Jesus Is The Muffin Man

| New Zealand | Food & Drink, Religion

(A customer approaches the counter, slowly emptying her pockets of coins. The amount comes to $2.60.)

Customer: “I will take two muffins, please.”

Me: “No problem; that will be $9.”

Customer: “What?!” *gestures toward her change on the counter* “But I only have this.”

(I point out various food items that can be purchased for that price, but she shakes her head vehemently.)

Customer: “No, I don’t want those. I want two muffins!”

Me: *starting to feel apologetic* “Well… um. It’s $9.”

Customer: *stares at me for a long moment* “Don’t you have a heart?”

Me: *uncomfortable* “Er, yes? Of course I do.”

Customer: “If you had a heart, you’d give me my muffins!”

Me: “I really need this job, ma’am. I can’t afford to be fired for giving food away.”

Customer: “But it’s just a job! Jesus will love you if you give me muffins! That’s much better than a job!”

Totally Estúpido, Part 2

, , | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I have a Hispanic name, but was born in raised in the United States; therefore, I have no accent. The phone rings and I’m the closest so I go to pick it up.)

Me: “Having a great day at [Restaurant]. This is [Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: *beep*

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: *beep*

Me: *I try one more time before hanging up*

Customer: “English.”

Me: *in an overly enthusiastic voice* “Having a great day at [Restaurant]. This is [Non-Hispanic Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s better. I think I got the Spanish line when I first called.”

Doesn’t Have The Tea-Total

| Milton Keynes, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(I am in a train station and figure I’ll get a cup of tea from the on-site cafe as I have about an hour until my train.)

Me: “How much for a cup of tea?”

Employee: “£1.50.”

Me: *checks change in my pocket* “Never mind, I don’t have enough.”

Employee: “How much do you have?”

Me: “£1.33.”

Employee: “That’ll do. It’s too cold to go out without a cuppa!”