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Almost As Bad As “If It Doesn’t Scan It Must Be Free”

, , | Right | August 30, 2021

I take to-go orders at a local bistro. I see a customer standing off by himself, and I’m not sure if he has been helped.

Me: “Have you been helped yet?”

Customer: “No one can help me except a psychiatrist.” *Winks*

Me: “…”

Customer: “Anyway, the order’s name is [Customer].”

Totally Speechless

, , , , , | Right | August 30, 2021

The café I work in has just added some new items to the menu. I am mute, so I work in the back either washing dishes or prepping food. After a quick bathroom break, I am heading back to my station when a woman approaches me.

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. I wanted to try one of your new sandwiches, but I’m having trouble deciding. Which one do you recommend?”

She seems very polite. I point to my mouth, then my throat, then shake my head, trying to convey my lack of speech. She smiles and nods, and I think she understands. Then, she gets really close to my face. Keep in mind, this is during a certain health crisis, and everyone is supposed to be staying six feet apart. This woman is wearing a mask, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is now about an inch from my face.

Customer: *Now screaming* “WHAT SANDWICH DO YOU RECOMMEND?!”

Now everyone in the café is staring at her. After the shock wears off, I point to my ear and give a thumbs-up, and then I point to my mouth and give a thumbs-down.

Customer: *Speaking normally* “Oh, you can hear; you just can’t talk.”

I nod.

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

She walked up to the register without an apology. I will never forget the utter confusion on her face when my manager told her to leave. He also gave me a free cookie.

Cheese-Louise!, Part 3

, , | Right | August 24, 2021

Barista: “Is that everything?”

Customer: “Yeah. I was gonna get a ham and cheese sandwich, but there are none left.”

Barista: “There’s one right here.” *Points to a sandwich*

Customer: “That’s ham and cheddar. What’s cheddar?”

Related:
Cheese- Louise!, Part 2
Cheese- Louise!

Easy As Pie And Cool As Cake

, , , , | Working | August 23, 2021

Our supermarket cafe has a very strict rule for staff: no eating the food unless you’ve paid and are on break. It’s an absolute rule, and it’s a fireable offence. We have a hot food line out front where customers can select food, but we also have a back area where we grill food to order and have the big dishwashers and refrigerators. We’ve all been guilty of grabbing a snack here and there, but if a manager is around it’s an absolute no-no.

Our fresh cream cake slices — usually three different kinds — are all individually plated and marked with the date. It’s late in the day, and our manager has just instructed us to pull all of yesterday’s cakes and mark them down. Then, he headed out into the main store. We finish the job, but as no managers are around, my coworker keeps one piece of cake back and starts eating it.

She is standing there, fork loaded with cake halfway to her mouth, when the manager walks in deep in conversation WITH OUR AREA MANAGER. Everyone freezes. The coworker, cool as a cucumber, carries on, eats the mouthful of cake, and then says:

Coworker: “Yes, the customer was right; this is stale. I’ll pull the other slices.”

Then, she breezed out, collected two other plates of cake, and recorded them as “waste” as she binned them.

I’m pretty sure the manager knew what was going on, but she got away with it.

He Would Have Been Bitter No Matter How Sweet The Drink

, , , , | Right | August 19, 2021

I work in a popular cafe in the city, and I handle some of the orders. It is a Saturday night.

Me: “Hello, sir! I’m [My Name]! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Gimme a mocha Frappuccino.”

Me: “Coming right up, sir!”

I return a couple of minutes later with his mocha Frappuccino and ring him up. He pays and I hand him his drink.

Customer: “Took you long enough.”

Me: “Enjoy your drink, sir!”

Customer: *Scoffs* “I doubt I will.”

He leaves but soon returns with his drink in hand.

Me: “Was something wrong with your coffee, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, I ordered the mocha Frappuccino, and this is a chocolate drink, not the mocha.”

Me: “Sir, you do realize that mocha means chocolate, right?”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t. Even if it did, this isn’t one.”

This goes on a couple more times. He then proceeds to slam his drink down on the counter so hard that it splashes everywhere. My male manager sees and comes to check on me.

Manager: “Sir, is there something wrong?”

Customer: “Yes, this incompetent lady here claims that this is a mocha frappuccino when it obviously isn’t.”

Manager: “Wait, [My Name] messed up your order? That’s not like her.”

Customer: *Getting angry* “Well, you obviously don’t know her, then! I ordered a mocha Frappuccino and [My Name] gave me this crappy chocolate drink!”

Manager: “Sir, mocha means chocolate. She did give you the right order. It seems that you’re the incompetent one, not [My Name].”

The customer turns red.

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

Me: “Maybe the multiple times I explained that to you?”

Customer: “You’re a girl! You don’t know anything! You’re just a little b****!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you start insulting our employees.”

Customer: “You’re all motherf****** b****es!”

We eventually called security and got him out of there, and he never did get a replacement for his drink.