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Beguiling Bagels

, , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(I work at a deli which makes all its sandwiches in the morning, and sells them until they run out. We do not make sandwiches on demand.)

Customer: “Hey, could you make me a ham and cheese bagel?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we only have what’s in the cabinet right now.” *points to the three salmon bagels we have left*

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Customer: “…so, could you make me a ham and cheese panini?”

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Cannot Accommodate Your Personality

, , , , , | Friendly | September 14, 2017

(A friend posts on social media about needing accommodation while she attends a seminar. I know the post is aimed at me, as I am the only person she knows that lives in the area, five hours from her home. I feel obligated to “invite” her, but also hopeful that we can rekindle our friendship that has started to drift apart. I soon notice small things that make it obvious that it’s not the case for her. She expects me to pay for her meals, when usually we go dutch, or the person visiting pays for the other’s meal. Conversations are short and curt. She demands that the television be turned off when she goes to bed at 8:30, because any sound disturbs her. My husband decides to try starting a conversation with her.)

Husband: “It’s nice to see you. I know [My Name] is happy to spend time with you after so long. It’s good that you are able to stay here”.

Friend: “Well, where else was I going to get free accommodation?”

(My husband just did a double-take, wondering if she was joking. He then gave me a look before leaving the room, when he realised she wasn’t. When she was leaving, she informed me that, seeing as I had invited her this time, it meant that it was an open invitation to come whenever she had another seminar in our area. Thankfully, she soon gave up on the course she had spent thousands of dollars on, so I no longer had to worry. I also cut down our communications on social media.)

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IOU Nothing

, , , , | Right | June 30, 2017

(A woman has entered our shop, which has a very generous returns policy. This is the second time she has visited with the same story, and the second time this conversation has played out.)

Customer: “I came in just before Christmas to swap [Cosmetic] for another one more suitable, and the lady behind the counter said she ‘shouldn’t do this’ but gave me an IOU since you were out of the one I needed. Then my wallet was stolen with the IOU in it. I came in last week and you wouldn’t help me. But I still want my [Product].”

Me: “I’m very sorry your wallet was stolen. Can you describe the person who served you?”

Customer: *perfectly describes a distinctive staff member*

Me: “That sounds like [Coworker]. She left the company over a month before Christmas. And she would have been perfectly qualified to issue you a credit note — no ‘I shouldn’t do this’ needed.”

Customer: “I still want my [Product].”

Me: “I don’t have any return, credit note, or ‘IOU’ to put into the system. It’s like having no cash.”

Customer: *getting angry* “I’m upset that you won’t give me my [Product]!”

Me: “It’s not that I don’t believe you, but I have no credit note as evidence and the staff member you describe wasn’t here at the time you specified. And none of my staff would do an ‘under-the-table’ IOU. I’m always right here if they need help to process a return.”

Customer: “It’s not fair that I don’t get anything! No refund! No [Product]!”

Me: “I don’t have anything to use as tender.”

(I call the manager over, who listens to the story again. It goes around in circles so many times we give in.)

Manager: “I will give you a free [Product] this once. But it’s important that you understand that without any credit note, receipt, or evidence I can’t help you in future; it’s as if I went to another shop and said, ‘My $100 cash has been stolen! Can I have $100 of free stock?’ I’m sorry that your wallet was lost, but unfortunately I can’t give things away for free.”

Customer: “Hmff! Thank you.”

(I can imagine this lady might have gone on to trade all her invisible lost loyalty cards in for free juices and coffees. The customer is not always bright…)

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One Of Them Is Not Very Personable

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2016

Caller: “Hi, can I get a maxi taxi?”

Me: “Sure. Is that for a wheelchair or group of people?”

Caller: “There are four people travelling. Two adults and three children.”

Me: “…”


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If I Had To Portuguess…

, , , | Friendly | October 12, 2015

(I am with my husband at this place of work, a student agency. Being a student agency, people from all over the world happens to stop by. We are both Brazilian but have been living in Brisbane for a few months now. My husband does not look like any nationality in specific, but a mixture of Italian, Spanish, and African descendant. He is at the kitchen making a cup of tea and since it’s winter, he’s wearing a suit and a scarf. There are two women near the kitchen and they start talking about him in Portuguese:)

Woman #1: “Uhm… look at this guy. Is he gay?”

Woman #2: “I don’t know… Maybe?”

Woman #1: *analyzing him* “Uhmmm… he definitely is. He’s wearing a scarf. He has to be gay!”

(My husband, trying really hard not to laugh, speaks very seriously in Portuguese:)

Husband: “No, I am NOT gay!”

(They both looked like they had seen a ghost and started to apologize. He left the kitchen with his tea and not a single laugh, trying to look very angry, but burst into tears immediately after!)


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