There Is A Fly In My Ice!

, , , , | Right | March 6, 2020

(We have a variety of individuals who frequent our cafe. This particular individual is from South Louisiana and has a very thick accent. I am grateful she has such a sense of humor. I have already taken her beverage and meal order and served both.) 

Customer: “May I have a fly swatter?”

Me: “Excuse me, I misunderstood. What may I get you?”

Customer: “A fly swatter.”

(I am confused as to why she is asking for a fly swatter. She is seated outdoors, but I don’t see any flies. I return with a fly swatter and hand it to her. She looks at me, very confused.)

Customer: “Well, what did you hand me this for?”

Me: “I thought you asked for a fly swatter.”

Customer: *laughs* “I said… ‘May I get a glass of ice water?’.”

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The Cake Is A Lie, But At Least It’s Free

, , , , | Working | March 5, 2020

My father and I are meeting up because it recently was my birthday. Unfortunately, neither he nor I have time for more than a short trip to the local video game shop and coffee and cake afterward, and the next time we can meet up won’t be for another two weeks. 

But we decide to make the most of it and Dad takes me to a very posh, old-fashioned café. However, it seems understaffed for as big a crowd as it has amassed. Additionally, you have to go up to the counter and pick out your cake which the waiter will then bring to the table, which is when they also take your orders for coffee and other food. You get a small piece of paper with the price and a number on it to make sure you get the right order. 

We order and everything is fine, if slow at first, but we are feeling the time pressure. After we finish our food — my dad has a cake and I a soup — he tells me there’s just enough time for me to get a piece of cake, too, if I want, which I do, of course. So, I go to the counter and pick out my cake. However, it takes so long for the waiters to bring it to us that we flag down the waitress and ask her to pack up the cake to go and bring us the bill. She does — taking several more minutes — and when we get the bill, my cake is not on it. We point this out to her and she tells us to pay at the counter where we will also pick up the cake. She takes the little paper with her.

We go up to the counter and ask for my cake. The person behind it wordlessly shoves it towards me. A little stunned, I take it. My dad asks how much it costs. The person frowns and calls the waitress, who is at the other end of the café and doesn’t hear. I notice that the person behind the counter has put my paper on a spike next to the register. As I point this out, however, the person leaves her position, again wordlessly, to go all the way through the café to speak to the waitress. The person doesn’t even bother to come back to us, instead opting to shout across the entire café that we already paid for it.

This is the point at which we decide, “All right! Fine, then. Free cake it is,” and we leave. Fortunately, both my dad and I make it to our respective appointments in time, and the cake is absolutely divine.

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Unfiltered Story #187765

, , , | Unfiltered | March 5, 2020

Like most coffee shops, we have a bar/island area with sugar, creamer, straws, etc., and a built in trash can. People frequently forget to ask us to leave room for cream and decide to dump hot coffee into the bar trash can, splashing everywhere, not to mention the mess from mostly empty cups and snacks that are tossex there. I have the lucky task one afternoon, during a slow period, to remove the can and wipe down the inside of the cabinet where it sits. I have the trash can sitting right next to the counter and my lower half is clearly sticking out of the open door in the middle of the bar. A customer leans over me to reach for sugar and I apologize for being in the way and ask if she needs me to move with no response. A few seconds later, empty sugar packets come through the hole in the middle of the bar and onto my head. Thankfully I pull out before getting stabbed with a wet, sticky stir stick. I look at her in shock, and she makes a comment about not realizing that would happen before wandering off. Luckily, we had left room for cream in that cup and it wasn’t scalding coffee!!

Their Brain Is Made Of Cream Cheese

, , , | Right | March 4, 2020

(I work at a well-known bakery cafe. Today, I happen to be working in the drive-thru when a customer pulls up to the speaker and orders a few bagels.)

Customer: “I want cream cheese to go with the bagel.”

Me: “We either have the two-ounce or the eight-ounce tub. Since you got multiple bagels, it would be cheaper for you to get the tub rather than three separate two-ounce containers.”

Customer: “Sounds great! I’ll take the tub.”

(I read off the order to make sure everything is correct and then give her the total, which is just a little over $6.)

Customer: “I thought a bagel and cream cheese is $2.68. Why am I being charged so much?”

Me: “You ordered three bagels and a tub of cream cheese. The tub is $2.99 and each bagel is about $1.25, which brings your total to $6.74 without tax.”

Customer: “It’s cheaper to get the smaller cream cheese, then, because it says on the sign that a bagel and cream cheese is $2.68!”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you it’s cheaper to just get the tub. The bagel is $1.25 and the two-ounce is about $1.20 each, not including tax, and since you’re getting three bagels, it would be cheaper to get the tub and pay $2.99 instead of $1.20 for three separate containers.”

Customer: “But it says a bagel and cream cheese is $2.68.”

(I explain everything once again. By this time, there is a long line forming behind her car, and our average time is growing worse, but she still doesn’t seem to understand. Finally, after wasting nearly ten minutes, she pulls forward so that the people behind her can order. I cash her out and hand her the bag.)

Customer: “I still don’t understand why I’m being charged so much. The sign says a bagel and cream cheese is $2.68.”

Me: “As I’ve explained before, it’s less to get the tub for only $2.99 rather than pay $3.60 for three two-ounce containers. You pay less and get two extra ounces.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand…”

(She finally drove away. My coworkers started laughing and we finally managed to take care of the massive line that had formed.)

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Unfiltered Story #187749

, | Unfiltered | March 4, 2020

I answer the phone at work which is a café that has a gift shop inside. This is the conversation.
Me- Good afternoon (café), how can I help?
Lady- Hello, (café)? I’ve been checking my bank statements this month and noticed my card has been charged £10 from your company! I just wanted to let you know that I’m outraged as I’ve never been there in my life! I’ll also have you know that I have contacted my bank to press charges against you for fraudulent practices to ensure this does not happen again!
Me- (taken aback by this) £10 madame? I’m sorry to hear it, but are you sure you haven’t been here before? Or do you remember if you purchased anything? I’m just not sure how we could charge you by card unless you used one of our card machines to-
Lady- (shouting) Don’t be so daft! I know where I have and haven’t been! Do you think I’m stupid?! I would never eat at your tacky little place anyway! The only time I ever went was to look at the scarves in the gift shop! How old are you anyway? Put me on to someone who knows what they’re talking about!
Me- (at this point losing patience and realising what she’s done, as I know our prices by heart) Madame, did you by any chance buy a scarf for £10?
Lady- Yes I did, as a present for my daughter! But… Oh, I see…(I could hear the colour drain from her face)
Me- Did you pay by card?
Lady- (suddenly sweet and chipper) oh yes of course! How silly of me! Oh well dear I already contacted the bank and cancelled the payment, but I’ll call them up right now to cancel the fraud charges. So sorry, bye! (Hangs up)
Me- Enjoy the free scarf…