Watered Down Justice

| Spokane, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(It is Saturday, so the store is very busy, and the dining room attendant is expected to help take orders when the line gets long. I am helping at the cash register when a large family comes in. The mother has instructed everyone in the family to request water, but I am still required to ask each person what they would like to drink. I have taken all of the kids’ orders, and the mother’s, and have come at last to the father. Our soda fountain is self-serve, and often times people will order water for free, then put soda in their water cups.)

Me: “What would you like, sir?”

Father: “I’d like to have [order].”

Me: “And what would you like to drink?”

Father: “Oh, I’ll take a soda.”

Mother: “Hey! Everyone is getting water. Come on, get a water. Please?”

(The younger children all chime in that he needs to get water, too.)

Oldest Son: “Daaaaad! We’re all going to get ‘special waters!’” *he emphasizes this, clearly indicating they’re going to be putting soda in the water cups*

(The mother and the father both shoot guilty glances in my direction, but the father does agree to order water. I finish their order, and as the line is clear, go back to emptying the bus station and washing tables. I happen to be at the drink station when the family gets their order, and they approach to get their cups.)

Mother: *on seeing me* “Come on, everyone! It looks like we really are drinking water!”

(She filled all their cups with water. It’s nice to see justice happen, sometimes.)


The Tip Of The Stupidity Ice-Berg

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A customer has just ordered an iced coffee and sat down. Once the barista finishes making the drink, I bring it over to the customer.)

Me: “Here’s your iced coffee, sir.”

Customer: “What? Oh no. No, no, this isn’t what I wanted. No, this won’t do at all!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, is this not what you ordered?”

Customer: “Well, I ordered an iced coffee.”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “There’s ice cubes in it.”

Me: “Yes, sir…?”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t realise there would be ice in it.”


You Drain What’s Left Of My Brain

| Australia | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(Today at work we are experiencing more customers than usual and are drastically understaffed. I have recently undergone brain surgery for a hemorrhage so my hair is on the short side for a girl my age. After manning our coffee machine for several hours, a particularly sassy woman approaches the counter, pushing aside several customers in the process.)

Customer: “I demand to be served immediately!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to wait in line like everyone else.”

Customer: “You just don’t want to serve a straight woman like myself because you’re a lesbian.”

Me: “I beg your pardon, madam, but I am not a lesbian and I’m just asking that you wait in line like everyone else.”

Customer: “But you have short hair.”

Me: “Ma’am, that doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian. In fact I’ve recently undergone brain surgery and to operate they had to cut my hair off.”

(By this point I’m incredibly frustrated as my line is growing longer every minute she carries on with her rant.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re a f**k*** liar! I just want a coffee and a straight person to serve me.”

(A man approaches the woman looking about as angry as I am.)

Customer #2: “Look here, b****, this poor girl has had an extreme surgery and as a result her hair is short. If you have any tips for her on how she should style herself then leave them in the tip jar!”

(The woman turned bright red, quickly dropped a $20 note in my tip jar, and high-tailed it out of the shop.)


A Song With The Perfect Ending

| USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Popular

(I am a high energy, cheerful person who works in a cafe inside a large building. Part of my cheer is musical; I sing and hum, often without even noticing that I am. You can hear me in the cafe where I work and a little in the dining room but I definitely am not belting it out. A customer comes in, already in a foul mood, and after listening to me sing for about thirty seconds, goes off.)

Customer: “You’re so loud; stop it! I’m having a horrible day and you are disturbing me! I don’t want to hear it! STOP! STOP! STOP!”

(I stop singing. About a minute later I absently start humming softly to myself as I brew coffee and she goes off again.)


Me: “Ma’am, you said stop singing because I was too loud. I stopped singing. I was just humming, very quietly.”

(The customer turns to a random other old woman and starts ranting.)

Customer: “She’s so annoying; she always does stuff like this! I can’t stand her! Isn’t she terrible?!”

(The other customer just looks uncomfortable and keeps doctoring her coffee silently. I bite my tongue and say with as much sincerity as I can muster:)

Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry you are having a bad day. I hope it gets better.”

Customer: “My day will get better when I leave!”

(She sneers at me and I just smile calmly back.)

Me: “Mine will, too.”


Me No Speak Americano, Part 2

| UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am serving a customer some drinks.)

Me: “Hi there, what can I get you?”

Customer: “Could I get a double espresso topped up with some water in a mug?”

Me: “So you’d like an Americano, then?”

Customer: “No. I clearly said an espresso in a mug with water.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is an Americano.”

Customer: “No, that isn’t. I want an espresso topped with water. I know my coffees.”

(I then make her drink. The kicker: an Americano is cheaper.)

Me No Speak Americano

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