The Job Is Way Too Antsy For Me

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Working | February 7, 2017

(I’m being trained as a barista at a little family cafe.)

Manager: “So you make the coffee like this, and if they ask for flavouring, what do you do?”

Me: “Well, there’re flavouring things here. Do I use them?”

Manager: “Yep! You use the flavouring pumps. But you should always squirt the flavouring into the cup first, because…”

(She throws a look around and turns back to me conspiratorially.)

Manager: “Sometimes there’re ants in the flavouring. We keep it right next to the window!”

(That job didn’t work out; she sent me home and never invited me back. I can’t help but wonder if the problem was the face that I made.)

Reached Your Tea Total, Part 5

, | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | January 23, 2017

(I work at a club that serves complimentary tea, coffee, soft drinks etc. to poker machine players. I get a call and head to the machine where a lady wants to order something.)

Me: “Hi, how’s it going today?”

Patron: “Tea, please.”

Me: “Absolutely. What sort of tea are you after?”

Patron: “Uh, tea? You know… put the bag in the cup with boiling water. I can’t believe you don’t know what tea is.”

Me: “Yes, I do know what tea is. What I meant was do you want a black tea or white? Are you after sugar? Earl grey, English breakfast, decaf, peppermint, green, ginseng currant and lime, chai?”

Patron: “It’s all tea. Put the bag in the water. How is this so hard?”

Me: “No worries miss, I’ll be back in a second.”

(I go to the kitchen, close my eyes, grab any teabag, and put it in. Go back; she looks at it.)

Patron: “I asked for milk and two sugars.”

Me: “Of course you did. I’m sooo sorry about that. I’ll be right back.”

(Returns with correct tea.)

Patron: “Thank you sooo much.” *sarcastically*

Related:
Reached Your Tea Total, Part 4
Reached Your Tea Total, Part 3
Reached Your Tea Total, Part 2

Take It On The House!

| Richmond, VA, USA | Right | January 13, 2017

Customer: “What is your house blend today?”

Me: “Today our drip coffee is from Brazil. We actually don’t use blends. Everything is single-origin.”

Customer: “So you don’t have house blends?”

Me: “These beans are lightly roasted, which many people prefer for drip coffee. I think you will be satisfied.”

Customer: “But I just want a house blend!”

Me: *handing her a cup* “Try the Brazil. That is the only coffee we have brewed at the moment.”

Customer: “Will you brew a house blend later today?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: *looking at the airpot* “So Brazil is your only house blend today?”

Me: “Yes.”

Those Must Be Some Magic Beans

| Richmond, VA, USA | Right | January 13, 2017

Customer: “I need a pound of beans. Do you have any Mexican beans?”

Me: “Today all we have are beans from Ethiopia and Sumatra.”

Customer: “Which one of those is from Mexico?”

Should Have Espresso’d It Clearer, Part 3

| Democratic Republic Of Congo | Working | January 6, 2017

(My family are South African and English is our first language. My uncle does a lot of travelling through the African continent for work, and has loads of entertaining stories about his travels. English is not widely spoken in some parts of Africa, and this story is a perfect example of that. Note that in South Africa, we use the term ‘waiter’ or ‘waitress’, and not ‘server.’)

Uncle: “Good morning. May I have an espresso, please?”

Waiter: “Of course, sir, I’ll be right out with that.”

(About five minutes later, the waiter comes out with a tray containing a normal coffee pot, cup, saucer, teaspoon, jug of milk, etc., all the things you expect to see when you’ve ordered a normal filter coffee.)

Uncle: “Sorry, I think you may not have understood me. This is a filter coffee, but I wanted to actually have an espresso, please. See, here it is on the menu.” *points to item on menu*

Waiter: *blank look*

Uncle: “Okay, so it is coffee as well, but an espresso is strong coffee that you put in a small cup—”  *tries to motion the size with his hands* “—and you have it with a glass of water.”

Waiter: “Oh, yes, sir, now I understand. I’m so sorry about that! Please give me one minute to fix it for you.”

(The waiter then left the table without taking the filter coffee with him. My uncle, perplexed, sat back and waited to see what happened and whether he did understand. To his absolute amusement, the waiter brought back a small cup and a glass of water. He then proceeded to take the coffee pot with the filter coffee and pour it into the small cup. The waiter, very happy with himself, gave him a huge smile and then wandered off. My uncle just drank the filter coffee.)

Related:
Should Have Espresso’d It Clearer, Part 2
Should Have Espresso’d It Clearer

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