icon_extrastupid

It’s Going To Take A Long Black Time

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’ll have a long black, please.”

Me: “Sure, was that regular or large?”

Customer: “A long black.”

Me: “Yep, and would you like that regular or large?” *shows sizes*

Customer: “Oh, regular, and to eat in.”

Me: “Not a problem. That’s a regular long black. If you’d like to take a seat I’ll bring it out to you.”

(I bring a long black out to the table.)

Customer: “Oh. I wanted a macchiato. Don’t you do those here?”

icon_languagewords

Kiwidiot

| Australia | Language & Words

(My accent is fairly odd, and I often have people ask me whether I’m from another state or country. Generally I tell them that I am not and they leave it at that. This customer is not so easily convinced.)

Customer: “How long have you lived in the country?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I detect a New Zealand accent. How long have you lived here?”

Me: “I’m not from New Zealand. I was born here. Actually, I’ve never even been out of the country.”

Customer: “Oh, so your parents are New Zealand, then?”

Me: “Well, no, they’re Australian, too.”

Customer: “That’s odd. I guess you must have spent a lot of time around New Zealanders, then. It’s amazing how much of an accent you’ve picked up.”

Me: “No, I don’t really know anyone from New Zealand, sorry.”

Customer: *looking angry* “Well, where did you get that accent, then?”

Me: “This… this is just the way I speak.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I spent ten years in New Zealand as a girl; I know a New Zealand accent when I hear one! You shouldn’t lie to people!”

(She stormed out and I have yet to encounter her again. Three hours later, a new employee asked me if I was English.)

icon_healthbody

Dia-Path-etic

| UK | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular

(My family and I have gone into an unfamiliar cafe for a light lunch. My dad and I order toasted sandwiches; my mum orders an ordinary cold sandwich. After 10 minutes mum’s sandwich comes, but no toasties. A few minutes later my dad catches the server’s attention:)

Dad: *in a jocular tone* “Hi, we’re still waiting for two toasted sandwiches. You haven’t forgotten us, have you?”

Server: *angrily* “We’re very BUSY!”

(Five more minutes go by. Mum has finished her sandwich, but I and dad haven’t got our food. The server comes towards us with a toasted sandwich, but serves it to the woman at the next table.)

Me: *to server* “Excuse me, we’ve been waiting for about 15 minutes. My mum’s finished her food, and we still haven’t had ours. I notice you’ve served that lady who came in after us. Has something gone wrong?”

Woman At Next Table: “I have type one diabetes! I HAVE to eat now. How DARE you complain when I HAVE to eat something before I lapse into a coma!”

Me: “You have type one diabetes? Me, too. And what you’re eating won’t help you if you’re worried about lapsing into a coma. You need something sweet, not a savoury sandwich. Please don’t make our condition an excuse for bad manners. Nobody was talking to you, anyway.”