That Was Their Grande Scheme

| NB, Canada | Right | July 19, 2017

(I’m a barista at a popular cafe where we use Italian names for our drink sizes. Grande is our medium size, and I have been trained to suggestively sell grande size. This happens a few times a day.)

Customer: “I’ll have a coffee.”

Me: “Sure, will that be grande size?” *holds up grande cup so customer can see what size it is*

Customer: “No.”

Me: *waits for customer to clarify for a few seconds before…* “What size would you like?”

Customer: *points at cup in my hand* “That one. The medium.”

Me: “Grande it is!”

A Student Of Résumés

| Wales, UK | Working | July 18, 2017

(I graduated a little over a year prior to this story, and have recently moved back to my university town to live with my fiancé who is still studying, so I’m looking for a job. I see a sign in a window for waitressing and submit my CV, which has my degree, when I graduated, and work history, including the full time job I held last. My personal statement also mentions my time at the university. I get called in for interview.)

Interviewer: “Hi, [My Name], thank you for coming.”

Me: “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to interview.”

Interviewer: “So, what experience do you have in this area?”

Me: “I worked in [Cafe] in Bristol full time last year where my duties included cleaning, making coffee, and preparing sandwiches. I was split between two of their branches and a key holder for both.”

Interviewer: “That’s brilliant. And do you have your timetable yet?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what timetable?”

Interviewer: “Your lecture timetable.”

Me: “I’m not a student. I graduated from [University] last year.”

Interviewer: “Oh, okay. Well, this job is only really suitable for student’s. We’re only offering 6-8 hours a week, you know.”

(Nowhere on the ‘job vacancy’ sign in the window did it say this.)

Me: “You’re right, that doesn’t suit me. Thank you anyway.”

Interviewer: “You really should put that you aren’t a student on your CV in this town. It would have saved both of us wasting our time.”

(What I wanted to point out was that I did, and that maybe putting the hours on the sign, or at least that it’s part time, would be a good idea too. But I bit my tongue, smiled and left. My next interview went better; they actually read my CV for one thing.)

Last Week It Was “I Killed Mufasa”

| NY, USA | Working | July 17, 2017

(I am leaving work at the end of my shift and because of a family situation, won’t be seeing a coworker for a few days. We are both 20 years old and I am female. We are also both fans of Marvel films.)

Me: “Dude, let me hug you. I won’t see you for a while.”

Coworker: “Sure.”

(We go in for the hug.)

Me: *whispering in his ear* “Hail Hydra.”

(I then slowly walk backwards out the door doing the most exaggerated villain laugh I could, and we never spoke of it again.)

Time To Wake Up And Taste The Martian Coffee

| Albany, NY, USA | Right | July 15, 2017

Customer: “Do you have decaf iced coffee?”

Me: “No, our prepared iced coffee isn’t decaf, but I can make you one by putting our hot decaf over ice if you’d like.”

Customer: “Too much work.”

Me: “We have decaf iced lattes if you would rather have that.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “So a decaf iced latte?”

Customer: “Yeah. No drink.”

Me: “Wait, no drink?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay.” *finishing transaction*

Customer: “Can I have a cup for my coffee?”

(I’m so confused.)

Customer: “What did I order? Did I get a drink?”

Me: “No…?”

Customer: “I feel like I’m on Mars.”

Macchiato-No-No

| Portland, OR, USA | Right | July 13, 2017

(I work in a small cafe and doughnut shop in the middle of a big city. We serve traditional coffee here, meaning the sizes are a lot smaller than what people are used to from chain coffee houses. A woman and her teenage child come into our cafe. The woman orders a doughnut and a macchiato and the teen orders a small hot tea.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, that’ll be $[total], but I have to warn you we aren’t a [Chain Coffee Shop]. Our macchiatos are smaller, and are only about a shot of coffee.”

Customer: “Yes, okay.”

(She stands to the side of the counter and waits for her order. When it arrives, she slams her hand on the counter in anger.)

Me: “Is something wrong, ma’am?”

Customer: “I ORDERED A MACCHIATO AND YOU GAVE ME THIS?!”

Customer’s Child: *obviously embarrassed and flustered* “Mom, come on. He told you—”

Customer: “NOT NOW, [Child]!” *to me* “I told you to make me a macchiato. What is this s***?!”

Me: “That is a macchiato, ma’am. Real macchiatos are a lot smaller than what most places make.”

Customer: “That can’t be right! That’s not how they do them everywhere else!”

Customer’s Child: *who had obviously seen this happen before* “Mom, it’s no big deal. We can stop off at [Chain Coffee Shop] on our way home. Come on. You’re making a scene.”

(The woman points at her child’s tea, which is sitting next to her order.)

Customer: “Why is theirs so much bigger than mine?!”

Me: “Because they ordered a tea, and that’s the smallest size we have.”

Customer: “Well, I want my macchiato in one of those!”

Me: *becoming increasingly exasperated* “Ma’am, I told you already: the macchiatos here are only a single shot of coffee. That’s what a macchiato is; it’s a shot. I can make you a latte if you want, free of charge?”

(The customer proceeds to take the macchiato and slam it onto the counter, causing it to spill everywhere and drip onto the floor.)

Customer: “YOU JUST LOST YOURSELF A CUSTOMER, PAL! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WE’RE NEVER COMING HERE AGAIN.”

(As the lady stormed out her kid stayed behind to help us clean up, apologizing profusely for their mother’s behavior. I’m really glad attitude like that isn’t passed down to future generations.)

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