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Defeat Is In The Cards

, | Friendly | February 27, 2014

(I am with four of my friends at a table. We are playing the game ‘Munchkins,’ an RPG. I have never played an RPG before and am very lost, while Friend #1 loves RPGs but hates this game, and Friend #2 almost always wins.)

Me: “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Friend #1: “Here, let me see your cards.” *looks* “Play that one.”

Friend #2: “You can’t do that. That’s cheating!”

Friend #3: “It’s her first time. It’s fine.”

Friend #2: “All right, but if she wins I’ll be pissed.”

(We keep playing, and Friend #1 keeps helping me.)

Friend #2: “Why do I feel like you two are plotting against me?”

Friend #1: “Because I don’t care if I lose and my cards suck anyway. I just want you to lose and she has good cards.”

(I won. I still have no idea why or how!)

Their Scam Doesn’t Pan Out

, | Right | October 22, 2013

(In our college cafeteria, you can eat as much as you want. I make and cook and cut pizza and serve it on a tray, where students can serve themselves. I have just made two cheese pizzas and put one of them on the serving tray. I have made a backup due to the lunch rush. Two students approach.)

Student #1: “Excuse me; do you have any fresh pizza?”

Me: “The one that is there came out of the oven less than five minutes ago. I’m sure it’s quite good.”

Student #2: “But there’s two pieces missing.”

Me: “Well, someone came and took some pizza since I put it out.”

Student #1: “I want some fresh pizza. Why can’t you give me a piece of the one you have there?”

(The student points to the pizza I just put in the hot box that is used to keep food warm.)

Me: “That pizza came out of the oven at the same time as the one that’s out on the tray.”

Student #1: “But it’s been sitting out.”

Me: “For less than five minutes.”

Student #2: “Fine. Whatever b****.”

(I turn my back to continue making pizzas, when my manager approaches.)

Manager: “Hey, you need to get another cheese pizza out, pronto!”

Me: “Already? I just put one out!”

(A coworker approaches us.)

Coworker: “Dude, did you see what happened?”

Manager: “What?”

Coworker: “Those girls each took four pieces of pizza when your back was turned and threw it out so they could get ‘fresher’ pizza.”

Me: “Are you serious?!”

Coworker: “Yeah! Here they come!”

Student #2: “Do you have a fresh pizza out?”

Manager: “Did you just take an entire pizza and throw it out so that you could get a different one?”

Student #1: “Well she wasn’t serving fresh pizza!”

Coworker: “She’s lying! [My Name] had put that pizza out maybe two minutes before they came here. Two pieces were missing because the guy in front of them took them.”

Manager: “We’re going to have to have a little chat about wasting perfectly good food.”

(My manager had a long talk with the girls and got them to admit that they threw out an entire pizza. After that, my manager gave me permission to refuse service to those two. Thankfully, I never saw them again anyway.)

Taking The Joke The Whole Hog(warts)

, | Learning | October 15, 2013

(I’m sitting in my college’s dining center, when a group of high school kids come up dressed up in a very casual dress/dining wear. The girls are wearing fancy dresses while the guys are wearing tuxedos. This takes place by the ice cream area.)

Girl In Purple Dress: “They’re out of bowls. How can they be out of bowls?”

(The group leaves to get cups instead. In the meantime, an employee comes up and restocks the bowls. Eventually, the group comes back.)

Girl In Purple Dress: “They were out of bowls, and there are bowls now; guys look: it’s magic!”

Me: *sarcastically* “I heard you say they were out of bowls, so I took out my wand and restocked them.”

Girl In Purple Dress: *serious voice* “You couldn’t have done that sooner?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t do magic in front of muggles.”

Girl In Purple Dress: “Oh, okay.”

(The group gets their ice cream and walk off. The employee has been watching the whole exchange.)

Employee: “Did that really just happen?”

Ignorance Like This Is Hard To Beat

, | Learning | October 14, 2013

(I am a student employee in one of the cafeterias in my university campus. I make omelets made to order. We offer the option regular eggs or egg whites.)

Student: “Miss, I’d like an omelet, but I’m vegan.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but omelets are basically egg pancakes with veggies, meat, and cheese stuffed in them.”

Student: “Don’t you have Egg Beaters?”

Me: “We actually do in the back, but it contains egg whites. Do you still want me to make you that?”

Student: “No it doesn’t!”

(I run and grab a box from the fridge in the back.)

Me: “Yes, it does. See on the box? Egg whites are on the ingredient label.”

Student: “Oh, holy f***.” *walks away*

Me: *to coworker* “That was weird.”

Coworker: “I’m still laughing at ‘egg pancake.'”

Liking His School Of Thought

, | Learning | September 27, 2013

(I worked as a cashier in the most popular dining hall on my college campus. Most of the student employees are graduating that year, and stop pulling their weight at work toward the end of the semester, which puts a lot of stress on the few of us that still want to work. We are often understaffed, and the customers aren’t too polite about long lines or struggling service. Since I am at the register, I get yelled at a lot by the students. It is about an hour into a particularly difficult night.)

Student: “Hey, you!”

Me: “Yes?”

Student: “What’s your name?”

Me: “It’s [Name].”

Student: “Alright, [Name]. Do you have a pen? I want to fill out this dining experience response card.”

Me: “Of course. Did you have a problem? I’d be happy to help.”

Student: “Oh, no, there’s no problem! I just wanted to thank you. You’re always smiling when I come in, no matter how hectic it is in here. And you always look me in the eye and greet me and ask me how I am. I failed the last test before the final in one of my classes a few weeks ago, and when I came in here after, you said I looked down and asked me if I was okay, and you really sounded like you cared. I really appreciated it. I just want to make sure the manager knows you’re doing a great job.”

Me: *near tears* “Oh… oh my gosh, thank you! That’s so sweet of you to say!”

Student: “Well you looked like you were having a rough day, so I wanted to let you know I appreciate you working so hard.”

(After getting the comment card, my manager thanked me for doing such a good job, and bought me $10 worth of food from the attached mini market!)