrong! The glass mug adds fancy deliciousness! I’m never coming here again!” *storms out*

Next Customer In Line: “I’ll have a caramel apple latte, fancy deliciousness not included.”

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That’s (Not) A Wrap Folks

, , , , , | Right | December 3, 2010

Me: “Good afternoon.”

Caller: “I was there at lunch today and got take out. When I got home I realized I had a salad and not the wrap. Your staff obviously can’t get an order right. You better rectify this. I am not impressed at all.”

Me: “What did you order?”

Caller: “A caesar salad.”

Me: “But isn’t that what you got?”

Caller: “But I wanted the caesar salad wrap. You guys screwed up.”

Me: “We don’t have a caesar salad wrap. Did you tell the cashier that you wanted a wrap?”

Caller: “You have caesar salad wraps, so she was pretty stupid if she didn’t know what I wanted.”

Me: “We have a roma chicken wrap with caesar dressing and feta. Is that what you wanted?”

Caller: “Well, your business is pretty stupid if you call a salad a caesar salad but don’t call a wrap that when you have one. I expect to be compensated for your stupidity.”

Me: “So you want to be compensated because you ordered the wrong item and our staff didn’t tell you that you really wanted something else?”

Caller: “Well… yes!”

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Maybe He’s A Werewolf

, , , , | Right | October 22, 2010

(I work in a shoe store, men’s department.)

Me: “Good morning. Just let me know if you have any questions today.”

Customer: “Thank you. I am looking for shoes.”

Me: “Well, you are in the right store. What kind of shoes?”

Customer: “Shiny grey.”

Me: “You mean a silver shoe?”

Customer: “Exactly! But let’s just call it shiny grey.”

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Popcon

, , , , , | Right | October 17, 2010

(A customer walks up holding a large red bag of popcorn to be refilled.)

Customer: “Hi, could I please get a refill?”

Me: “Did you buy this popcorn today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Oh, that’s weird, because we stopped selling these popcorn bags a month ago. We have black bags now.”

Customer: “Oh…”

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