(Our photo developing machine requires regular water refills, which we get by filling a 20-liter jug in the staff room and carrying it across the large sales floor back to the machine. Most of the staff fill it halfway or use a trolley, but it’s much quicker to just fill it all the way and carry it, which is what I do.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. I just need to squeeze past you for a moment.”

Customer: *sees me carrying the 20-liter jug* “Oh, my God! Do they make you carry that? That’s too heavy for a little girl like you!”

Me: “It’s fine, ma’am. It’s only 20 kilos, and I’m only carrying it across the store. If you could just move to one side of the aisle, I’ll be able to put it down soon, too.”

Customer: “But one of the boys should be doing that! A girl can’t carry all that! And you’re so tiny!”

Me: “Well, I actually do this pretty regularly, so I guess it doesn’t really matter if I’m a girl or—”

Customer: “Here!”

(Without warning, she slams both her hands into the bottom of the jug so it hits me in the face. The jug sloshes water all over me, the aisle, and the jug, making it very slippery, and leaves me both bruised and uncomfortable.)

Customer: “There! Now at least it’s a bit lighter.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “You’re welcome!”

This story is part of our Women’s Equality Day roundup!

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(I work in one of Australia’s most popular consumer electronics companies. One day, I have an older lady of about 70 years come in to return a digital radio.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Can I point you in the right direction?”

Customer: “No, I’m here to return this radio. The world has gone stupid!”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Customer: “I turn the thing on and it says ‘scan channels’! I don’t get any sound!”

Me: “Did you press the scan button?”

Customer: “No. Why would I do something stupid like that?”

Me: “It’s how you get the channels, ma’am. You scan the stations and then just press the ‘next’ button to find what you’re after.”

Customer: “The world has gone stupid! I’m an educated lady! Why does everything have to be so difficult?”

Me: “Did you read the manual, ma’am?”

Customer: “It’s a f****** radio! I shouldn’t have to read any manuals.”

(I show the customer exactly what is needed to be done.)

Customer: “I’m an educated old lady! I shouldn’t have to learn anything new! The world has gone stupid! You’re all a bunch of morons! The world is supposed to be getting easier!”

Me: “And how is pressing two buttons so difficult, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, how do I tune it then?”

Me: “As I just showed you, ma’am, you press this button.” *points to “scan”* “Then, this button.” *points to “next”* “Keep pressing it until you find the station you want. It’s simple.”

Customer: “The world is stupid! Things are meant to be getting easier, not harder!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what would you like me to do about it?”

Customer: “I want a digital radio that works like the old-style transistor.”

Me: “We don’t have those, sorry.”

Customer: “You do! I saw them there when I bought this piece of garbage.”

Me: “These ones? These are analogue, not digital.”

Customer: “How is that my problem?”

Me: “You can’t pick up the digital channels with these.”

Customer: “And?”

Me: “You bought this one because you wanted the digital channels, yes?”

Customer: “I would have thought that obvious!”

Me: “Analogue won’t pick up digital. It also isn’t as clear.”

Customer: “The world has gone stupid! An educated woman like me shouldn’t have to learn anything new!”

Next Customer In Line: “Have you ever thought you’re the stupid one lady? It’s two f***ing buttons! I’m older than you and I can use one!”

(She continues to mutter about the world and its stupidity while leaving the store after insisting on a refund.)

(I work in a well-known alcohol retailer. There are a number of signs that state in large, bold print that it is illegal to purchase alcohol for minors all over the store. Also, for our store there is no “the customer is always right” rule when dealing with alcohol: the law takes precedence. Anyway, I’m preparing to close the store when a woman rushes in).

Customer: “Thank f*** you’re still open! I need a present for my daughter’s 16th birthday. She loves bourbon. What do you recommend?”

Me: “I’m sorry, did you just say “16th” birthday? Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but it is illegal to purchase alcohol for minors. I cannot serve you, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store.”

Customer: “What the f*** are you talking about? She’s my daughter. I can buy her booze if I want to!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid not. As these signs quite clearly state, it is illegal to purchase or supply alcohol to a minor. This does not make a distinction as to whether you’re a parent or not. Truth be told, as a parent, you should know better.”

Customer: “She’s my f***ing daughter and I’ll buy her f***ing alcohol if I f***ing want to! Now shut the f*** up and do your job!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am doing my job. Obeying the law is a very big part of my job, as [corporation name] takes a very dim view of staff members who breach the responsible service of alcohol laws. Now please leave my store.”

Customer: “F*** YOU THEN! I’m not buying the booze for her. I’m buying it for me! Now f*** you and sell it to me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…you’ve already told me it’s for her. I’m not selling you anything. What you’re asking me, a complete stranger, to do is break a Federal Law and put myself at risk of over $90,000 in fines, the loss of my job and never being able to work anywhere that sells alcohol again. I’m not willing to do that for my family, so why would I do that for a rude customer?”

Customer: “Who the f*** do you think you are to say no to me? Do you know who I am?!”

Me: “Someone who has absolutely no care for the law, her children or their well-being, and had better get the f*** out of my store right now before I physically throw you out and call the police?”

Customer: *shuts up and flees*

(A middle-aged man approaches my register with a carton of beer, which he struggles to lift onto the counter.)

Customer: “I must be getting old. I can’t even get it up anymore!”

(There’s a long awkward silence as he realizes what he said.)

Customer: “Oh… I’m so sorry!”

(I operate a mobile pet hydrobath, and I’m brushing knots out of a border collie before washing him. He is still completely dry when his owner comes out of the house.)

Customer: “Where’s the drowned rat?”

Me: *laughs* “He’s not drowned yet. I’m just going to brush out these knots.”

Customer: *to his dog* “Aww, who’s a drowned rat?”

(I figure he can’t see into the bath and didn’t hear me.)

Me: “I haven’t washed him yet. I’m just giving him a good brush first.”

(The owner climbs into the trailer where he can clearly see the completely dry dog.)

Customer: *to his dog* “Now that’s a drowned rat if ever I saw one!”

Me: “Heh, not yet—”

Customer: *to his dog* “Who’s a drowned rat?”

This story is part of our Border Collie roundup!

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