Time For A New Brain

, | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a cable company in a call center. This is the end of a conversation I have with a customer.)

Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Oh, yes! I do have a question. There are these numbers on my cable box that keep changing. What are they? Like, right now, it says 5-4-7.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s the time.”

Not In Ermurica

, | Minnesota, USA | Bigotry

Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company], this is [name]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Do you speak English?”

Me: “Yes, I do. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Are you in Ermurica?”

Me: “Yes, I am in America.”

Caller: “You don’t sound like you’re an Ermurican. You sure you’re not in some Middle Eastern country like Australia?”

(Note: I am a caucasian male from Minnesota and I speak like one.)

Me: “No, I am in Minnesota, sir, speaking English. Is there an issue with your cable, or do you have–”

Caller: “Minnesota?! How is that Ermurican?” *hangs up*

From Couch Potato To Baked Potato

| British Columbia, Canada | Uncategorized

(Due to a large fire in our area, over 30,000 people are under mandatory evacuation until the fire can be brought under control.)

Customer: “Where’s my technician? I was promised a technician today!”

Me: “Well, your area is under a mandatory evacuation order due to a fire in the area. You should leave immediately if you’re still there. Our technician can’t get through the police roadblock to your home. We already called and left a message on your cell phone to advise you of this.”

Customer: “Well, I’m here. Where’s my technician? Why can’t I turn any lights on?”

Me: “The power to the affected areas has been cut deliberately due to the fire.”

Customer: “Why can’t he get past the roadblock? Why didn’t you call my landline?”

Me: “They’re not even letting people who live in the area enter the evacuation zone. We didn’t call your landline because no one should be home right now.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not my problem. Sort it out!”