The Bananas Were Killed Humanely

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | March 2, 2017

(My Vietnamese coworker asks me to help a customer as he does not quite understand her question.)

Me: “Hello. What can I help you with today, ma’am?”

Customer: “I was just wondering if there is any chicken, fish, or pork in your banana bread?”

Me: “No… there is no meat of any kind in our banana bread.”

Customer: “I always check. I’m a vegetarian, you know.”

H2-Ooooookay

| Ireland | Working | February 21, 2017

(I am meeting a friend after working out in the gym for coffee. I’m still feeling very warm and tired after showering and changing. I arrive before my friend and decide to order as I wait because I’m thirsty.)

Me: *reading the menu board behind the counter*

Barista #1: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, there. Could I get a medium black iced coffee and a bottle of water, please?”

Barista #1: *smiling* “Sorry, we don’t do iced coffee!”

Me: *thinking she’s new, I point behind her* “I think you do! It’s on your menu board underneath the iced tea.”

Barista #1: *seeing it* “Oh, sorry! Hold on.” *calls another worker over*

Barista #2: “Hi! What’s the problem?”

Barista #1: *still staring at the menu board* “Do we do iced coffee?”

Barista #2: “Yeah, we do! I’ll show you how to do it.” *to me* “What size?”

Me: “Medium and black, please. I’m allergic to milk. Oh, and a water as well! Thanks.”

Barista #2: *makes espresso in full view, adds tap water, and puts it in a clear cup* “Any whipped cream on it?”

Me: *confused* “No thanks…? Just plain, no sugar, no milk.”

Barista #2: “Any syrup in it?”

Me: “Erm, no thanks… Just plain black iced coffee, please…”

Barista #2: “Milk? Sugar?”

Me: *staring at her put a lid on my tepid ice-free ‘iced coffee’* “No thanks?”

Barista #2: “Okay, well here you go! Iced coffee with water!”

Me: *staring at the cup of tepid coffee* “Are you sure this is iced?”

Barista #1: “Oh, yes! I saw her use the cold tap!”

Me: *dumbfounded* “And my water?”

Barista #2: “It’s in it!”

(I was too confused and surprised at their stupidity to do anything other than pay for the drink and leave. I called my friend and had her meet me at a different shop where I stuck to drinking water.)

Unable To Work In A Crunch

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Working | February 17, 2017

(It was a particularly cold day and I had a half hour to spare so I decided to treat myself to a hot chocolate. At the register, there was a sign behind the person taking orders advertising a new “Cookie Cream Crunch” range, with the option of a hot chocolate, a latte, or a frappe.)

Me: “Hi, can I please grab a small Cookie Cream Crunch hot chocolate?”

Cashier: “Sure. So, that’s one small Cookie Cream Crunch latte?”

Me: “…and a little whipped cream on top. Oh, no, sorry. I wanted the hot chocolate.”

Cashier: “Okay, one small hot chocolate?”

Me: “No, a Cookie Cream Crunch hot chocolate, please.”

Cashier: “Okay, no worries.”

(She spends a little while typing in buttons.)

Cashier: “So one small Cookie Cream Crunch latte with a little bit of whipped cream?”

Me: “Sorry, no. I wanted the Cookie Cream Crunch hot chocolate.”

Cashier: “Right, of course, sorry. $4.20, please.”

(I received a plain hot chocolate.)

That Question Is On Thin Ice

, | NY, USA | Right | February 8, 2017

(I work in the cafe of a national chain bookstore, where customers can help themselves to free ice water at the condiments counter.)

Me: *tidying up the condiments*

Customer: “Excuse me. Is this real ice?”

Me: “…what’s fake ice?”

Got You Out Of A Pickle

| Chicago, IL, USA | Working | February 7, 2017

(I travel a lot and always take my four-year-old with me. She seems to always get free stuff but no one believes me. My girlfriends and I decide to do a weekend in Chicago. After getting to the hotel everyone is starving so we get directions to a simple restaurant within walking distance. An older lady seats us and seems super stressed taking our orders. The waitress sets down the plates.)

Me: “Look, pickles! You love pickles!”

(Two minutes later the waitress plops down a plate of extra pickles. My girlfriends and I mumble “Thank you,” all with open mouths of disbelief. A few minutes after that she comes back with a balloon and apologizes for the string being a bit too long.)

Friend #1: “Wow, when she sat us and was really short with us, I thought this was going to be horrible. She’s super nice!”

(We finish and go back to the hotel where the bell hop walks up to my daughter and hands her a stuffed cow.)

Friend #2: “WHAT KIND OF MIRACLE WORKER ARE YOU?!”

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