I’m searching around for new broadband deals when I spot a deal too good to be true. I call them up to check.

Me: “Hi. I’ve noticed you had a TV and Internet deal for [price], but without the TV it’s more expensive?”

Salesperson: “That’s right. We give you a box on which you can watch on-demand shows, films, and free-to-air channels.”

Me: “And this is cheaper than taking an Internet-only deal?”

Salesperson: “it is!”

Me: “Sign me up.”

I switch over to the company and I throw the TV box in a corner; I have no need for it. A few months later, I get a phone call from the same company.

Salesperson: “Our records show that you haven’t connected your TV box up to the Internet. Are you having problems with it?”

Me: “No, I just don’t want to use it.”

Salesperson: “But you’re paying for it.”

Me: “Actually, it was cheaper to do it that way.”

Salesperson: “Oh, okay, then. Would you like to return the TV box? We can send prepaid return packaging.”

Me: “Do I have to stop my TV package and pay more?”

Salesperson: “Let me check… Yes, you revert to the other package and your new monthly bill would be [amount] more.”

Me: “Then no. I think I will keep it.”

Salesperson: “Oh? Okay. Well, if you’re sure.”

I got a few more calls exactly like that one. The company stopped offering the package after a while. I guess no one wanted to pay more for less.

Our cable connection goes out suddenly in the middle of the day, which means we have no Internet or telephone service. I dig out my cell phone and call the cable company, who keeps me on hold for over twenty minutes, constantly telling me I could easily report a problem online.

I’m not sure which is the more annoying: just being on hold or being told to use a connection I don’t have.

A fellow finally picks up the call and I explain the problem.

Representative: “May I have your account number?”

Me: “Can’t you find it by our telephone number?”

Representative: “No, ma’am. We have to have the account number. I can wait if you need to go find it.”

I looked in the file cabinet and rummaged through the pile of papers on the desk, to no avail. I finally told him I’d have my husband call when he got in. After waiting for so long, it was beyond annoying to have to start over, but there was no choice.

When my husband came home, he called the cable company and the woman who picked up found the account — by using the phone number!

Maybe it was his deep voice.

I’m doing maintenance on a large telecom network. The equipment I need to get to is in a backyard and six metres up on a pole. It can only be accessed from this one backyard, with a ladder. As per policy, I knock on the front door to inform the homeowner of my presence. Note that utilities — hydro, telecom providers, etc. — have a legal right of way to access the poles and equipment. The homeowner answers and I hold up my company ID badge.

Me: “Hi, I’m with [Telecom Company]. I’m doing some network maintenance in the area and I need to go to the pole in your backyard for about ten minutes.”

Homeowner: “I don’t have service with you. My neighbours don’t, either.”

Me: “This equipment feeds service to the whole area, not just your direct neighbours. There’s something causing issues for two-hundred subscribers in the area.” 

Homeowner: “I don’t care about the other two-hundred people. You need to find another way to do it.” 

Me: “It’s only accessible from your yard. I checked the neighbour’s side first. The pole is five metres from the fence line. For my health and safety, I can’t go from another yard.”

Homeowner: “Well, for my health and safety, I can’t let you into my yard.”

Me: “Actually, we have a legal right of way to access our equipment. It should be detailed in your home ownership papers.”

Homeowner: “Well, my husband is a cop! I’m gonna call him and see what he has to say about it!” 

Me: “By all means, please do.”

Homeowner: *On the phone* “Yeah, I’ve got some guy here pretending to be from [Telecom Company] saying he needs to go to the pole—” *Pauses* “Really?” *Pauses* “Really?” *Pauses* “REALLY?! Ooookay.”

She hangs up.

Homeowner: “He says it’s okay.”

I’m repairing two damaged cables for a major telecom provider, both on the same piece of equipment. It’s important to note that the nature of our work doesn’t allow for advance notice of outages.

I’m doing my work up on my ladder and my colleague is dealing with another issue a couple hundred metres down the same street.

I glance down and see a police car sitting across the street from me and another one further down where my colleague is. I think nothing of it and keep doing my work. I look down again a few minutes later and they’re parked together conversing. They’re there for a good twenty minutes in total. 

Again, I think nothing of it and finish what we need to do. The next day, my boss calls me.

Boss: “Did you happen to talk to or see a couple of police officers at that job on [Street] yesterday? Apparently, some woman called 911 because her TV cut out.”

I buy a new house and set up cable and Internet service. The salesperson convinces me that paperless billing is the way to go. After a couple of weeks, I need to change a detail on my account online. In order to do this, the system requires a PIN they assigned that can “conveniently” be found in the upper corner of the bill. If you try to view the bill online, you get this helpful response.

Website: “Please enter PIN from upper corner of bill.”

Every month, you get an email with the total due, but the only way to view the bill is with the PIN, and the only way to get the PIN is from the bill. I call customer support and around we go. They just keep telling me:

Customer Support: “All you need to do is go online to view your bill and get the PIN.”

Me: “But it’s prompting me for the PIN to get to the bill.”

They then read from their script.

Customer Support: “The PIN can be found in the upper corner of your bill.”

They never did seem to see the problem.