A Scrambled Sense Of The Law

| ME, USA | Right | July 15, 2016

(Working for the local cable office we often get questions about services that are connected to TV, but not necessarily a service we provide.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys rent cable descramblers?”

Me: “Oh, do you mean antennas to get over-the-air channels?”

Customer: “No, cable descramblers for the people that want TV stations but don’t want to pay for them.”

Me: “No, ma’am. That’s not how business works. I can either set you up for TV or you can get an antenna.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t I get a descrambler?”

Me: “Because they are illegal, ma’am.”

(The customer went wide eyed and immediately changed the subject.)

Trying To Go Above Her Stations

, | SD, USA | Right | June 3, 2016

(I work in sales in a call center for a cable company. We are converting cable channels to digital format, so customers that don’t have equipment are losing their signal. A customer calls tech support because a lot of her channels stop working, and the tech support rep transfers the call to me. All she is paying for is basically local stations, but before she is getting the entire expanded basic lineup that was apparently leaking through. She wants to get her channels back, therefore the following conversation ensues.)

Me: “This is [My Name] from sales. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m not getting my stations anymore.”

Me: “Okay, to assist, what channels were you looking for?”

Customer: *names stations in higher package*

Me: “Okay, so it looks like those stations are in [X package]. Right now, you are paying for [Y package]. To upgrade, you’re looking at about $40 more per month.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want to pay for that. I just want my stations back.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, in order to get those channels, you will need [X package].”

Customer: “Why can’t you just give me my stations back?”

Me: “Since you are only paying for [Y package], you will only get those channels from now on. I apologize about any confusion. If you would like to upgrade to [X package] and get the channels included, the price is [price]. We can go ahead and upgrade you now and get that back for you. Also, we won’t even back-charge you for the free cable you have been getting for the last three years.”

Customer: “You guys are crooks.” *hangs up*

What Is This Channel Madness?!

| AL, USA | Working | July 19, 2015

(I am on the online help support chat. I don’t currently have any television service, and I have contacted them to see about ordering certain channels.)

Me: “Do you offer channels ala carte? I don’t want to pay for 300 channels just to get the three I might actually want.”

Chat agent: “Which channel did you want?”

Me: “It’s [premium channel].”

Chat agent: “That channel is available in our U300 package!”

Me: *head-desk*

A Persistent Stream

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Working | July 13, 2015

(I get a call from my Internet provider with yet another promotional offer.)

Caller: “We’d like to offer you six months free cable if you sign up now!”

Me: “Thanks, but I don’t own a TV. I stream everything I need online.”

Caller: “Yes, but this is for a free six months!”

Me: “No, I don’t think you understand. I don’t own a TV at all. Does your promo include a free TV? Because if not your offer really doesn’t do me any good. ”

Caller: “Well… no.”

Me: *chuckle* “Ok, then.”

Caller: “But! So… um, do you plan on getting a TV?”

Me: *face-palm*

(At least no one could say he wasn’t persistent!)

We’re In Flori-duh!

, | MI, USA | Working | April 21, 2015

Telemarketer: “We’re calling to make sure that you’re receiving the best value for your money.”

Me: “Thanks, but someone already called last week. We put our Internet service on hold until we return from Florida in the spring, and we don’t have cable TV. So, I don’t want you to waste your time.”

Telemarketer: “Uh, okay, well, who is your cable provider?”

Me: “[Your Company] is our provider, but like I said, we don’t have cable TV. We only have your Internet service, and that is on hold until spring.”

Telemarketer: “Well, we just want to make sure that you’re receiving the best value for your money—”

Me: “Yes, I know, but like I said, we’re in a whole ‘nother state; we’re not in our house so obviously we don’t want cable right now. Maybe in the future.”

Telemarketer: “How many TVs do you have in your home?”

Me: *sighing inwardly* “One.”

Telemarketer: “Is it high definition?”

Me: “Yes, but as I mentioned, we don’t want cable TV so you’re wasting your time.”

Telemarketer: “Uh, okay, well, we just want to make sure—”

Me: “Thanks, but no thanks. Goodbye!”

Page 2/612345...Last