The Gondorian Is Always Right

| Springfield, MO, USA | Right | January 30, 2011

(I’m a customer here. When you place an order, the cashier asks for a name to call when the order is ready. As I’m finishing my lunch and getting ready to go, I hear over the intercom speakers…)

Employee: “Aragorn, the firstborn son of Arathorn, your order is ready!”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Literally

| London, UK | Right | December 16, 2010

Me: “Hello sir. Would you like to make a donation to Children In Need?”

Customer: *in a heavy American accent* “Say what?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I wasn’t aware you were from out of the country. Children In Need is a charity that collects money for projects working with children in the UK. It runs an appeal about this time every year. Would you maybe like to make a donation?”

Customer: “Like f*** I would! It’s you and your poor, hobo kids that got us and the whole f***ing world into this d*** recession!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the recession actually began when the US housing bubble burst. American banks gave out too many loans that couldn’t be repaid, and the government had to bail the banks out. That was because they traded the debt they had to banks overseas, since most were American owned companies.”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “Would you like to make a donation?”

(The customer reaches into his pocket, and drops some change into the bucket.)


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Don’t Ask For Chocolate Drops

| New Jersey, USA | Right | June 25, 2010

(A customer arrives at the drive-thru window.)

Customer: “I’m so sorry, I’m not sure what it is I want, but I know it’s flat and it has caramel and whip cream and it’s a cappuccino.”

Me: “I think I know what you want. It’s blended and frozen, like a milkshake but with coffee.”

Customer: “Maybe, I’m just not sure. I always get my granddaughter to order it for me because she speaks the coffee language.”

(This goes on until I convince her to just come to the window and describe it to me in person. One of my fellow baristas helps her to realize that she does, in fact, want what I think she wants).

Customer: “Yeah, one of those crappuccinos. That’s it…”

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When Requests Have Both A Positive And A Negative Side

| Manchester, CT, USA | Right | April 30, 2010

(The power has gone out in the cafe.)

Customer: “I’d like a soda, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but since the power is out, we can only sell bakery products from the window.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I only wanted to use the wi-fi, anyway.”

(He sits in the corner, but comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: “The wi-fi seems to be down. Could you reset it?”

Me: “No. sir. The power is out, so the wi-fi won’t work until it comes back on.”

Customer: “Don’t you have batteries for it?”

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Random Acts Of Whininess

| | Right | May 30, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, what is that stuff in your greek salad? Gor-gon-zalla?”

Me: “Gorgonzola. It is a type of cheese.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, can I get a Diet Coke?”

Me: “Sorry, we only have Diet Pepsi.”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “Let me see your manager, NOW!”

(I retreat to the back and send up my manager. He has a three minute round with the customer. The customer departs, yelling, “I’m gonna sue you and your whole d*** company!” before storming out the door.)

Me: “What was he so mad about?”

Manager: “I was about to ask you the same thing. What did he ask you for?”

Me: “Cheese on our Greek salad and diet soda. What was he talking to you about?”

Manager: “The speed-dating event that was held here last night.”

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