(While driving a bus, I overhear this conversation between a mother and her child, right after a police car has driven by with lights and siren blaring.)

Child: “Mum, is that police car coming for us?”

Mother: “No, why?”

Child: “Because you told the bus driver I’m three and I’m really four.”

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(I’m a bus passenger and notice another passenger sitting with one half of her butt on one seat, and the other on another. The divider is between them, squarely up her crack.)

Bus Driver: “Ma’am, you’ll have to move. This bus is very crowded and you’re taking up two seats.”

Passenger: “What do you mean I’m taking up two seats? This is how you’re supposed to sit.”

Bus Driver: “No it isn’t, ma’am. You’re straddling the divider.”

Passenger: “You mean this isn’t the a**-cheek divider?”

Bus Driver: “No, ma’am, that’s the seat divider!”

Passenger: “Aw… but it feels good to sit like this!”

Bus Driver: “Well, ma’am, your… pleasure… will have to wait.”

(I was coming home on the bus and overheard a conversation between an elderly lady and the bus driver.)

Lady: “Oof! Do you mind?! You’re so awful!”

Bus Driver: “I’m sorry, ma’am? What’s the problem?”

Lady: “You keep starting and stopping the bus! I keep falling forward and backward, and it’s taking so long for me to get home. It’s getting dark!”

Bus Driver: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am. I have to stop at the designated stops.”

Lady: “Stop making excuses! There’s no reason to be doing this. Just ignore the stops!”

Bus Driver: “So you want me to ignore all the other people wanting to get on the bus?”

Lady: “Well, yes! Finally you understand! You can go back afterwards and get them! Is it so much to ask for good help anymore?!”