When I worked at a cafe, I had one lady come in every day before work and make nasty comments. She was horrible. One day, I had finally had enough.
Customer: “So, are you going to college, or is this pretty much it for you?”
Me: “Are you going to be worthy of the oxygen you breathe, or is this pretty much it for you?”
I got a write-up, but she didn’t try any s*** with me again, so… worth it.
I met a guy back at the end of college. We were on our first date when someone walked by with a golden retriever. The dog sniffed us as he passed, his tail wagging like crazy.
Me: “What a happy boy.”
Date: “Dogs are stupid.”
Me: “Sorry, what?”
Date: “Pets. Like, what is the point?”
Me: “Companionship, affection, someone to come home to? A therapist that won’t judge you?”
Date: *Shaking his head* “That’s what a wife is for.”
Me: “So… no pets in your future, then.”
Date: “Absolutely not.”
Me: “Oh. Okay, well… I don’t think we will have another date after this, so—”
Date: *Stunned* “What?”
Me: “Did you want to finish the meal, or I can just give you cash now? I’ll pay for everything so you aren’t out any money.”
Date: “Over f****** dogs?!”
Me: “Is there anything that would change your mind?”
Date: “No. Would you give up having pets?”
Me: “No. Look, I don’t want to disrespect you by continuing something with no future. I love pets and I will always have them, so—”
Date: “You’re serious.”
I put down enough money to cover both of our meals, plus a tip.
Me: “Thank you for your time. Good luck with dating.”
[Date] spent weeks texting me, noting all the reasons it was better to not have pets. Bullet dodged!
I work at a natural history museum that has an earthquake simulator. I am working in the café, and a tourist is telling me about her visit.
Customer: “Oh, we’re having a great day! We went to your earthquake and volcano section and tried the earthquake stimulator!“
Me: “The earthquake sim-ulator! Yes, that’s always a favourite.”
Customer: “Oh, yeah, it was a really good stimulation! We all had to hold on while we were shook about!”
Me: “Yes, it’s a pretty good sim-ulator!“
Customer: “I might go try the stimulator one more time before I go, but maybe without the kids. They got scared last time.”
Me: “Yes… that might be best.”
I am working the closing shift at my café that’s located in a mall. My café is well known for doughnuts, but we also serve specialty coffee: cortados, cup sets, flat whites, etc. We don’t have whipped cream, syrups, etc.
Our doughnuts (and other pastries) are made fresh every morning and driven to the various cafés for the company in the city.
My location closes at 9:00 pm. We’ve been sold out of doughnuts since 3:00 pm or so, and we have a big laminated sign we put on the case when we run out that says this.
It is 8:40 pm.
Customer: “Hey! Are [Café] doughnuts still a thing?”
Me: “Absolutely! Unfortunately, we’re sold out for the day, but we do normally have them.”
Customer: “Okay… what flavours do you have?”
Me: “We have a ton!”
We literally have some twenty-plus flavours and then another eight or so that are gluten-free.
Customer: “Do you have descriptions or anything?”
Me: “If you head onto the [Café] website, you’ll see pictures and descriptions of every flavour.”
He steps back with presumably his girlfriend, and they start looking at the website on their phone. I don’t think too much about it, figuring they just want to see their options for next time. Keep in mind I’m standing at the till, which is directly beside the big, empty display case.
Customer: “Do you have a Boston cream?”
Me: “Usually, yeah! But unfortunately, we’re out of doughnuts for the evening.”
At this moment, I realize the sign has fallen off the front of the case, and because they’re still looking at their phone, I step around the counter to put the sign back up. You know, that one that says we’re all out of doughnuts.
A minute or two passes, and the guy steps forward… and tries to order three different flavours.
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry but unfortunately, we’re out of doughnuts for the evening.”
Customer: “You can’t make more?!”
Me: “…no. We get them delivered fresh every morning. I’m sorry.”
Customer: “That was a waste of time!”
I told this man and his girlfriend three separate times we were out, standing beside a sign that said we were (after I fixed it), and he still had the audacity to get mad at me.
A customer is standing by our pastry case and behind the glass. They ask me a question. I think I hear, “Two cinnamon rolls”, so I ask for clarification.
Me: “How many cinnamon rolls would you like?”
Customer: *Loud and slow* “I. SAID. HOW. ARE. THE. CINNAMON. ROLLS.”
Me: “Oh, they’re really good.”
She ends up getting one, and as I’m ringing her out, I ask her to swipe her rewards card.
Customer: “Where do I swipe?”
Me: *Pointing to the PIN pad* “Right there.”
The customer tries to tap their card.
Customer: “Why is it not working?”
I reply with about half the attitude and volume she gave me.
Me: “Swipe. Your card. Here.”
I point to the PIN pad again, but this time I use my other hand, so it doesn’t cross over the screen.
Customer: *Finally swipes her card* “Oh, I thought you pointed to the screen.”
She was rude, but it felt good to give her some of her attitude back.
