Plainly Didn’t Order That

| Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(I’m sitting at a table in a small café. The lady behind the counter puts two orders on the pickup counter and calls out what they are.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I didn’t really hear what you said. What are these orders?”

Worker: “This is a breakfast sandwich with hash browns and this is a plain bagel with butter.”

Customer: “Are you sure that’s what those are?”

Worker: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “Well, it’s just that I didn’t order a plain bagel with butter.”

Worker: “Well, then it’s somebody else’s order.”

Waiting His Turn Took A Turn For Justice

| Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I work in a biker’s cafe in a small town and a lot of the older residents come in on Wednesday for the Old Age Pensioner’s meal deal. One lady comes in who has a quite debilitating stutter and doesn’t read very well. I’m working my way through the menu with her, reading out each option until I eventually get to fish and chips and she starts nodding.)

Next Customer: “For f*** sake! Why didn’t you just say that then?!”

(I tell the woman the price and help her count out the correct change.)

Next Customer: “For f*** sake! Just give her the god-d*** food! Can’t you see she’s senile?!”

(The woman is now trying not to cry and drops her purse on the floor.)

Next Customer: “Oh, just throw her out. I’ll have a coffee.”

Me: “Can you just wait your turn please, sir.”

Next Customer: “I’m not waiting a year for the coffin dodger to finish. Give me a coffee!”

(One of the huge leather clad bikers gets up, goes over to the customer, picks him up, and takes him outside. The woman I’m serving breaths a sigh of relief and utters the first phrase I’ve heard out of her that had no hint of a stutter.)

Woman: “What a tw*t!”

So Long, And Thanks For All The Parsley

| Paso Robles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A customer a few tables over from me is ordering:)

Customer: “I’d like the fish and chips. But leave out the chips. Oh, and leave out the fish, too.”

Waitress: “…So parsley it is, then.”