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Thanks A Lot, DrunkDash

, , , , , , , | Working | December 21, 2020

Since getting hit by health crisis layoffs while my wife was on leave caring for our newborn, takeout and delivery food are luxuries we use sparingly. We still live in a complex with a fairly affluent population because our landlord prefers we stay and pay some rent rather than the expensive reletting process.

We order delivery on [Popular Platform] and the order total is above $50; the order proceeds as normal until the items are picked up. Then, the tracking seems to look like the driver is weaving all across the opposite end of town. That’s no big deal as it usually means they have other orders to deliver. However, after waiting half an hour beyond the expected arrival, I have a chat with customer service.

Me: “This is regarding [Order Number].”

Customer Service: “One moment, please.”

They do an ID verification.

Customer Service: “It looks like the item has been delivered.”

Me: “Delivered? To whom? Nobody has been to our door and no food has been left at the gate.”

Customer Service: “The driver has marked the food delivered, so it has been. Your card will be charged. I will not be doing any refunds at the moment for you.”

Me: “If you can tell me when the person came to our door, I can check to see if someone stole the food off our steps as we have cameras.”

Customer Service: “Well, they were at [Suburb twenty minutes away] where they picked up the parcel, and then they drove to [Suburb even further away] where they marked the item—”

Me: “Please check my verified address against the suburb the item was last seen in and check how far apart they are.”

Customer Service: “Erm, it looks like the driver has been stationary for a while. Let me call them.”

When they return:

Customer Service: “I don’t know how to say this… It looks like the driver marked your item delivered, started their break, and they were in the process of eating your food when they decided they needed a beer to go along with it and just drove home. How about I ask the restaurant to remake the dish? They will deliver it as soon as they finish eating.”

Me: “So, your solution is for someone who admits to being drunk on the clock to drive across town to pick up the food and drive to my home. I’ll be reporting you for your tone earlier accusing me of just making up a complaint, and now for covering for a drunk driver.”

Dismembering Their Policies

, , , , , , | Working | December 4, 2020

I am at a bulk purchase store that requires membership. I am purchasing a number of items for my household, as well as some snacks for myself which I want to pay for separately. I’ve set these in two piles accordingly, separated by a divider.

Cashier: “Welcome! Can I have your membership card?”

Me: *Gesturing* “These ones are both mine; I just want to do them as separate transactions.”

Cashier: “Oh, unfortunately, with a [membership], you’re only allowed to do a single transaction.”

Me: “Okay, so then, if you want to put these—” *indicates my personal items* “—aside, I’ll just come back in and buy them later.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, what?”

Me: “There’s nothing stopping me from coming back, right? Like, my membership isn’t going to be denied at the register if I come back in five minutes and make another purchase? So go ahead and put these aside and I’ll buy them another time.”

Cashier: *In a huff* “Well, I’ll put them through this time, but next time, you need to do them as one transaction.”

Me: “Okay, sure, thank you.”

I get that you have a policy in place to stop people buying things for “non-members” and paying separately, but don’t get mad at me for pointing out the unenforceable nature of it!

They’re In Four A Rude Awakening

, , , , , | Right | October 17, 2020

I am working an evening shift. A customer comes in, disgustingly chewing a plastic straw right in front of my face as well as leaning over the counter. We do a $5 quarter-chicken-and-chips deal but it’s only available until 4:00 pm and there are big, bold, black letters on the banner that states this policy.

Customer: “Can I get that $5 thing you have?”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we can’t do that after 4:00 pm.”

Customer: “What?! It’s not f****** after 4:00 pm!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s 4:45 pm. That’s what it says on my register.”

I then watch him take out his phone. He starts adjusting the time on his phone so it can say 3:55, and then he proceeds to shove his phone in my face saying it’s 3:55 pm and that my register is wrong.

Customer: *Angry* “Seeee?! Are you f****** blind? It’s before 4:00 pm, you idiot!”

Me: *Getting annoyed* “I’d appreciate it if you got your phone out of my face. Even if you think it’s before 4:00 pm, I physically can’t do it because the icon is blocked after 4:00 pm, meaning it’s useless if I touch it.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you! Let me see.”

He leaned over the register and began clicking random buttons to try and find the icon which then started popping up random orders on the bump screen. Luckily, my coworker was confused with all the random orders so he came over. He saw the guy almost in the front counter, grabbed him by the shirt, and literally threw him out of the store like rubbish and shut the door.

Never saw the guy again.

Where Parenting Meets Intervening

, , , , , | Right | September 24, 2020

My friend is telling me about what happened to her at work yesterday.

Customer: “Could I have a large [burger] value meal, and a three-nugget kids’ meal?”

Friend: “Certainly. That will be [price].”

The customer looks through his wallet and finds that he doesn’t have enough for both the meals.

Customer: “Change that to just the large [burger] and a forty-cent ice cream cone?”

My friend looks at the man’s young daughter and doesn’t want to give her just that for what is obviously going to be her only dinner.

Friend: “Okay.”

Her coworkers work on his meal, while she makes the ice cream cone. The young girl starts crying and saying that she wants hot fudge. My friend, feeling sorry for her, decides to make her a hot fudge sundae rather than the cone, without charging the man any extra.

Customer: “What do you think you’re doing? Why are you intervening in my parenting?!”

My friend gets grumpy at this, as the man obviously values himself more than his daughter, but she just ignores it. She does, however, let her manager know about it, who decides to give the girl ten mini-nuggets, free of charge.

Customer: “Stop intervening in my parenting!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, it’s a thing called human decency and making sure everyone gets fed.”

I was completely flabbergasted that a father would value his own meal over something for his daughter to eat, when he could have bought a small meal for him, and one for her, not to mention his outrage at their attempt to help feed his daughter for him.

This Interviewer Knows How Fathers Work

, , , , , , | Related | July 31, 2020

When our first child is eight months old, we plan a family holiday to Fiji. Our daughter is too young to have her own passport so she has to be added to mine. My husband also needs to sign that he approves for her to go on my passport. This is to check that the mother isn’t planning to take the child overseas behind the father’s back.

This is considered such a serious concern that they follow up on the husband’s permission with a phone interview. Accordingly, my husband gets a call from the passport office in Canberra.

Interviewer: “Good morning, sir. We’re just following up on a passport application for your daughter. We need your approval to process it.”

Husband: “Yes, that’s all good. I’m fine with it; it’s a family holiday”.

Interviewer: “Very good, sir. Can I just confirm you are the child’s father with a few questions? Firstly, what is the child’s middle name?”

My husband’s family doesn’t do middle names. Mine does, so we used a traditional family middle name which he was fine with because he didn’t care either way. Unfortunately, he’s forgotten it!

Husband: “Um, I can’t remember, sorry.”

Interviewer: “Oh, okay. Well, next question, what is the child’s birth date on the passport application?” 

This is eight months after the birth. We have not yet celebrated a birthday for her, so while he knows it’s early [Month], he’s not really sure of the date. So he guesses… and he gets it wrong.

Interviewer: “Oooookaay! Final question, what is the mother’s maiden name?”

By this time, my husband is extremely flustered. It has not occurred to him that they mean his daughter’s mother — we’re still not feeling old and mature enough to be parents — so he hears the question wrong, and he knows MY mother’s maiden name, so he gives that.

That’s three out of three wrong.

The interviewer starts laughing.

Interviewer: “Well, sir. If this was a fraudulent application, you would have been coached better than that. Only a real father would get every question wrong. All good here, sir. Thank you. Enjoy your holiday!”

Since then, he has been much better with all the details.