Yukon Spend It

, , , | Right | March 25, 2010

Me: “Okay, your total is $189.14. Cash or credit?”

Customer: “Cash.” *hands me $200 American*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We don’t accept US currency.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because this is Canada.”

Customer: “Last time I was in Canada I used American cash.”

Me: “Well, sir, that place probably accepted different currencies. I can only accept Canadian.”

Customer: “I don’t have any! I only have Visa.”

Me: “We accept Visa.”

Customer: “Wait! Let me get this straight: you won’t accept my American cash, but you’ll accept an American credit card?”

Me: “Yes.”

(He throws the card at me. I swipe it through and he gathers his bags.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous. When did Canada get its own currency, anyway?”


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They Really Should Call Them Help(less) Lines

, , , | Right | March 19, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Service Provider]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My cable TV isn’t working.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re a cell phone company.”

Customer: “I know, but I thought that you people would be able to help me with that anyway.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can only assist you with your cell phone service.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. I’m sorry, but we’re only trained to deal with phones. We don’t know anything at all about cable TV.”

Customer: “Oh, then who should I call?”

Me: “Do you have your cable bill with you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Is there a 1-800 number on it?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You need to call that number.”

Customer: “Oh. Thank you!”


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In(tentional) Sickness And In Health

, , , , , , | Healthy Right | March 14, 2010

(We respond to an unconscious diabetic. While my partner is treating the patient, I am asking the wife some questions.)

Me: “So, is your husband on any medications?”

(She lists the medications her husband is on, including insulin.)

Me: “And has he been compliant with those medications lately?”

Wife: “Nope.”

Me: “Do you know why not?”

Wife: “Well, we had a big fight last week, so I hid all his meds. He hasn’t found them yet.”


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Unfortunately, The Vice Squad Is All Tied Up At The Moment

, , , , , | Right | February 24, 2010

Customer: “You ought to be ashamed of yourself! There are kinky things in the family section!”

Me: “I’m sorry, maybe something got incorrectly shelved. If you could just show me?”

Customer: “Here! Look!”

(He grabs a DVD and waves it under my face. It’s an old episode of ‘Doctor Who’ which features the main character blindfolded on the cover.)

Me: “Sir, that is an old children’s show. There’s nothing adult, kinky or otherwise, going on there.”

Customer: “Don’t be ridiculous! I know filth when I see it!”

Me: “I promise you, this is a popular family show in Britain.”

Customer: “Well, no wonder they’re all perverts over there! I demand you remove this from your shelves! You shouldn’t sell these things if you haven’t even seen them!”

Me: “Actually, I have seen it, and I wholeheartedly approve.”

Customer: “Pervert!”

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Time Zoned Out

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2010

(A customer calls in from Los Angeles.)

Caller: “How late are you open there?”

Me: “Five pm.”

Caller: “Yeah, but like, what time zone?”

Me: “Five pm, Pacific Standard Time.”

Caller: “What time would that be here?”

Me: “Sir, we are directly north of you so we are on the same clock as you; Pacific Standard Time.”

Caller: “Well, I don’t know your Canadian time zones! What’s that in American?”

Me: “Sir, what time is it there?”

Caller: “Three pm”

Me: “It is three pm here as well; we are on the same time. We close in two hours at 5 pm your time.”

Caller: “Wait a minute! It’s the same time there? Don’t you have your own time?”


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