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Kiwidiot

| Australia | Language & Words

(My accent is fairly odd, and I often have people ask me whether I’m from another state or country. Generally I tell them that I am not and they leave it at that. This customer is not so easily convinced.)

Customer: “How long have you lived in the country?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I detect a New Zealand accent. How long have you lived here?”

Me: “I’m not from New Zealand. I was born here. Actually, I’ve never even been out of the country.”

Customer: “Oh, so your parents are New Zealand, then?”

Me: “Well, no, they’re Australian, too.”

Customer: “That’s odd. I guess you must have spent a lot of time around New Zealanders, then. It’s amazing how much of an accent you’ve picked up.”

Me: “No, I don’t really know anyone from New Zealand, sorry.”

Customer: *looking angry* “Well, where did you get that accent, then?”

Me: “This… this is just the way I speak.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I spent ten years in New Zealand as a girl; I know a New Zealand accent when I hear one! You shouldn’t lie to people!”

(She stormed out and I have yet to encounter her again. Three hours later, a new employee asked me if I was English.)

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Dia-Path-etic

| UK | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular

(My family and I have gone into an unfamiliar cafe for a light lunch. My dad and I order toasted sandwiches; my mum orders an ordinary cold sandwich. After 10 minutes mum’s sandwich comes, but no toasties. A few minutes later my dad catches the server’s attention:)

Dad: *in a jocular tone* “Hi, we’re still waiting for two toasted sandwiches. You haven’t forgotten us, have you?”

Server: *angrily* “We’re very BUSY!”

(Five more minutes go by. Mum has finished her sandwich, but I and dad haven’t got our food. The server comes towards us with a toasted sandwich, but serves it to the woman at the next table.)

Me: *to server* “Excuse me, we’ve been waiting for about 15 minutes. My mum’s finished her food, and we still haven’t had ours. I notice you’ve served that lady who came in after us. Has something gone wrong?”

Woman At Next Table: “I have type one diabetes! I HAVE to eat now. How DARE you complain when I HAVE to eat something before I lapse into a coma!”

Me: “You have type one diabetes? Me, too. And what you’re eating won’t help you if you’re worried about lapsing into a coma. You need something sweet, not a savoury sandwich. Please don’t make our condition an excuse for bad manners. Nobody was talking to you, anyway.”

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I’m Feeling Pretty Coffee Myself Too

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work in a cafe that is attached to a smaller (more on the expensive side) specialty grocery store. I usually work the morning shift and have come to understand that people aren’t quite awake when they come up to my counter and order their coffee. However, more often than not I get this response from people…)

Me: “Good morning. How are you?”

Guest: “I’ll have a tall coffee.”

Me: *to coworker after patron has left the café* “I didn’t know tall coffee was a mood…”

When Coffee Really Is An Emergency

| Gillette, NJ, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(Our café doesn’t charge on-duty police/fireman/EMS. I am a shift supervisor at the time working with two coworkers. I am currently in the back room doing restock.)

Coworker #1: “[My Name], there is this woman who is asking for a free drink because she is an EMT, but she isn’t in uniform. I told her I had to ask you for permission.”

(Coworker #2 comes into the back with dishes in hand to make it look like he need to a reason to come into the back.)

Coworker #2: “This is the second time she has come in claiming to be on the first aid squad and an EMT and since I and [Coworker #1] are refusing to give her a free drink she wants to speak to you.”

(I walk out of the backroom.)

Me: “Hi, I am the shift supervisor.”

Customer: “I am on the first aid squad and I would like to get a free [really expensive espresso bar drink].”

Me: “Sure, can I see some credentials or proof you are on the first aid squad?”

Customer: “I just told you I am on it.”

Me: “Yes, I heard.”

Customer: “So, can I get my free drink?”

Me: “As soon as I can see some proof that you are on the first aid squad.”

Customer: “I just told you.”

(This repeats for about five minutes and I don’t want to deal with it anymore.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll make you this drink once on me but next time you come in, just show some proof you are on the first aid squad if you want a free coffee.”

(She leaves. Three days later, I am working with my manager and another coworker, Coworker #3. I have already informed my manager about said incident. In walks the same customer.)

Customer: “I am on the first aid squad and I would like a free drink.”

Coworker #3: “Let me get permission.”

(Coworker #3 turns to me. The customer does not seem to be happy that I am there.)

Me: “Hello again. Do you have proof this time?”

Customer: “I just told you that i am on first aid squad.”

Me: “Hold on one second.”

(I get my manager to come to the front.)

Manager: “Hi. I am [Manager] and I am the manager here. [My Name] has informed me of what he has asked of you to bring proof that you say you are on the squad. We will ask you your name and ask [Coworker #4] if she recognizes your name, as she is also on the first aid squad, but today we will not be able to give you a free drink for we only give those to cops, firemen, and EMS.”

Me: “And only when they are on duty.”

(The customer leaves in a huff.)

Manager: *turns with a straight face* “You said doodie!”

Plainly Didn’t Order That

| Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(I’m sitting at a table in a small café. The lady behind the counter puts two orders on the pickup counter and calls out what they are.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I didn’t really hear what you said. What are these orders?”

Worker: “This is a breakfast sandwich with hash browns and this is a plain bagel with butter.”

Customer: “Are you sure that’s what those are?”

Worker: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “Well, it’s just that I didn’t order a plain bagel with butter.”

Worker: “Well, then it’s somebody else’s order.”

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