A Fee To Charge A Cancellation Fee

, , , , , | Working | March 6, 2018

(The only cable company available in my area is notorious for its bad customer service. I call them when my contract is expiring:)

Agent: “We don’t have any Internet-only plans.” *a lie*

Me: *young and naive* “Really? That sucks. Are you sure?”

Agent: “Yes. But I can offer you a deal that’s only $10 more a month!”

Me: “Are you sure that’s your only offer?”

Agent: “Yes.”

Me: “All right. I guess I’ll take it.”

(Later, when it’s a month before that contract expires, and I’m a little wiser, I go to the post office.)

Me: “Hello! I am here to mail my cable company’s box back to them.”

Mail Employee: “Oh. It’s that company. I’m going to print your receipt. Don’t lose it. They will claim you never sent the box and charge you.”

Me: “Got it.”

(Later, I call the cable company.)

Me: “Hi! I’m calling to make sure you received my package. I have the tracking number.”

Agent: “About that. We got it, but did you realize that you sent it a week early? We need to charge you a cancellation fee for that.”

Me: “What?!”

Agent: “You must have the box in your house until the contract expires, or it counts as an early cancellation.”

Me: “But then you’ll charge me a late fee for the time it takes to mail!”

Agent: “You could always use our store centers to drop it off.”

Me: “So, your ‘convenient mail-in system’ is a scam?”

Agent: “Of course not, ma’am! You just mailed it too early.”

Me: *switching tactics* “What about your online streaming thingy? I can still watch that, so it’s not a cancellation.”

Agent: “I’m sorry, but you must have the box in your home.”

(I finally give up and pay. I specifically ask to switch to a no-frills, Internet-only deal. The next month, my bill tries to charge me for a frill: an “Internet Boost!” that speeds up the Internet, or some scam like that. I call again.)

Agent: “I’m sorry it ended up on your bill, but it’s been half a month and you’ve already used the boost.”

Me: “How was I supposed to know it was there if you don’t generate my bill until the middle of the month? I called as soon as I was made aware.”

Agent: “I’m sorry, but you have used it.”

Me: “But it won’t appear again, right?”

Agent: “Not at all, ma’am!”

(Yeah, right. I annoyed the billing department every single day the next month by checking my bill and getting promises not to add it. It appeared again, and I said, “I don’t care anymore! I will live without Internet! It isn’t worth this nightmare!” Suddenly, they seemed all accommodating. I got it off my bill. Little did they know that I was moving in three months. That was also interesting. They tried to charge me a late equipment return fee for the cable box, which they took off my bill three more times, and they called me five times to convince me to stay with them. I told them I was moving wherever they weren’t, and that ended each call quickly, thankfully. I am so glad to get away from that company.)

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Boys Will Be (Play)Boys

, , , | Right | December 1, 2017

(It’s my first call of the day. The customer, a 70ish-year-old lady in a retirement facility wants her cable box moved to her bedroom, because her grandkids keep messing with it when they come over.)

Me: *asking if she needs a list of all the channels we offer* “Ma’am, would you like a channel line-up?

Customer: “No. I have one here on my counter.”

(At this point she starts to look over and it, and she sees something and gets all excited.)

Customer: “Good, now that the cable box is in my room, I’m going to get the Playboy channel.”

(I couldn’t help but start laughing.)

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Giving Voice To Their Concerns

, , , , , | Working | November 22, 2017

(I’m being called by our phone, cable, and Internet provider. They want to advertise their new package, probably in hopes of increase our payment. But I’m fine with what we have and refuse to change, especially to pay more for nothing useful to us. Everything is all right, until he tries to close.)

Caller: “And did I speak to Madame or her daughter?”

(I then decide, that, despite being the daughter, I’m the caregiver of my parents — meaning I pay bills, negotiate contract, etc — and that being 39 years old is old enough to be titled Madame.)

Me: “It’s Madame.”

Caller: “You have a really young voice.”

Me: *cheerful* “Oh, thank you!”

Caller: *almost angry* “No, you sound really young.”

Me: “Okay? Thanks?”

Caller: “No! It’s not a compliment.” *hangs up*

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A Circuitous Route To Fix A Circuit

, , , | Working | August 7, 2017

(My decoder short circuited and I’m on the phone with the technical support desk trying to convince them of that fact. Note: I’m living within walking distance of their HQ, where tech support is located. By now, I have left my house, decoder in hand.)

Tech: “Sir, I really don’t know what else to say. I pinged your decoder and got a reply back. All is in good working order.”

Me: “You pinged it just now?”

Tech: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “And it showed the decoder properly connected?”

Tech: “Yes, sir, the same as ten minutes ago.”

Me: “I see. Do you have the serial number of my decoder?”

Tech: *clearly thinking I lost my sanity* “Of course, sir.”

Me: “Good.”

(I have arrived at the reception and approach the woman on the counter.)

Me: “Miss, would you please read the serial number out loud?”

(By now I have arrived at HQ and I shove my decoder under the nose of the girl at the reception desk.)

Receptionist: *clearly humouring a madman, she starts reading the number*

Tech: “[Receptionist], is that you?”

(Five minutes later and the tech was at reception exchanging my clearly fried decoder for a new one. Pinged or not, there is no better proof than the acrid smell of burnt circuits.)

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It’s Going To Be A ‘Long’ Day

| Working | August 3, 2017

(I come in to work a little early so I head into a back office to check my email before helping customers. Through the door I can hear my coworker explaining to a customer why their cable box is malfunctioning: )

Coworker: “Oh I see. Looks like you had a short 6′ cable. You really need a long 6′ cable.”

Me: *facepalm*

(I didn’t hear why that customer came in, but I’m pretty confident they called into tech support by the end of the day.)

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