Boys Will Be (Play)Boys

, , , | Right | December 1, 2017

(It’s my first call of the day. The customer, a 70ish-year-old lady in a retirement facility wants her cable box moved to her bedroom, because her grandkids keep messing with it when they come over.)

Me: *asking if she needs a list of all the channels we offer* “Ma’am, would you like a channel line-up?

Customer: “No. I have one here on my counter.”

(At this point she starts to look over and it, and she sees something and gets all excited.)

Customer: “Good, now that the cable box is in my room, I’m going to get the Playboy channel.”

(I couldn’t help but start laughing.)

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Giving Voice To Their Concerns

, , , , , | Working | November 22, 2017

(I’m being called by our phone, cable, and Internet provider. They want to advertise their new package, probably in hopes of increase our payment. But I’m fine with what we have and refuse to change, especially to pay more for nothing useful to us. Everything is all right, until he tries to close.)

Caller: “And did I speak to Madame or her daughter?”

(I then decide, that, despite being the daughter, I’m the caregiver of my parents — meaning I pay bills, negotiate contract, etc — and that being 39 years old is old enough to be titled Madame.)

Me: “It’s Madame.”

Caller: “You have a really young voice.”

Me: *cheerful* “Oh, thank you!”

Caller: *almost angry* “No, you sound really young.”

Me: “Okay? Thanks?”

Caller: “No! It’s not a compliment.” *hangs up*

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A Circuitous Route To Fix A Circuit

, , , | Working | August 7, 2017

(My decoder short circuited and I’m on the phone with the technical support desk trying to convince them of that fact. Note: I’m living within walking distance of their HQ, where tech support is located. By now, I have left my house, decoder in hand.)

Tech: “Sir, I really don’t know what else to say. I pinged your decoder and got a reply back. All is in good working order.”

Me: “You pinged it just now?”

Tech: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “And it showed the decoder properly connected?”

Tech: “Yes, sir, the same as ten minutes ago.”

Me: “I see. Do you have the serial number of my decoder?”

Tech: *clearly thinking I lost my sanity* “Of course, sir.”

Me: “Good.”

(I have arrived at the reception and approach the woman on the counter.)

Me: “Miss, would you please read the serial number out loud?”

(By now I have arrived at HQ and I shove my decoder under the nose of the girl at the reception desk.)

Receptionist: *clearly humouring a madman, she starts reading the number*

Tech: “[Receptionist], is that you?”

(Five minutes later and the tech was at reception exchanging my clearly fried decoder for a new one. Pinged or not, there is no better proof than the acrid smell of burnt circuits.)

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It’s Going To Be A ‘Long’ Day

| Working | August 3, 2017

(I come in to work a little early so I head into a back office to check my email before helping customers. Through the door I can hear my coworker explaining to a customer why their cable box is malfunctioning: )

Coworker: “Oh I see. Looks like you had a short 6′ cable. You really need a long 6′ cable.”

Me: *facepalm*

(I didn’t hear why that customer came in, but I’m pretty confident they called into tech support by the end of the day.)

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Things Are Looking Up

, , , , | Working | June 24, 2017

(For several months, my wife and I have been fighting with a well-known cable TV provider over our bill. They have been attempting to raise our prices every month and every month my wife will call in to dispute it, and every month, they apply just enough credit to not make switching worth the effort. The last increase is almost a $30 jump and needless to say, we’re both pretty fed up. Then this happens when she calls in:)

Wife: “Look, this is the fifth time I’ve called about our monthly cost. Our bill has just jumped from $90 to $120 for no reason. Nothing has changed in the programming, equipment, nothing. There has to be something you can do about this. It’s ridiculous!”

Rep: “Okay. Let’s see what we can do. If I apply [Credit #1] and [Credit #2] and [Deal] and [Promo], I can get your price down to $130 a month.”

Wife: “What? Did you say $130?”

Rep: “I’m sorry. That’s the best I can do right now.”

Wife: “That’s $10 more than the bill I’m calling to complain about!”

Rep: “Well, another price increase just went into effect since the last bill, and I don’t have any other promotions I can apply to your account.”

Wife: “So what you’re telling me is that my bill is going to increase again next month regardless of what you do now.”

Rep: “Yes. Have I provided you with excellent service today?”

Wife: “No!”

(Needless to say, later that day we called a competitor, scheduled installation with them, and cancelled our account with the existing provider.)

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