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You Drain What’s Left Of My Brain

| Australia | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(Today at work we are experiencing more customers than usual and are drastically understaffed. I have recently undergone brain surgery for a hemorrhage so my hair is on the short side for a girl my age. After manning our coffee machine for several hours, a particularly sassy woman approaches the counter, pushing aside several customers in the process.)

Customer: “I demand to be served immediately!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to wait in line like everyone else.”

Customer: “You just don’t want to serve a straight woman like myself because you’re a lesbian.”

Me: “I beg your pardon, madam, but I am not a lesbian and I’m just asking that you wait in line like everyone else.”

Customer: “But you have short hair.”

Me: “Ma’am, that doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian. In fact I’ve recently undergone brain surgery and to operate they had to cut my hair off.”

(By this point I’m incredibly frustrated as my line is growing longer every minute she carries on with her rant.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re a f**k*** liar! I just want a coffee and a straight person to serve me.”

(A man approaches the woman looking about as angry as I am.)

Customer #2: “Look here, b****, this poor girl has had an extreme surgery and as a result her hair is short. If you have any tips for her on how she should style herself then leave them in the tip jar!”

(The woman turned bright red, quickly dropped a $20 note in my tip jar, and high-tailed it out of the shop.)

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A Song With The Perfect Ending

| USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Popular

(I am a high energy, cheerful person who works in a cafe inside a large building. Part of my cheer is musical; I sing and hum, often without even noticing that I am. You can hear me in the cafe where I work and a little in the dining room but I definitely am not belting it out. A customer comes in, already in a foul mood, and after listening to me sing for about thirty seconds, goes off.)

Customer: “You’re so loud; stop it! I’m having a horrible day and you are disturbing me! I don’t want to hear it! STOP! STOP! STOP!”

(I stop singing. About a minute later I absently start humming softly to myself as I brew coffee and she goes off again.)

Customer: “I TOLD YOU TO STOP. SHUT UP!”

Me: “Ma’am, you said stop singing because I was too loud. I stopped singing. I was just humming, very quietly.”

(The customer turns to a random other old woman and starts ranting.)

Customer: “She’s so annoying; she always does stuff like this! I can’t stand her! Isn’t she terrible?!”

(The other customer just looks uncomfortable and keeps doctoring her coffee silently. I bite my tongue and say with as much sincerity as I can muster:)

Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry you are having a bad day. I hope it gets better.”

Customer: “My day will get better when I leave!”

(She sneers at me and I just smile calmly back.)

Me: “Mine will, too.”

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Me No Speak Americano, Part 2

| UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am serving a customer some drinks.)

Me: “Hi there, what can I get you?”

Customer: “Could I get a double espresso topped up with some water in a mug?”

Me: “So you’d like an Americano, then?”

Customer: “No. I clearly said an espresso in a mug with water.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is an Americano.”

Customer: “No, that isn’t. I want an espresso topped with water. I know my coffees.”

(I then make her drink. The kicker: an Americano is cheaper.)

Related:
Me No Speak Americano

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Not The Most Gifted, Part 2

| Norway | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Popular

(I work at a café at a mall that sells gift cards you can use at every store within the mall, but it is also clearly stated that you cannot use these gift cards at any of the stores where food is sold (cafés, bakeries, supermarkets, etc.). It’s a very busy day right before Christmas, and a customer is ordering some food.)

Customer: “That’ll be it!” *takes out the mall’s gift card* “So, how do I do this? Do I just swipe?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, we do not accept the mall’s gift cards.”

Customer: “But that’s ridiculous! It says on the back of it that it can be used everywhere at this mall!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you can’t use it here or at any of the other cafés in the building. It’s written on the back of the gift card as well as on the webpage where it’s bought.”

Customer: *raising his voice and leans over the counter* “BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR MY FOOD?”

Me: “You’ll have to pay with something besides the gift card, and if you don’t have any money, I’ll have to ask you to step aside so I can take someone else’s order.”

Customer: *swears under his breath and walks away*

(About 10 minutes later, the customer arrives with one of the mall’s security guards. The guard walks up to me.)

Guard: *whispering* “I really don’t know what to do with this guy. We’ve all tried to explain to him that he can’t use the card here, but he won’t give up! Is there something you can do?”

(Meanwhile the customer had been standing next to the people waiting in line swearing and talking loudly to the customers about the terrible service and incompetent employees. We ended up giving him his meal for free, and less than a week later he tried the same thing at one of the other cafés. The management at the mall then took away his gift card (worth $80) for the two meals (worth $50). The man was very satisfied with the mall finally taking his gift card as payment.)

Related:
Not The Most Gifted

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Can’t Vouch For You On Sundays

| England, UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(Please note I am a young worker, whilst the patron is an elderly lady with her daughter; both appear angry. It is a sunny Sunday afternoon.)

Customer: “Coffee, and this voucher.”

(Hands over a voucher for a free cup of coffee, not valid on Sundays, which is clearly stated on the back.)

Myself: “I’m awfully sorry, ma’am, but this voucher isn’t available on Sundays.”

Customer: “Well, then, you are breaking the law!”

Myself: *unsure how to respond* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *points to dates that voucher is available, next to where it states not on Sundays* “YOU have put the dates here and YOU are breaking the law by not allowing it!”

Myself: “Sorry that you feel that way. Anything else for you?”

Customer: “This is illegal! BREAKING THE LAW!”

(The customer then proceeded through the transaction with a death-stare at me the whole time whilst I smiled back!)

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