Customer: “Hi. I want some sandwich meat, but I’m on a diet, so I can’t have anything with too much salt.”
Me: “Well, our beef has no added salt, so that should work for you.”
Customer: “Oh, no, I’m lactose intolerant. Unless your beef only comes from boy cows?”
I have very light skin and come from a not very diverse area. My first exposure to people with darker skin tones was when I saw Mowgli in The Jungle Book.
When I was about three-and-a-half years old, I was at the store with my father and, to my amazement, I saw a black man. I immediately asked my dad, loud enough that everyone could hear, “IS HE FROM THE JUNGLE?!”
My dad apologized to the man and hurried out of the store, leaving his cart full of items behind.
I got a huge lecture in the car, and my father did his shopping elsewhere for a few months. My dad will never let me live this down.
(I am hanging out with a friend, about to smoke, and he hands me a lighter. It has a child-lock on it, and when I buy lighters, the first thing I do is rip the lock off.)
Me: “Aw, man, you keep the child-lock on them?”
Friend: “Yeah… because we have a CHILD.”
Me: “Oh, right… that is an excellent point.”
(Every other time we hung out, we ended up having to do a lighter exchange, because somehow I’d end up with his girlfriend’s pink lighters and he’d end up with my child-lock-less lighters.)
(In grade five, I have an awesome teacher that, in addition to giving us an excellent education, has made it her quest to make us more polite.)
Teacher: *says something a student didn’t quite hear*
Student: “What?”
Teacher: “Pardon?”
Student: *louder* “What?”
Teacher: “Pardon?”
Student: *louder still* “What?”
Teacher: “Pardon?”
Student: *even louder* “What?”
Teacher: “Pardon?”
Student: *finally getting it* “Pardon?”
Teacher: “Oh.” *repeats unheard statement*
(She warned us on the very first day that she would play this game, but for the first few months it took some practice. Thanks to her, nearly twenty years later, I always say “pardon” when I don’t hear someone the first time.)
(The following takes place in a store that is clearly going out of business. The sales floor is in a shambles, prices of merchandise have been reduced significantly, and the staff morale is at an all-time low.)
Customer: “Hey, how much is this?”
Coworker: *scans item* “It’s [price], sir.”
Customer: “Can you give me a better price than that? You’re getting rid of it anyway, right?”
Coworker: “It’s still [price], sir.”
Customer: “You know what? I don’t know if I like that attitude of yours. I want to speak to your manager!”
Coworker: “Go right ahead, sir. He’s just gonna tell you the same thing.”
(At this point, our manager walks in.)
Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”
Customer: “Your employee has an attitude problem!”
Manager: “Sir, I was standing right over there the whole time—” *pointing to a nearby location* “—and I heard the whole thing. All I heard was [Coworker] telling you the price of an item.”
Customer: “Well, yeah, but I don’t like the attitude she was giving me! Aren’t you going to do something about that?”
Manager: “What do you want me to do? Fire her? We’re all going to be losing our jobs, anyway!”
Customer: “I still expect you to reprimand her! That kind of behavior is unacceptable in customer service!”
Manager: “Says the guy trying to haggle like we’re at a god-d*** flea market! I don’t give a s*** anymore. Either pay the price shown on the register, or get the h*** out of my store!”
(Closing times are fun times.)
This story is part of our Hagglers roundup.
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