Third Come, First Served

| Tokyo, Japan | Friendly | November 30, 2016

(I and several friends are discussing the recent US election.)

Friend #1: “This has got to be a huge shock for Melania Trump. I mean, she just came to the US to get his money and now she’s third lady of the United States!”

Friend #2: “First lady. She’s first lady.”

Friend #1: “No, she’s his third wife.”

(It took us nearly 20 minutes to convince him that the wife of the president is always the first lady. It has nothing to do with what number wife she is.)

Also Not Eating Toes So Hold The Tomatoes

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Right | November 23, 2016

Customer: “I WANT the breakfast burrito but I’m watching my sodium intake.”

Me: “Well, you can leave off the sausage and bacon and just do the eggs, a low-salt cheese like the low sodium mozzarella, and the fixings — salsa, jalapenos, lettuce, tomatoes.”

Customer: “No, I’m watching my sodium intake, so no salsa. And it’s no good without the salsa.”

Me: “Our salsa IS low-sodium. See?” *I hold up the container*

Customer: “That’s not possible; it’s salsa. It’s, like, mostly salt.”

Me: “Well, this isn’t? This is mostly just the tomatoes and spices and peppers.”

Customer: “No, salsa without salt isn’t possible. That’s why it’s called SALTsa.”

(I laugh, thinking she’s joking but she stares at me.)

Customer: “No, really, that’s why they named it that.”

Me: “Oh… oh, honey, no. It’s not called SALTsa. It’s SALSA. See?” *I show her the label again*

Customer: “Oh, that must be the Spanish version. They don’t have a ‘t’ in their language.”

Me: “I’m going to go slice tomatoes now…”

The Leg Bone Is Connected To The Wing Bone

| CO, USA | Working | November 15, 2016

(I’m on my lunch break and head to the cafeteria that services the office where I work. Today’s special is barbecue chicken, which is rotisserie chicken which has been quartered, and the sign says you can select either dark or light meat. The employee who is manning the station is new.)

Me: “I’ll have a dark quarter and two sides, please.”

(The employee picks up a piece with the wing attached.)

Me: “No, dark meat, please; a leg quarter.”

Employee: “This one?”

(She has selected a different piece, also with a wing.)

Me: “No, the leg, please.”

Employee: *picking up a third piece, also wrong* “How about this one?”

Me: “I want one with the leg, please. How about that one.” *pointing to a leg quarter*

Employee: “Oh, I didn’t know there was a difference!”

No Booze During Your Snooze

| New Zealand | Working | November 14, 2016

(I’m working as a barista at a well-known coffee chain. My coworker is at the register and is serving one of our regular customers when this exchange happens.)

Coworker: “Your total comes to [amount]. Was there anything else we can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get an extra shot of ‘will to live’ in my coffee?”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, we don’t serve alcohol before 11 am.”

Not Even Sugar-Coating It

| England, UK | Working | November 13, 2016

(I need to reduce my sugar intake for health reasons and was looking at drink options in a café. I didn’t want a hot drink, so I was looking at the cans available, all behind a glass counter where customers couldn’t reach one. I wanted to check whether a supposed “health” drink was high in sugar.)

Me: “Hi. Do you mind if I check the nutrition information on [“Health” Drink]?”

(The guy behind the counter gets the can in question and immediately opens it and pours the drink into a glass.)

Me: “Apparently not, then.”

Guy: “What?”

Me: “I asked to see the nutrition information.”

(The guy looks annoyed and hands me the can. The drink has a ridiculous amount of sugar in it.)

Guy: “That’s [price].”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t drink this.”

Guy: “You ordered it. You need to pay for it.”

Me: “I didn’t order it. I asked to look at the nutrition information to see if I wanted to order it but I can’t drink this because it has over 30g of sugar in this can.”

Guy: “Like you care about eating sugar, fat b****.”

(That’s when I walked out.)

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