Souped Up Complaints

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2018

(I hand an order out and call out the name like normal. A customer walks up to get her sandwich, looks confused, and just stares at me for a few seconds.)

Me: “Is there anything you need?”

Customer: “Yeah, this was supposed to be heated.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, they must have missed that part when they were ringing it in.”

(Because the bread has nuts, I turn to ask a coworker if we can put that on the press, due to the allergen issue. The customer seems extremely displeased by this, her eyebrows climbing high enough to nearly hide in her hair. She rolls her eyes, crosses her arms, and scoffs. I turn back to her.)

Me: “Okay, we can heat that up for you. It’ll just be a second.”

Customer: *sarcastically* “Wow, really? That fast?”

Me: “Well, that was an exaggeration. It’ll take just under a minute to heat.”

(This earns another eye-roll.)

Customer: “But my soup will be cold by then! It probably already is.”

(By now her soup has been sitting on a plate for all of a minute.)

Me: “Oh, okay. I can pour it back and re-ladle it for you when your sandwich comes up, if you want.”

(This is entirely acceptable since it hasn’t even gone up to the counter yet. Her sandwich now only has ten seconds left on the press.)

Customer: “That seems really unsanitary. Just get me new soup.”

(The press beeped and her sandwich was done. Her soup was still sitting next to me, steaming hot. I decided to give up and just get her new soup. I poured her soup back after she left.)

Shockingly, Pizza Can’t Please Everyone

, , , | Right | October 7, 2018

(I work at a club cafe. We specialize in selling pizza, and most of the time our members buy multiple pizzas. It’s a Sunday and we’re understaffed. I am manning the pizza ovens, which are backed up. A woman comes through the line and orders a whole supreme pizza. I put it in the oven and tell her it’ll be five minutes. Two minutes pass.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Where is my pizza?”

Me: “It’ll be three more minutes, ma’am.”

Customer: *sighs and walks off*

(Due to the large amount of pizzas, it takes five minutes longer than expected.)

Customer: *comes to me, looking furious* “Where is my pizza?! It’s been twenty minutes! I don’t have time for this, you know! This is for a friend! I was supposed to be out of here fifteen minutes ago! I’m late because of you!”

Me: *trying really hard not to tell her it’s only been ten, hands over the box and gives her a smile* “Here you go, ma’am. Have a good day.”

(The customer leaves, and five minutes later comes over and slams the box on the counter. There’s a chewed-up, spit-out piece of pizza on the plate.)

Customer: “It’s raw! Raw! You’re trying to kill me!”

Me: “I am very sorry about that, ma’am. I’ll put another one in the oven for you.”

Customer: “No! You’ve wasted my time as it is! It’ll just take another five more minutes! What’s the next one coming out?!”

Me: “A pepperoni, ma’am. In five minutes.”

Customer: “I’ll take that one.”

(Uh… huh. Well, my head hurt now. I pulled the pizza out for her and cut it, apologized again, and let her on her way. She came back again five minutes later to demand plates and complain about bad customer service.)

No She Does Not Want To Build A Snowman

, , , | Right | October 6, 2018

(The cafe I work at has a large kids’ playground, so we attract many difficult parents.)

Mother: “Can you please change the movie? My son doesn’t like Frozen.”

Me: “I’m sorry. There are other kids enjoying the movie so I can’t change it right now, but after this finishes I can put on a different one.”

Mother: “But my son doesn’t like it! Do you have no empathy for children?!”

Me: *sternly* “If I change the movie now, all those kids will be upset, so I’m sorry, but I’m not changing it.”

Mother: “I demand to speak to your manager! This is extremely rude of—”

Manager: *yells from out the back* “We’re not changing the f****** movie!”

(The mother snatched her child — who was quietly watching “Frozen” — out of the playground and left, muttering that she was never coming back.)

Pardon My English French

, , , | Right | October 5, 2018

(I am traveling with my family on one of those whirlwind trips through Europe. I took a French class last summer, so when we are in France I am in charge of communication. We are at a cafe near our hotel where we are trying to get supper. This is my first attempt:)

Me: “Parlez vous anglais?”

Cashier: *questioning look*

Me: *more hesitantly* “Parlez vous anglais?”

Cashier: *blank stare*

Me: “Parlez vous English?”

Cashier: *with bright look and in perfect English* “Oh, you mean English!”

(I blush as everyone else laughs.)

Could You Mocha Trim That Order Down A Little?

, , , | Right | October 2, 2018

(I work in a university cafe, so we often get large takeaway orders for an office of people. One woman comes straight to the counter in a hurry while I’m just drying my hands at the sink.)

Customer: “I need one mocha trim, long black, decaf soy latte…”

(She lists about 10 or 12 coffees, ordered at triple speed. I run over to the counter at about the fourth coffee and start frantically trying to log into the till and input the coffees.)

Me: “I’m sorry, can you please slow down a little and repeat those orders?”

Customer: “I just told you what I wanted; I can’t remember them all!”

Me: “Okay… I picked up on a long black, two mochas, three lattes… What sizes and what milk were for these?”

Customer: “Well, how should I know? They’re not all for me!”

Me: “Um… Well, do you have the orders written down? We wouldn’t want anyone to miss out.”

Customer: “God! Of course I don’t! And I’m not going all the way back to the office to get the orders again! Can you just make what I already told you?!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but I didn’t catch everything you ordered. If you could please get the order again, written down, I can give you a free coffee card for your trouble.”

(The woman rolled her eyes in a huff and snatched the free coffee card from my hand as she went to walk up one flight of stairs to the office to retake everyone’s orders. Unfortunately, this is a recurring issue and nobody ever seems to learn from the first time.)

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