Talking BS With Your BFF’s

, | Learning | May 13, 2014

(It’s my senior year of college. My friends and I are at lunch, discussing what majors and degrees we’re graduating with.)

Me: “I’m getting a B.A. in French.”

Friend #1: “I’m majoring in music, but I don’t know what degree it is.”

Friend #2: “It’s probably a Bachelor of Science.”

Friend #3: “No, it’s a Bachelor of Music, or BMus.”

Friend #2: “Well, I’m majoring in physical education, but I think it’s a BA.”

Me: “Isn’t all education B.S.?”

Everyone: *giggles*

(I meant that I thought all education degrees were Bachelors of Science!)

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Slow But Unsure

| Working | April 25, 2014

(My friend is having a bad day. She goes down to the cafeteria to grab a ‘grab-and-go’ sandwich, but there are none. She goes over to the woman at the sandwich counter.)

Friend: “I can’t find any of the grab-and-go sandwiches.”

Employee: *cheerfully* “Oh! I didn’t make any because it was slow.”

Friend: “I wish I didn’t have to do my job when it’s slow.”

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There’s A Twist At The End

, | Right | April 15, 2014

(I serve ice cream on a buffet line in the college’s cafeteria. There’s vanilla, chocolate, and twist on the soft serve machine.)

Student: “Can I have some soft serve vanilla ice cream?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we ran out.”

Student: “Oh. Then can I have the twist?”

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Destroying The Song, Solo

| Friendly | April 9, 2014

Friend #1: “Whenever I reread something now, I find that I missed a lot of sexual references and dirty jokes the first time around.”

Friend #2: “Me too. It took me forever to realise that the song Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go was about masturbation.”

Friend #1: “That song is not about masturbation!”

Me: “It was. What did you think it was about?”

Friend #1: “Well, a couple, and he wants her to say goodbye properly before she leaves in the morning. Actually, I think you guys are just overly dirty-minded.”

Friend #2: “So how do you explain ‘I don’t wanna miss it when you hit that high?'”

Me: “Maybe he reeeeally likes to see her drink her triple espresso in the morning… and then he wanna hit that high, too. That totally makes sense, right?”

Friend #1: “You two are destroying my childhood.”

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Defeat Is In The Cards

, | Friendly | February 27, 2014

(I am with four of my friends at a table. We are playing the game ‘Munchkins,’ an RPG. I have never played an RPG before and am very lost, while Friend #1 loves RPGs but hates this game, and Friend #2 almost always wins.)

Me: “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Friend #1: “Here, let me see your cards.” *looks* “Play that one.”

Friend #2: “You can’t do that. That’s cheating!”

Friend #3: “It’s her first time. It’s fine.”

Friend #2: “All right, but if she wins I’ll be pissed.”

(We keep playing, and Friend #1 keeps helping me.)

Friend #2: “Why do I feel like you two are plotting against me?”

Friend #1: “Because I don’t care if I lose and my cards suck anyway. I just want you to lose and she has good cards.”

(I won. I still have no idea why or how!)

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