Demoted To Phone Answerer

, | UK | Working | April 13, 2017

(I work in a little deli/cafe as a part time job in a very small village. It’s an extremely informal atmosphere and everyone is always joking with each other and our regular customers. The owner is also the chef (and an extremely good cook); unfortunately, he is also the only chef we have at the moment so he’s been working every day including weekends since January. We also have some problems with telemarketers. Despite being told explicitly, and sometimes angrily, that we’re really not interested and not to call again, they continue to do so up to about six times a day. The biggest problem with the calls is that we only have one phone line and they often call when we are very busy, like around lunch time. This means that it blocks incoming take away orders and distracts one of people working. On this particular day we’re just calming down from a rush but the front counter is still very busy but the kitchen is okay so when the phone rings the owner picks it up in the kitchen. Normally he just tells them to “F*** Off” and puts the phone down, but he seems to be in a bit of a silly mood.)

Owner: *talking on the phone* “Hello, this is [Deli]… Look you’ve been told before we’re really not interested! STOP. CALLING. US! The owner doesn’t work here so there is no one you can talk to… Me? I’m just the chef, mate; I have no control over who our energy supplier is… All right, then. Bye.”

(The front of house is now clear so I feel like a bit of banter.)

Me: “So, [Owner], you’ve demoted yourself? What did you do?”

Owner: “Oh, it’s been a steady series of f*** ups. My constant insubordination, slacking, and undermining my ability to manage my staff didn’t help either.”

Me: “Sounds awful. I’m surprised you put up with yourself for so long.”

Owner: “Yes and the final straw came when he did a poo on table two.”

(We exchange blank looks at each other through the hatch as I don’t quite know how to respond and I don’t think he knew he was going to say that.)

Owner: “I took it too far, didn’t I?”

One Compliment Complements Another

| Australia | Friendly | April 5, 2017

(I am overweight but have been losing weight; it’s gotten to the point that others are noticing. I meet up with a couple of friends for our Friday coffee. The last couple of weeks had been hard, I had a lot of pressure at work and our family had lost a loved one.)

Friend #1: “Wow, you look great!”

Me: “Oh, thanks.”

Friend #2: *an older male* “You look so relaxed’ *he knows how tense I’d been*

Me: “Thanks, the worst is behind me now. Now that that the funeral is over I can start settling down and there’s just one more week left before everything goes back to normal at work.”

(Both friends reassure me that I have done well. Afterwards I go to see to other friends who are having a conversation. I stand quietly by so they can still talk.)

Friend #3: “Wow, looking good, [My Name].”

Friend #4: *a younger male 20 years my junior* “Wow, [My Name], you do look great.” *he turns back to their conversation before turning back to me* “I’m not just saying that. I really mean it. Let’s put it this way, if you take a walk past a construction site you are going to be deafened by the wolf whistles.”

Lattes And Sugar And Foam, Oh My

| Canada | Right | March 31, 2017

(During an average shift at my café:)

Me: “Large latte!”

Customer: “No! I ordered a cappuccino with no foam!”

Me: “Oh, sorry. Same thing. Latte is cappuccino with no foam”

Customer: “You’re all useless!”

(A little later:)

Me: “Two lattes and a mocha.”

Customer #2: “Oh, my God I ordered a mocha and two lattes!”

Me: “…”

(A little later:)

Customer #3: *demands to see which skim milk we use to ensure it’s skim enough* “Okay, that will do. And I’ll have some whip cream on top, too.”

Me: “…”

(A little later:)

Me: “Would you like any sugar in your take away coffee?”

Customer #4: “No, sugar is POISON. I’ll have nine sweeteners.”

Me: “Sorry, was that nine?”

(It was. A little later:)

Customer #5: “I’ll have a caramel iced coffee without the caramel.”

Me: “So just a regular iced coffee?” *caramel ice coffee is a dollar more*

Customer: “CARAMEL ice coffee, just no caramel. Are you awake? Jeez.”

Me: “No worries.”

(I could write a novel.)

Got Owned And The Owner Wasn’t Even There

| Pembrokeshire, Wales, UK | Working | March 20, 2017

(We regularly get call centres phoning up wanting to speak to the owner, attempting to sell us broadband/electric/etc. In order to make sure it is legitimate we ask them for the owner’s name, who is female, and if they are right we will pass them on.)

Me: “Hello, [Cafe]. How can I help?”

Call Centre: “Can I speak to the owner?”

Me: “Do you know the name?”

Call Centre: “Bob?”

Me: “Nope.”

Call Centre: “Dave?”

Me: “Nope.”

Call Centre: “Am I close.”

Me: “Not at all.”

Call Centre: “Okay then, bye.”

The Bananas Were Killed Humanely

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | March 2, 2017

(My Vietnamese coworker asks me to help a customer as he does not quite understand her question.)

Me: “Hello. What can I help you with today, ma’am?”

Customer: “I was just wondering if there is any chicken, fish, or pork in your banana bread?”

Me: “No… there is no meat of any kind in our banana bread.”

Customer: “I always check. I’m a vegetarian, you know.”

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