Have Low Egg-spectations Of Their Staff

, , , , , , | Working | April 17, 2018

(I’m eating breakfast in the café of a well-known supermarket chain, chatting with an extremely friendly elderly couple at the next table over who still seem to be waiting for their meals. One of the staff comes over with two jacket potatoes and I am treated to this exchange:)

Waitress: “I’m sorry, again, about having to change your order; unfortunately, we just can’t provide scrambled eggs.”

Wife: “It’s fine; don’t worry! We were happy with the breakfasts, otherwise, though… My husband just cannot eat fried eggs!”

Waitress: “I know. I’m very sorry. I couldn’t tell you the reasons, but it’s an issue of Health and Safety. We’re not allowed to poach or scramble eggs. We can only fry.”

Me: *leaning over* “But isn’t it easier to safely scramble an egg than fry one?”

Waitress: “I know; it’s just what we have to do.”

(I think [Supermarket] needs to revisit their risk assessments if their catering staff aren’t officially trusted with an egg!)

This Joke Is At Least Ten Years Old

, , , | Right | April 15, 2018

(At the time of the story, my future husband and I are still attending university, and we are regulars at the little cafe in the engineering building. Today, I’m particularly hungry.)

Bartender: “G’day. What will you be having?”

Me: “A coffee and one of those…” *pointing at the kourabiedes* “…what’s their name, here.”

Bartender: *offended* “What do you mean, ‘What’s their name’? We’ve had them for ten years, and…”

Husband: “What? We don’t want ten-year-old pastries, man; we want fresh ones!”

(And that’s how we were never allowed into that cafe again.)

 

Complaining Is On The Menu

, , | Right | April 13, 2018

(I work at a well-known cafe. There are two sets of registers, but the menu only hangs over one set. We do have a lot of paper menus for our guests to look at, which also list all the ingredients to our food. I am working at the registers that don’t have menus hanging over them. An elderly woman approaches my register.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am! How are you this afternoon?”

Customer: *angry* “I’m fine, except for the fact that I can’t even see your menu! This is such an inconvenience that I have to strain my eyes to see it!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Would you like a paper menu? They list all of our items so you can see them up close and personal.”

Customer: *ignores me and orders as if she already knew what she wanted*

Me: *finishes ringing her up* “Okay, that’ll be ready shortly. Thank you, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

Coworker: “Why did she complain so much about the menu if she already knew what she wanted?”

Me: “You got me.”

Locked Into Their Chain Of Thought

, , , | Right | April 4, 2018

(I work alone in a small cafe. We have two bathrooms, one for one man and one for one woman. There is a lock on the inside to insure privacy. A customer comes to the counter.)

Customer: “The bathroom door won’t open!”

Me: “Is it locked?”

Customer: “Locked? I’m never coming back to a place that has to lock the bathrooms!”

Me: “We don’t lock them. They lock from the inside.”

Customer: “Can you unlock it?”

Me: “No! Maybe someone is in there?”

Customer: “That is stupid. Why would someone lock the door? I’m never coming back!”

(Before I can respond, she goes out the door, saying:)

Customer: “They lock the bathrooms up!”

Here We See The Bagels In Their Natural Habitat

, , , , , | Working | March 28, 2018

(I am at work and we are close to closing, so my coworker and I have started to clean up. My coworker is closing the bakery section of our cafe, and I am making fun of him having two empty bagel baskets out. My manager then looks at the bagel wall and says:)

Manager: “What is that?”

Coworker: “What?”

Manager: “The bagels, why are they like that?”

Coworker: “I wanted them to look nice?”

Manager: “No, you don’t see bagels in line like that in the wild.”

(My manager then just walked away. My coworker and I just looked at each other and started laughing. We started making jokes about bagels being little living creatures in the wild the rest of the night.)

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