You Can’t Handle The Truth

, , , , | Working | May 14, 2019

(I am getting ready to move to another city, and I am cancelling my utilities at the old place and setting stuff up at the new place. I have saved the cable company for last, as I want to drop their service entirely and go with someone else, and said cable company has just been in the news for being unbelievably difficult to deal with when cancelling service. Warily, I call customer service and tell them I want to cancel. Of course, I get transferred to a customer retention operator.)

Me: “Yes, I need to cancel my service as I’m moving to another city.”

Operator: “May I ask where you’re moving to?”

Me: *names city in another part of the state*

Operator: “Oh, well, we also serve that area! You can just have your service moved!”

Me: “Well, I really need to cancel.”

Operator: “You’ll be able to keep the same service there!”

Me: *having a sudden blast of inspiration* “Well, you see, I’m moving in with someone else… and they already have cable set up, so there’s no reason for me to move it or keep it!”

Operator: *pauses* “All right, then, let’s get your service cancelled!”

(And then cancellation was like a breeze. In retrospect, the guy probably wasn’t fooled, but it probably gave him a good reason to just go ahead with cancellation rather than having to pressure another customer to stay. Yes, I was lying. Usually I prefer to be honest with people, but in this case, after a much-publicized case of them high-pressuring customers to stay with them, I think I was justified.)

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The Generation That Will Just Wait For It To Be On YouTube

, , , , , | Working | April 30, 2019

(We’ve just moved into a new house. We don’t own a TV, as we tend to either read a lot or watch stuff we want to watch on the computer. As such, we want broadband Internet but not cable. The day they come to hook us up leads to this conversation.)

Cable Guy: “We’re here to set up your [Company] services, but there seems to be some mistake.”

Me: “Mistake?”

Cable Guy: “You haven’t paid for cable. I’m going to have to disconnect that, and you’ll be without cable unless you call them right away.”

Me: “That’s cool; we just want the broadband Internet.”

Cable Guy: “But I have to take the old cable box. You won’t be able to watch cable TV.”

Me: “Yes. I know. We don’t actually own a TV, and we really don’t want cable.”

Cable Guy: *sputtering* “You don’t… want… cable?”

Me: “Nope, we’re good. Just get the Internet up and we’re fine.”

(He proceeded to do his job, but he kept looking at me with this look that said, “Behold, this creature that walks like a human and doesn’t… want… cable…” I think I broke the cable guy that day.)

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It Does If You Fast-Forward At 88 Miles An Hour

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2019

I was at an office of my cable company, picking up my first DVR. The person helping me briefly went over how it all worked, like how far back I could rewind, recording, etc.

Then, with a resigned look, she adds, “You know you can’t fast-forward live television, right?”

I can only imagine how many complaining customers she’d dealt with who didn’t understand that the DVR was not, in fact, a time-travel machine into the future. I’ve never had so much sympathy for a cable company employee in my life.

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Unfiltered Story #138498

, , | Unfiltered | February 1, 2019

This is a story my brother told me, he was working at an otsourced call center for a major cable company in USA.

Brother: Thank you for calling Comcast Custome service, My name is Sal, how can I help you?

Customer: I want you to cancel these charges!

Brother: Can you give me your customer code or phone number?

The irate lady provides her customer number and my brother sees copious amounts of p*rn movies rentals.

Brother: Ma’am, you seem to have rented several movies this month.

Customer: What!? I did not do such thing! What movies were rented!?

My brother proceeds to read the titles of the movies, cinema gems such as “Cheating Wives”, “Naughty Coeds” and some others too explicit to mention here. As he continues to read the names she interrupts him.


Brother: It says here they were rented from your secondary box.

Customer: That’s impossible that’s my son’s TV, he’s only 11

She gasped suddendly as if some epiphany got to her and yells to the top of her lungs


She quickly hangs up

Unfiltered Story #137039

, , | Unfiltered | January 19, 2019

(I work for a tv, phone and broadband provider and have been taking calls for a while, we were warned that people might ask silly questions)

Me “hi your through to julie at [business] how can I help”

Customer “my broadband isn’t working, not connecting right”

Me “okay let me have a look at your account, is that a wirless n router you have”

Customer “no my internet isn’t wireless, it’s got a power cable”

(I had to put him on hold to take a minute, the worst of it was he was born in 1986).