Like a lot of people, I’ve decided to cut the cord and get rid of my cable, and since the promo period on my Internet is expiring, I’ve decided to downgrade it a bit to save money. I call the order in on the fifth of the month; my bill comes out on the tenth, so that’s plenty of time. On the eleventh, I get my bill, and not only is the TV still on there (my fault) but the old, higher-priced Internet without the promo is there, too. So I call.

Nice phone support goes over with me that the TV is not removed until I return the equipment, and they ask if I can take it back to the local store. Sure! When I do, I’ll get the credit pro-rated from the return on my next bill, and they can fix the overcharge for the Internet at the same time.

What completely puzzles me is that, an hour later, I get a notification that my bill is paid. The payment was by a credit card ending in four digits that match none of mine, and I’m set up on autopay that comes out the twenty-fifth of every month. The bill is just over $120, so it isn’t just a credit for anything. Plus, there’s $10 left on the bill; the amount paid is my old amount. My new amount is $10 higher (because the ‘net wasn’t downgraded).

I go over there on my lunch hour, figuring I’ll straighten everything out at once. I walk in, and at first, I see no one. Then, from the back corner, behind plexiglass (understandable), I hear, “What do ya need?”

I walk over and find a girl with headphones on. She has a laptop with a movie streaming in addition to the two “work” monitors I can see. She pulls one side of the headphones off.

Me: “I need to return my TV equipment. I canceled it.”

Representative: “Phone number on the account.”

I give it, she asks if she has the correct name, and I confirm.

Me: “While I’m here, I have a couple of other billing issues, and they told me last night on the phone that you could fix them.”

Representative: “What—” *eyeroll* “—billing issues?”

Me: “Well, I changed my Internet package on the fifth, and I got my bill on the tenth, and it’s still charging me for the higher.”

Representative: *Another eyeroll* “If you change your package in the middle of the billing cycle, it doesn’t show up until the next bill!”

I’m not having a good day.

Me: “Let’s do some basic math, shall we? I changed it on the fifth. I got my bill six days later since I didn’t actually get it until the eleventh since my billing cycle starts on the tenth, which was a Sunday. So it was not in the middle of the billing cycle; my bill after that was wrong.”

Representative: “I don’t need you to talk to me like that!”

Me: “Well, listen to your customer, and you won’t be talked to like that.”

Representative: *Yet another eyeroll* “I can credit you the $10, and your bill will be paid, okay?”

Me: “Fine, I’ll take the credit, but about that payment last night, that wasn’t me. That wasn’t my credit card. I didn’t pay it.”

Representative: *Tapping keys* “There, I gave you the credit. Your bill is paid, okay?!”

Me: “Again, I didn’t make that payment. I think someone else’s payment was applied to my account.”

Representative: *And another eyeroll* “I don’t know what to tell you. I gave you the credit; your bill is paid!”

Me: “I didn’t pay my bill; someone else did, and—”

Representative: *Cuts me off* “You’ll get your credit for returning the equipment and the TV charges on your next bill. Is there anything else?”

Me: “Nope…”

Man, whoever paid my bill, thank you, and I’m sorry, I tried to be honest… because a week later, my bill is still paid. Blame the person whose movie I interrupted!

I used to work in tech support for a satellite television company during the time that DVRs were first coming into widespread use. I once got an angry phone call from a customer.

Customer: “The fast-forward feature isn’t working on my new DVR!”

After troubleshooting for a little bit, I learned that she was not trying to fast-forward through the commercials of a show that she had recorded on her DVR but rather was trying to fast-forward through the commercials of a live television show.

I then got to explain to her that her new DVR was a recording device, not a time-travel device.

Me: “You can fast-forward through the commercials of programs that you’ve already recorded on your DVR, but you cannot time-travel and fast-forward through commercials that have not even aired yet.”

I am an agent for a cable company, working from home in the lower part of the Niagara Falls area.

I get a call and the screen pops up as a caller from the downtown area of the Falls. I verify her information and she tells me all her services are down. I open the account and, lo and behold, there’s an outage; there was a high-speed car chase and a car took out the node.

Me: “All right, ma’am, I understand that your services are currently all out. Looking here, I see that a large piece of our equipment has been damaged and that we do currently have a service interruption in your area. Our technicians are engaged and onsite to repair the issue and we have an estimated time of resolution of about 10:30 pm.”

It is 8:45 pm now.

Caller: “So, I don’t have any services until 10:30?!” *Starting to sob* “But what am I going to doooooooo?”

Me: “I do apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am. We’re doing everyth—”

Caller: *Through sobs* “I want a technician at my house right now. I have nothing. I can’t watch TV. I can’t read a book because I have macular degeneration. I just don’t know what to do. You have to send them out. Right. Now.”

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize, but I can’t send them out right now because it is not an issue just with your house. Even if they came out to your house right now, the issue would not be resolved until the node that provides service to the entire area has been repaired. Our current estimate for when that repair will be completed is 10:30 pm.”

Caller: *Still hysterically crying* “WHERE ARE YOU LOCATED?! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

Me: “I’m currently located in the Niagara Falls region.”

Caller: *Sobbing* “THEN COME FIX IT! YOU HAVE TO FIX IT. IT ISN’T FAIR! YOUR STUFF IS STILL WORKING!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s because I’m in a different service area. The area we’re seeing this interruption in is the lower downtown portion of the Falls. Looking here, it appears a car struck the node and caused significant damage. We are doing everything we can to restore it and will have everything up hopefully right around 10:30 pm.”

Caller: *In hysterics* “Well, if you aren’t going to help me, then I know what to do. I’ll just take an overdose. Goodbye.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you’re threatening suicide, then I will need to send the police over for a welfare—”

Click.

I called my supervisor and they agreed that we needed to call local law enforcement. Apparently, when the police got there, it was an elderly woman who was still hysterical but admitted she was just saying that to get us to send a tech. Last I heard, she filed a complaint against me for sending the cops, but nothing ever came of it so I don’t know. Honestly, I’m so glad I got out of there.

While working in a call center for a large television provider, I got this call.

Customer: “Hi. My name is [Customer], and I want to know why my TV isn’t working.”

I took his information and reviewed his account.

Me: “Sir, I show your status as disconnected.”

Customer: “I didn’t ask to have my service disconnected!”

I dug a little deeper into the notes my coworker had left on this account the day before and, reading the notes out loud, discovered that the man’s wife had called to shut off the service because she was starting the process of divorce.

I have never heard a man’s heart break before then or since. I have also learned to process what I am reading before I speak so I can be more tactful in how I deliver such information.

This happens in the cable company call center a lot. Our system does auto-dials to people who are behind on payment enough to be disconnected soon. Frequently, the customer will pick up, the agent will speak, and the customer will let out a long string of expletives only to be met with:

Agent: “I’m sorry you feel that way; I’m really just trying to make a living and also help you not lose your cable/Internet service.”

The customer will hang up in embarrassment and then call back later and get a different agent.

Never assume it’s a robot, people.