It’s Four Sure Still Reserved

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(My grandma, mum, and I are having tea at a small cafe. Next to us there is this decorated table, which is reserved, and every waitress warns people about this when they try sitting down. One guy is about to sit there when a waitress approaches him.)

Waitress: “I’m sorry, sir. This table is reserved.”

Guy: “Oh. We’re four people.” *tries to sit down*

Waitress: “Okay, but this table is still reserved”

Guy: “We’re only four people!”

Waitress: “Sir, you can not sit here. We’ll find you another table.”

Guy: *as he leaves* “But we’re four people!”

Has A Creepy Ring To It

, , , , , | Working | January 19, 2018

(I have been in contact with a local artist and jewelry maker to make a pair of custom wedding rings. We met in person a while ago to go over what I wanted, at which time she told me she would need to eventually take my engagement ring to make tracings, due to its unique shape. We then spend the next few weeks emailing back and forth to try to coordinate meeting up again, but due to the fact that she lives 45 minutes from where I work and over an hour from where I live, this is proving to be difficult. Finally, we get to this point…)

Artist: *in email* “Okay, why don’t you just mail me the ring? My address is [address].”

Me: *in email* “I don’t know that I’m comfortable mailing you my ring. I’m worried it might get lost or stolen. Can I just drive up after work on [date] and give it to you?

Artist: *in email* “Sure! Just leave it in my mailbox.”

(I decide this would be all right, so on the day I promised, I drive up to her house. When I get there, I see she is actually home and outside in her front yard, close to the street, so I approach her.)

Me: “Hi, [Artist]!”

Artist: *not recognizing me* “Hi… Can I help you?”

Me: “I’m here to drop off my ring. I wasn’t expecting you to be home.”

Artist: *suddenly clicking* “Oh! [My Name]! I didn’t recognize you. Sure, let me take that.”

(A few weeks go by, and she emails me again to say the rings are done and that she will be in [Town where I work] on a day that week. We arrange to meet in a café at a specific time. I walk to the café and get there a few minutes early. I quickly spot her, but she is sitting with who I assume is another client, talking. The tables are very small, so instead of trying to butt my way in to their meeting, since I am early, anyway, I grab a table right next to theirs and wait for her to be done. I make eye contact with her just as I’m sitting down, so I assume she has seen me and will be done soon. I order tea, and the time we were supposed to meet passes. Finally, I overhear this part of their conversation.)

Artist: “Yeah, she should be here any minute.”

(I freeze, realizing that she didn’t recognize me when we made eye contact, and hasn’t seen me despite me being at the table right next to them. I am about to get up and say something to her when she continues…)

Artist: “She’s so funny. We only met once in person, and then she just showed up out at my house, completely unannounced, expecting I would know who she was!”

Client: “Oh, that’s… kind of creepy.”

(I can’t believe what I am hearing! She is talking about me to a complete stranger and making me out to be a creep! I have no idea what I should do at this point… If this stranger already thinks that I’m a creep, what will she think if I stand up and reveal I have been sitting right behind them and eavesdropping this whole time? I keep sipping my tea and consider just leaving, until…)

Artist: “[My Name]?!”

(I looked up and they were both staring at me, so I immediately jumped up and came over to their table. I quickly got through trying on the rings, writing a check, paying for my tea, and leaving, all while trying to be as friendly and not-creepy as possible!)

Arabian Plights

, , | Learning | December 28, 2017

(This cafe is near campus and most of the staff are students. The owner allows any staff to put on music. Recently, international staff have been putting on songs in their own languages.)

Older Customer: *nicely* “What music is that now?”

Staff #1: “Oh, this one is Arabic.”

Older Customer: “The h***?! Is this place overrun by terrorists now?

Staff #1: “What? No!”

Older Customer: “It’s terrorist music!

Staff #1: *open mouthed*

Staff #2: “Are you calling me a terrorist? I’m just Arab.”

Older Customer: “Go back home you Muslim terrorist!! What’s that song about? How you want to kill us all?

Staff #2: “I said I’m Arab. But I’m not Muslim; I’m Christian.”

Older Customer: “You liar! You are all Muslims over there.

Staff #2: “My parents are Muslims and the very reason I’m here in America is because my parents don’t accept my decision to be Christian.”

Older customer: “…” *slowly walks off*

Staff #1: “Does he even know there’s Arabic and Islam courses at the university?”

Staff #2: “Probably not, or he’d have a fit.”

Staff #1: “I’m not sure he’ll be back now. He’s actually been in here a lot asking about the foreign songs.”

Must Taste Sacrilicious

, , , , | Working | December 26, 2017

(It is the week before Christmas, so nearly every business is playing Christmas carols, including the cafe that I’m in. Apart from me, the only other people in there are the two workers behind the counter.)

Carol: “…holy infant so tender and mild.”

Worker #1: *mumbling to herself, but still loud enough for me and the other worker to hear* “Just like a chicken wing.”

Me & Worker #2: *glance at each other in total silence, then both lose it*

Worker #1: *looking between the two of us* “What?”

Not Your Typical Psychic-Next-Door

, , , , , | Right | December 17, 2017

(I work in a coffee shop situated on a strip of psychic shops in a downtown “witch city.” It is one of our busiest days.)

Customer: *cutting to the front of the line* “I have a question.”

Me: *continuing to make drinks* “Okay, shoot.”

Customer: “What are the hours of the psychic shop next door?”

(Baffled because the hours of said shop are in enormous white lettering on the shop window, I just look at her.)

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t know off the top of my head, but if you—”

Customer: *loudly* “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Me: “I’m s—”


Me: *fed up at this point and trying to finish orders and get other people served* “I just don’t! But if you look on the window, I’m sure the hours will be there.”

(The woman starts to storm off.)

Me: *calling after her* “I’m sorry, but I’m not psychic!”

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