If It Walks Like A Duck And Quacks Like A Fish

, , , , , , | Right | May 18, 2010

Customer: “I think my dog is allergic to this food I bought here.”

Me: “That’s too bad. Would you like to exchange it for another kind?”

Customer: “It’s the fish in it. I thought fish was good for dogs.”

Me: “It is unless they are allergic to it; every dog is different. Why don’t you try this one? It has duck in it.”

Customer: “Duck? Duck is fish!”

Me: “No, it’s not.”

Customer: “Well, what is it, then?”

Me: “Ducks are birds.”

Customer: “But they go in the water!”


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Decoration: Unknown

, , , | Right | April 27, 2010

(I’m contacting a customer because they’ve neglected to write down the postal code for their delivery address.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Warehouse]. I was wondering if you could provide me with the postal code so that I can get this order delivered to you.”

Customer: *sighs* “You really need that?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer:  “Oh. I thought it was just a decoration.”

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Product May Require A Certain Level Of Manurity

, , , , | Right | April 12, 2010

(A customer lifts a bag of steer manure onto the counter.)

Customer: “I’ve got a question. What makes steer manure different from mushroom manure?”

Me: “Well, steer manure is made from the droppings of–”

Customer: “Wait. You said droppings? As in waste?”

Me: “Yes, manure is made from decomposed waste.”

Customer: “So… what exactly is a steer?”

Me: “It’s just another name for a cow.”

Customer: “So steer manure is… Oh, God. Oh, God!” *leaves without buying the manure*

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Driving On The Blind Side Of Caution

, , , | Right | April 9, 2010

(A couple comes up to me and points to the traffic intersection just outside the store.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what is that strange beeping sound that is happening when the lights change?”

Me: “Oh, that is the audio signal system to let blind or visually impaired people know when to cross the street. Each way has its own sound.”

Customer’s Wife: “You let your blind people drive?!”

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A Gold Medal For Meddling With Time

, , , , , , , | Right | March 26, 2010

(I work for a network that is hosting the 2010 Olympic games. The network is selling a DVD pack of Olympic highlights that people can order now, and will be sent to them when the Olympics have finished.)

Me: “Hello and thanks for calling. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I saw the ad on TV about the Olympic DVD pack you’re selling, and I’d like to order one. I was wondering if I could get them shipped to me by Friday. My son’s birthday is on Saturday.”

Me: “Sir, the Olympics don’t end until Sunday.”

Caller: “So, what’s the problem?”

Me: “You’re asking to have them shipped to you two days before the Olympics end. And even after the Olympics are over, I’m sure it’s going to take some time to get all of the packages made and shipped.”

Caller: “So you can’t have them here by Friday?”

Me: “Sir, there is no way to get them to you by Friday because the Olympics don’t end until Sunday.”

Caller: “That’s ridiculous! Now what are we supposed to get Johnny? Isn’t there any way they can get all the Olympics done before Friday?”

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