That Wasn’t Caused By The Food

, , , , , | Healthy | November 11, 2018

(I have just gotten off of work at a hospital and am waiting for a bus at a nearby bus station. I am wearing my uniform with the hospital’s name on it, and my ID badge which clearly says, “Culinary Services.”)

Driver: “Oh, do you work at [Hospital]?”

Me: “Yep.”

Driver: “Are you a nurse?”

Me: *laughing, pointing at my department on my ID* “No, I serve food.”

Driver: “Oh, well, I been having this problem every morning when I wake up; my chest hurts and I’m coughing.”

(She continues on, describing her symptoms in detail, including the color of her mucus. She swears she feels well otherwise, but mentions she was sick with flu-like symptoms earlier in the week.)

Me: *uncomfortable* “Well, that sucks.”

Driver: “What do you think it could be?”

Me: *my bus pulls up* “If I had to give my honest opinion, I’d say you have an URI from being sick earlier in the week. However, as I said, I’m not a medical professional, and you should probably see an actual doctor. [Hospital] has a clinic; I suggest going there.”

Might Be Hiding A BB Gun

, , , , , , | Working | August 1, 2018

(I am in the military. I am temporarily assigned to another unit, which requires me to report to another base. As I am the only person from my unit going there, no transportation is provided, and since I don’t have a car, I am traveling by bus, with all my usual equipment. I get off the first bus outside of Jerusalem’s central bus station and head inside to catch the next one I need. This being Jerusalem, the security is tight. The following ensues at the entrance:)

Security Guard: *to me* “Sir, I need to inspect your bag.”

(I show him my military ID, which is usually enough to avoid the hassle. Not this time.)

Security Guard: “Sir, I still need to inspect your bag.”

(I look down at myself, then at my sports bag.)

Me: “So, let me get this straight… I’m in full military uniform, which you can see. I’m carrying an assault rifle on a sling, openly, which you can see. There are a couple of ammo mags hanging on my belt, which you can see. My full combat vest, a helmet, and several more mags are wrapped around the outside of my bag, which you can also clearly see. And with all this in plain view, you are suspicious of what I may have inside my bag?”

(Yes, he still made me open the bag.)

The Rains Of Karma

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2018

(I am employed as a baggage handler at a small bus stop for interregional buses. There is a two-hour stop for one of the more popular routes. Customers can leave as many bags as they want with me for $2, so they can get something to eat and explore the town while waiting for their bus. On this particular day it is pouring with rain. The customer throws his two large duffel bags at me and starts to walk away.)

Me: “Excuse me; it’s $2 to store your bags.”

Customer: “And?”

Me: “If you don’t pay, I’ll have to leave your bags outside, and it’s raining quite heavily today.”

Customer: “You listen to me. This service should be part of my bus fare, and I am not giving you a single cent. My bags had better be with you when I return, or you’re not going to like what happens next.”

(He then stormed off, ignoring my warning. I picked up his bags and took them outside, The bus station was well-known for not having any outside shelter, so I left his bags where no one would trip over them, but still in the rain. He wound up coming back just when his bus was about to leave, and saw his bags sitting outside. I could tell he wanted to talk to me but couldn’t risk missing his bus. He picked up his bags and it was like a waterfall with all the water coming out if them. I never heard from him again. Thing is, if he had polite, I would have stored his bags for free, given how bad the weather was.)

Following The Rules Is Just Phoning It In

, , , , | Working | November 2, 2017

(I get a call from my girlfriend’s phone saying that it has been found on the bus and has been turned in to the lost and found. I message my girlfriend to let her know. She calls them and learns that they open after she starts work, so she tells them that I will pick up the phone. I go in the next day.)

Me: “I’m here to look for a lost phone.”

Receptionist: “Do you have a reason to believe we have it?”

Me: “I got a call saying the phone had been turned in. I suppose it might not have been turned in yet.”

(The receptionist looks in the box of phones. I describe it and the woman starts handing it to me.)

Receptionist: “Did you lose it on bus [number]?”

Me: “I think that’s the bus she would have been on, yes.”

Receptionist: “This isn’t your phone?”

Me: “Well, no, but my girlfriend called to say I would be picking it up.”

(The receptionist goes to her computer.)

Receptionist: “I don’t have an email except the one that says the phone was found.”

Me: “Well, yeah, she called the number. Unless you want to open up three hours early just for her, she can’t get it in person.”

Receptionist: “Well, thank you for being honest, but you can’t pick up things for your friend. Can you get her to contact us?”

Me: “If she has to come in and give permission, she will pick it up herself.”

(I understand following the rules, but the website gave a number to call, not an email address.)

Coffee Karma

, , , , | Friendly | August 24, 2017

(I am in my late teens, sitting in the intercity bus station, waiting for my bus’s arrival to be announced. There are two ladies sitting beside me, chatting about going for coffee, when all of a sudden one of them turns to me.)

Woman: “Would you like a coffee?”

Me: “Uh…”

Woman: “Oh, right, you’re too young for coffee. Never mind, then.”

(They get up and go without another word, leaving me feeling completely baffled. I then realize they left their luggage behind.)

Me: *mentally* “…crap.”

(Despite not being asked to do so, I proceed to sit there keeping a watchful eye on their luggage, since I would feel bad if I left them unattended and something happened. I’m also keeping a close eye on the clock, hoping they’ll come back soon. When there is less than ten minutes before my bus leaves, just as I am about to abandon their bags anyway, they finally return. As soon as I see them, I jump up and sprint to my bus’s bay so I don’t miss it. As I am in line to give the driver my ticket, they approach me.)

Woman: “Did you watch our luggage the entire time we were gone?”

Me: “Well, I didn’t want it to get stolen…”

Woman: “Thank you very much!”

Me: “Um, you’re welcome.”

(As luck would have it, I was actually able to get my preferred seat on the bus, even though it is usually claimed by the very first people on. I figured it was karma paying me back.)

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