Baht Nothing

, , , , , , , | Right | December 15, 2017

(I am at a cafe at the departure lounge of the airport, queueing up behind some tourists heading home. Note: All the notes and coins are clearly marked.)

Tourist: “How much is this bottled water?”

Cashier: “It’s [amount], ma’am.”

Tourist: *shoving some change at the cashier* “Here.”

Cashier: “So sorry, but you are short by [amount].”

Tourist: *gives a note* “Fine. Here. I don’t understand your currency. I want my change in [Home Country’s currency].”

Cashier: “I’m sorry; I can only give you change in Thai Baht.”

Tourist: “This is outrageous! What kind of place is this that you can’t give me change in [Home Country’s currency]?!”

And That’s How The Not-Free Cookie Crumbles

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(A customer I’ve never seen before comes in and gets a sandwich, pays for it, and goes to wait for it to be made. He then asks one of my coworkers:)

Customer: “Could I have a cookie as well?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

(The customer helps himself to a cookie from the jar. He gets his sandwich and sits down to eat it. Then my coworker asks me:)

Coworker: “Did he pay you for a cookie?”

(Of course he didn’t pay for it, since he didn’t ask to get a cookie until after he paid, so I go over to him.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you have to pay for that cookie.”

Customer: “She gave it to me.”

Me: “Um, no, she didn’t just give it to you for free.”

Customer: “She said I could have it.”

Me: “Yeah… to pay for.”

Customer: “Well, how much is the cookie, then?” *getting out his wallet*

Me: Fifty cents.”

Customer: *as he’s pulling out a dollar bill* “Absolutely pathetic; making me pay for a stupid cookie.”

Me: “Yeah, it is pretty pathetic that you can’t afford a fifty-cent cookie.”

(He paid me the fifty cents and didn’t say a word after that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone eat and leave that fast before.)

Not Behaving In A Presidential Manner

, , , , , | Right | November 28, 2017

(A customer is ordering her drink. From her accent, I assume she is native English.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where the Cenotaph is, please?”

Me: *gives directions*

Customer: “And is the President there?”

Me: *assuming she means Prime Minister* “No. There’s a ceremony held every Remembrance Sunday. She will be in attendance.”

Customer: “When is that?”

Me: “It’s held every second Sunday in November.”

Customer: “And when is that?”

Me: “Next Sunday.”

Customer: “And you’re sure the President will be there?”

Me: “Yes. The Prime Minister will be there.”

(She gets her drink and walks away.)

Customer: *to her friend* “What the f*** is a Prime Minister?”

A Fruitful Request

, , , , , | Right | November 22, 2017

(I am taking two women’s orders and everything has been going well until…)

Customer: “I’d like a fruit salad, too. But hun, I don’t want any salad in it. Just the fruit.”

Me: “Oh, yes, ma’am. A fruit salad is only fruit, no veggies. There’s not actually salad in it.”

Customer: “Yes, just the fruit, no lettuce. Thank you so much for understanding!”

Has An Intolerance For Those With An Intolerance

, , , , , | Working | November 19, 2017

(I stop in to a cafe on the way to work. On their board they state milk options as “Regular, skim, lactose-free, soy, and almond.” I always order the same thing, every morning, without issue. Today I see a new face at the register.)

Me: “Can I get a small cappuccino with lactose-free milk, please?”

Cashier: “Just to let you know, lactose-free milk is cow’s milk.”

Me: “I know.”

Cashier: “It’s not vegan suitable.”

Me: “I’m not vegan.”

Cashier: “So, regular milk?”

Me: “No, lactose-free.”

Cashier: “It’s a 20c surcharge.”

Me: “I know.”

Cashier: “Are you sure? It’s pretty much the same as regular milk.”

Me: “I’m very sure.”

(I pay, give my name, then stand and wait. I see the usual barista come over to the cashier and say something, and I hear:)

Barista: “No, no, she’s always lactose-free milk.” *looks up at me* “The usual? Yeah?”

Me: “Yes.”

Barista: *turns back to the cashier* “Always note down the correct milk they request, especially if you’ve charged them the surcharge!”

(I’ve decided that if he tries to give me regular again, I’m going to give him a lengthy explanation of IBS. I’m sure he will enjoy that at 8:00 in the morning.)

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