Breakfast Rush To Conclusions

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Working | November 4, 2016

(Our cafe stops serving all breakfast at 3:00. Our dockets are also labelled with the time they were sent to the kitchen and who sent them.)

Chef: “[My Name]!”

Me: “Yes?”

Chef: “What is this?”

(I glance over the docket, worried I’ve missed something in the order.)

Me: “Uh… a bacon and egg roll?”

Chef: “Yes. And what time is it?”

Me: “2:15?”

Chef: “Exact… Oh, f***. I thought it was past 3 and was getting ready to rip into you! D***!”

We’re Living In A Bag Dystopia

| KY, USA | Right | October 27, 2016

(I’ve just finished ringing up a customer’s to-go order.)

Me: “Would you like a bag for all that?”

Customer: “Oh, do you have bags?”

Me: “Y-yes. Would you like one?”

Customer: “Ooh, could I have one?”

Me: “Um, sure.”

(I guess it sounded too good to be true.)

Making A Mug Out Of You

, | Southlake, TX, USA | Right | October 21, 2016

(I work at a bakery and cafe that uses regular words (small, med, large) for coffee sizes, but having worked for the Siren in the past, I know their language, too.)

Customer: “…and a tall coffee.”

Me: *repeating back order* “…and one small coffee.”

Customer: “NO. I said TALL. T-A-L-L. I don’t know what words you guys use here, but I need a tall.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I used to work at [Competitor] so I know that tall is small for them. We make it easy and just use small, medium, and large.”

Customer: “Fine, whatever, a regular then.”

Me: “Okay, so one medium coffee?”

Customer: “YES.”

(We finish the transaction, which ends with me giving her a medium paper cup for the self-serve coffee. Afterwards, I step away from the register for a moment to help run food and bus tables. I return to the register to see the same customer walking up.)

Customer: “I need a cup.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, did I forget to give you one?”

Customer: *holding up the cup I gave her* “No, I need a CUP. C-U-P.”

Me: “Do you need a second one, to double-cup it?”

Customer: “NO, I spent so long telling you what size I wanted that I forgot to tell you that I want a CUP.”

Me: “Oh, do you want a ceramic mug? Let me go get you one!”

(The real kicker is, we only have one size mug so we could have avoided all this if she started with that!)

Coffee Is Brewing And So Is Trouble

| Tampa, FL, USA | Right | October 19, 2016

(I am a customer standing in line behind an elderly couple while they place their order with the cashier. I’m already quite annoyed since the lady held up a line of people outside in the tropical storm so she could stand in the doorway and shake off her umbrella until she was satisfied it was dry enough. Then, the man held up the line while he tried to decide what he wanted, but refused to lose “his place” in line. Finally…)

Cashier: “Okay, Mr. [Customer], your total is [amount]. Will that be for here or to-go?”

Husband: “For here! Always for here! Here is all we get!”

Wife: *pacing the counter over and over* “Where is the coffee? Why is there NO coffee for us?”

Cashier: “It’s brewing, ma’am. The customers before you took the last of it. I will be glad to bring it to your table once it’s ready. It won’t be long.”

(The cashier turns around to start toasting their bread and getting things ready for them.)

Husband: *leans over the counter* “Let me see the bread slices.”

Cashier: *holds up the slices* “Are these okay?”

Husband: “Let me see the other side!”

Cashier: *still holding them up, she turns the slices around for him to inspect the other side, still smiling*

Husband: “That is NOT toasted! Run them through again!”

Cashier: “I assure you, sir, they will be crispy. Our toasters are designed to not burn the bread, but they are toas—”

Husband: “AGAIN!”

Cashier: “Of course! I just want to make sure you understand they could get burnt if they go through again. It’s a set time; I can’t take them out sooner.”

(The husband grumbles and the cashier places the slices back in the toaster, giving the rest of us a “Sorry” look.)

Wife: *still pacing the counter* “They don’t have ANY coffee! No decaf, nothing! I can’t believe this. They know we come here; it should always be ready.” *she grabs a young male cashier that’s mopping nearby* “Young man, is that coffee brewing? We ARE waiting, you know.”

Cashier #2: “Yes, ma’am! It’s nearly done.” *walks off to the back as quickly as he can*

Cashier: *hold up the toast slices* “I’m sorry, they’re a bit black now, is this okay?”

Husband: “Fine. They’ll do. Next time don’t burn them, just toast them! Where is the coffee? My wife wants her coffee. You know we come here. Only here!”

Customer Behind Me: “Heaven help them, then…”

Wife: “This is ridiculous. Everyone is being so rude.” *yelling across the cafe at another worker that is wiping down counters* “HEY! [CASHIER #3]! HELLLOOOO? [CASHIER #3]! HELLLOOOO!”

(Cashier #3, a young girl, closes her eyes and lets out a sigh before turning to them, smiling.)

Cashier #3: “Hello Mr. and Mrs. [Customer]! That coffee will be right out, I promise you. I just checked on it.” *walks in the back as quick as she can, while the original cashier gives her a look of desperation*

Wife: “GOOD! At least [Cashier #3] is doing her job today! She’s our favorite. The only one we like.”

Cashier: *places the toast and their creamers on a plate and holds them out to the husband* “All set! I’ll go check on the coffee for you and bring it right out! Okay? It should be done.”

Husband: “TWO plates! ALWAYS TWO plates!”

Cashier: *still smiling and pleasant while she splits the toast and creamers evenly on two plates* “Of course, sir. I forgot. Please have a seat and I’ll—”

Wife: “We will wait RIGHT here! Do you understand me? It makes you work faster if we wait, you know. You guys are so lazy! Is the coffee done YET?!”

(I have FINALLY had enough, I’ve been in line so long that I’ve dried off from the heavy rain and need to get to work.)

Me: “NO! You will not! These people have done everything and more to give you great service! You need to get out of my way so I can order my food and get to work. This is enough already! MOVE! Right now! I mean it!”

Customer Behind Me: “Absolutely! I agree! Or I’ll move you myself, understand? You have done nothing but abuse these people! I’m SICK of it and I’m SICK of you!”

Cashier: “I’m so sorr—”

Me: “No, please don’t apologize to anyone in here. You have done nothing to be sorry for.”

Wife: “You people are SO RUDE! We are just trying to get our food and they’re so lazy! They didn’t even make our coffee!”

Customer Behind Me: “Shut up, you witch! MOVE. You have exactly five seconds before I do it myself. One… Two…”

(The couples eyes go wide and they both FINALLY shuffle out of the way all while grumbling about being cut in line and demanding their coffee.)

Cashier #3: “Can we come out now? Is it safe? I am SO switching my shift to nights! They know my NAME now!”

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This Customer Has A Drink Problem

, | Charlotte, MI, USA | Right | October 17, 2016

(I’ve been working at a local coffee shop/cafe for about six months. Even though I have met most of the regular customers, I still have not met ALL of them. I am working with one of our new employees when this exchange occurs.)

Coworker: “Hey, who is Carol?”

Me: “Who?”

Coworker: “This man at the counter says he wants Carol’s regular.”

(I go up to the counter to see who the customer is. Sometimes I can recognize them and know what drinks they get. This man is unfamiliar to me, so I smile as I approach the counter.)

Me: “Hello there! Would you mind telling me what Carol usually gets? I don’t think I’ve made her drink before.”

(At this point, the man looks offended, like I insulted him or something, and says this to me:)

Customer: *rude/ sarcastic tone* “Well. Usually when I come here and ask for Carol’s drink, they KNOW what she gets and I don’t have to tell them. The just have it ready.”

Me: “Well, I’m still fairly new and I haven’t met everybody yet. I haven’t met Carol before.”

(He grumbled at me, and because he didn’t know what Carol’s drink was, he called her. The kicker — she didn’t know either!)

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