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Can’t Vouch For You On Sundays

| England, UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(Please note I am a young worker, whilst the patron is an elderly lady with her daughter; both appear angry. It is a sunny Sunday afternoon.)

Customer: “Coffee, and this voucher.”

(Hands over a voucher for a free cup of coffee, not valid on Sundays, which is clearly stated on the back.)

Myself: “I’m awfully sorry, ma’am, but this voucher isn’t available on Sundays.”

Customer: “Well, then, you are breaking the law!”

Myself: *unsure how to respond* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *points to dates that voucher is available, next to where it states not on Sundays* “YOU have put the dates here and YOU are breaking the law by not allowing it!”

Myself: “Sorry that you feel that way. Anything else for you?”

Customer: “This is illegal! BREAKING THE LAW!”

(The customer then proceeded through the transaction with a death-stare at me the whole time whilst I smiled back!)

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Wait Until You Try The Shepherd’s Pie

| Liverpool, England, UK | Food & Drink, Popular, Puns

(I am taking orders and serving soup when a customer and his wife approach me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you still serve the children’s soup?”

Me: “We do, yes.”

Customer: “Don’t you think that’s cruel?”

Me: *I clock on that he’s having a laugh with me* “Not at all. All our children are free range and organic.”

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Wants Their Complaint On A Plate

, | WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(There is a power outage in the middle of the day. For some unknown reason, we are always one of the few with power, which means the whole city comes over to hang out since we have books and coffee. Of course, this means we have lines and lines of people anxious for the warmth of coffee and food.)

Coworker: “Next in line, please!”

Customer: “I would like a caramel macchiato and a spinach and artichoke quiche.”

Coworker: “All right, that adds to $10.12, please! And your food and drink will be right at the end.”

(We switch off who is doing what since it is so busy and I am making the drinks. After a little while we have her food and drink ready to go.)

Me: “Okay, I have spinach and artichoke quiche and a caramel macchiato!”

(Customer looks at her order clearly not satisfied.)

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Customer: “I wanted to eat this here.”

Coworker: “We’ve been really busy because we’re one of the few businesses not without power, so we ran out of plates. You can still eat it here if you would like.”

Customer: *clearly still not satisfied* “If I want this on a plate, I should be able to get this on a plate. Who is the manager tonight?”

Coworker: *says our manager’s name* “Would you like to speak to her?”

(Somehow my coworker still has a smile on her face even with how much we’ve had to do all night. I don’t know how she does it. The customer grunts, takes the bag and drink and walks away. Later that night, as my manager and coworker are getting ready to close, nearly having to kick people out in the process…)

Customer: “Are you [Manager]?”

Manager: “Yes, I am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I have a complaint to make. You need to fix the behaviors of your employees. If a customer asks for a plate, they deserve to get a plate.”

Manager: “Well, would you rather eat on a dirty plate or in a nice, clean bag?”

Customer: *looks appalled* “Why would you give me such an attitude?”

Manager: “Sorry, but it’s now 10. We are closing up and you have to leave.”

Customer: “Whatever!” *slowly walks away*

Manager: *with a smile* “Have a good night!”

(Apparently this customer does this a lot. She always has a complaint to make about our business, yet she always comes back. We also had a customer stand up to this rude lady customer and tell our manager that we gave excellent service, especially for it being so busy in the middle of a power outage. Mind you, we had actually forgotten her food because of all the chaos, so that part restored my faith in humanity!)

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Feeding His Imagination

| Plymouth, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Love/Romance

(I have just convinced a customer to order a large piece of cake and a large drink, rather than just the biscuit he originally wanted.)

Customer: “You must have a lot of boyfriends.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Men love girls who know how to feed them. You obviously get that, so you must have loads of boyfriends.”

Me: *laughing* “Just the one, sir.”

Customer: *looking genuinely sad* “What a waste…”

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It’s Going To Take A Long Black Time

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’ll have a long black, please.”

Me: “Sure, was that regular or large?”

Customer: “A long black.”

Me: “Yep, and would you like that regular or large?” *shows sizes*

Customer: “Oh, regular, and to eat in.”

Me: “Not a problem. That’s a regular long black. If you’d like to take a seat I’ll bring it out to you.”

(I bring a long black out to the table.)

Customer: “Oh. I wanted a macchiato. Don’t you do those here?”

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