Your Knowledge Knit His Brow

, , , , | Right | March 12, 2019

(An elderly gentleman is looking around the products near where I’m standing at the register. I’m twenty-five, but I look much younger and could be mistaken for one of the teenagers out of school for summer holidays.)

Customer: *picks up a set of crochet hooks* “What are these for?”

Me: “They’re crochet hooks.”

Customer: “That’s like knitting, right?”

Me: “That’s right! Instead of two needles, you use one hook, but a bit like knitting, yeah.”

(I crochet in my spare time, so I’m quite happy to talk about the hooks, since I know my stuff.)

Customer: “You know, a lot of girls your age don’t know things like that anymore. They don’t know how to sew or knit or anything; they just don’t care.”

(I just stood there, a little dumbfounded, until he wandered off, thinking to myself that HE didn’t know that, either. A little later, I could hear him asking my — much older than me — coworker questions about some of the electronics we had further into the shop, and making snide comments when she didn’t know all the answers. I guess I really disappointed him by proving that “kids these days” do still know about crafts. For the record, I sew, as well, but he’s right that I can’t knit!)

Unfiltered Story #113866

, , | | Unfiltered | June 11, 2018

(I work in a supermarket handling fruit, vegetables and flowers. We have gloves that we usually wear, which allows me to wear a ring on my middle finger. I take off my gloves to do price reductions. A customer approaches me)
Customer #1: …Aren’t you a little young to be married?
Me: What? Oh no, this isn’t a wedding ring.
(I even hold up my hand to illustrate that the ring isn’t on the right finger.)
Customer #1: Oh.
(Not two minutes later, another customer notices my ring.)
Customer #2: So nice to see that young people these days still wear promise rings. Good for you for waiting.
Me: Um, no…this isn’t a promise ring.
(Again I hold up my hand to show it’s not on my ring finger. The customer just walks away. I move to reduce a different area when one of my coworkers approaches.)
Coworker: Oh, nice ring! I didn’t know you were engaged.
Me: That’s because I’m not!

Anger Mismanagement

, , , , , , | Learning | April 10, 2018

This story took place years ago, when I was very young. Due to some nasal spray I was using for my hay fever, I would have frequent but unpredictable nosebleeds. I also attended a taekwondo class.

I was paired for sparring with a kid who everyone knew has anger management issues, but hadn’t caused any trouble. I was a higher belt than he was, and I had padded sparring gear, but I was also a year younger and quite small for my age.

As soon as the teacher called, “Go,” the kid raised his fists and started to slam them down, clearly aiming for my head. I held my arms up over my head to defend myself, but quickly ended up just on the ground with him battering my arms like he thought he was the Hulk. I could hear the teacher yelling and he was pulled away from me. The whole thing lasted maybe 30 seconds, but it felt longer.

The teacher called both our parents, telling mine that there had been a minor incident and they were needed, but telling his that they needed to come and collect him because he was no longer welcome as a student.

My mum, a nurse, arrived first and checked me over; I was fine. I took off my sparring helmet and just sat with her on a bench, while the two oldest students tried — unsuccessfully — to distract the rest of the class. Then, coincidentally, one of the nose bleeds from my nasal spray started.

The boy’s parents arrived, absolutely furious and demanding to know why their son had been kicked out of the class. The first thing they saw as they entered the hall was a tiny blond child in sparring gear, while their mother held a bloody tissue to their nose. Their anger instantly redirected to their son, and they apologised profusely to the teacher before taking him home.

I felt kind of bad that they thought their son gave me the nosebleed, but I realised that he would have done it to someone eventually, and it was best to have him removed from the class until his anger was successfully under control. Years down the line, he was permanently excluded for starting fights at school, so I guess he never did.

The Lord Taketh Away

, , , , , | Right | February 11, 2018

(A man comes in, picks up a few snacks, and goes to check out. He also mentions he’s a priest.)

Priest: “Would you give me a 15% discount because I’m a man of the Lord?”

Me: “Is the Lord a fan of extortion?”

(Awkward silence.)

They’re Not The Brightest Light In The Place

, , , , , , | Right | January 24, 2018

(I work in a bicycle repair shop diagnosing issues. A customer and I are trying to work out the issue with his bike when an older woman pushes her way to the front of the line and starts screaming at me.)

Older Woman: “I can’t use your bloody bathroom! What’s wrong with this place?!”

(I say, “Excuse me,” to my current customer and turn to the woman.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Older Woman: “Your stupid lights in the bathroom are reversed.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Older Woman: “I go into the bathroom and the lights are on, and when I flip the switch, it goes dark!”

Me: “Are you sure–“

Older Woman: “I will stand here all day unless you fix it now!”

(I go into the bathroom and flip the switch off, so when she walks in, she’ll flip the light on. After going to the bathroom, she comes back to the desk, and once again interrupts the customer:)

Older Woman: “Here I was thinking you had to be bright to fix one of these bikes. But you don’t even know to get a proper light in the bathroom!”

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