I’m a student. I have the misfortune that one day a week, I have a class in the morning and one in the afternoon, with a sizeable gap between them. I could go home, but I decide to make the most of the time to study on campus.

Today, I’ve caught up on my assigned reading and have decided to get some lunch in a café. Although the café is on campus, it’s open to both students and non-students. 

While studying, I have also gotten into learning German via an app with a green owl as the mascot. As I’m munching away on my food, I have one earbud in while I go through some lessons on the app.

At the table next to me is an older couple. The man keeps looking over occasionally and scowling at me.

Man: “Typical. Kids can’t go two seconds without their eyes glued to a screen.”

I ignore him.

Man: “They could be reading or learning something new, but no, they just sit glued to their phones. Ridiculous.”

The man raises his voice slightly, clearly intending for me to hear him. The woman he’s with slaps his arm.

Woman: “Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and eat your pasty.”

Man: “Well, it’s just ridiculous. It’s rotting their brains, all these phones. Look at her, transfixed by some stupid video.”

Annoyed, I look up at him.

Me: “Can I help you?”

The man grins smugly.

Man: “Ah, coming up for air, ay? Good to see you can tear yourself away from that infernal thing for a second. I’m sure it won’t last.”

The woman looks like she wishes the ground would swallow her.

Me: “How is me using my phone to learn a new language affecting you in any way?”

I turn my phone to show him.

Man: “Oh. Well, how was I supposed to know you were doing that?”

Me: “So, you didn’t know for sure what I was doing? You just decided I was watching a video? Even if I was, it’s none of your business. It’s not affecting you in any way. Maybe you should try learning a new skill or bettering yourself instead of hassling strangers with ignorant comments.”

The woman laughs. The man refuses to look at me anymore, and he starts to grumble under his breath.

Woman: “I told you to mind your business.”

The man begrudgingly went back to his lunch. I went back to learning more German.

I’d like to think the man learned a lesson that day, but judging by his grumbling and glares at other people using their phones, he didn’t learn a thing.

I am an admin at an Internet café, back when the Internet is quite new and a lot of people rely on these cafes for access. My job was mainly dishing out access codes to people who pay for access — for a short time, like an hour or two. Yep, this is a long time ago when access isn’t universally available and is HUGELY expensive.

Suddenly, we have a power outage, so nothing is on. Enter two customers.

Customer: “We want an hour of access on two computers.”

Me: “There is no electricity.”

Customer: “But is there Internet?”

Me: “Uh… no.”

Customer: *To their friend* “Wow. What are the chances of the place losing electricity and Internet at the same time?!”

They left, confused, and left me confused.

It had been a very long day already, and I was very frazzled. I was in the process of taking down an order from a regular customer; our food is very customisable, so lots of changes are not unusual, and we hand-write tickets.

The customer ordered a chicken burger with an extra chicken patty. It’s worth noting that this customer was not white.

What I meant to say was, “Chicken burger with an extra chicken patty.”

What came out — I realised in horror midway through — was my brain squashing those words together, so I went ahead and asked them if they were having a chicken P*ki. (This is a derogatory term for a person from Pakistan here in England.)

I immediately went and hid out the back as my colleagues cackled at my misfortune.

Thankfully, the regular has forgiven me.

I have worked for a few counter service cafes. The one I am currently at has a strange payment screen. The tip has to be chosen first, and then the card can be tapped, swiped, or inserted. Everywhere else I’ve worked has the card first and then you tip, so I understand people’s confusion and am happy to explain.

This lady was just rude, though.

Customer: “It’s not working. Does the tap work?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s just backward; you have to choose the tip first and then it’ll let you tap.”

Customer: *Mumbling loud enough for me to hear* “No tip, since no one wants to work anymore.”

If I could have, I would have said, “You’re right; I don’t,” and canceled her order. I know tips are not guaranteed, but at least keep your rude thoughts to yourself!

I operate a small cafe and bakery. I got a Facebook message from a potential customer at 1:00 am.

Customer: “I’d like to order a [whole pie] to be picked up at 6:00 am today.”

The customer came to the shop at 6:00 am to pick up the pie.

Me: “I’m sorry, but the pie isn’t ready yet. I was sleeping when the message came through.”

They were genuinely surprised and upset that it wasn’t ready!