I have had recurrent urinary infections for a while, so after the most recent one is treated, my doctor sends me for an ultrasound to make sure nothing is left in my bladder to explain it.

To do this, you have to have a full bladder, so they tell you to drink two big glasses of water about thirty minutes before the appointment. I do this and arrive at the clinic ten minutes before to start waiting. By this point, I am starting to feel the need to go.

The appointment ends up being thirty minutes late, and at this point, I am almost crying in pain from my bladder being so full. I finally get in, and they scan before and after I have peed.

The doctor then gives me the news that I might have urinary retention and this could be serious.

However, I am not so sure, as it is literally just above the most minor category.

Fast forward to my meeting with my usual doctor. He reads the report and gets to that point in it. He snorts.

Doctor: “Most people’s bladder has a capacity of about 500ml; you had just over 600ml. I’d be surprised if you didn’t have some retention. The guy doing the scan is an idiot.”

At least I now know why I was in so much pain.

My parents separated when I was in my early teens, and for some years, it was ugly between them. While my mom made sure that I still had a relationship with my dad, I was extremely angry about what he did to my mom and tried to avoid being around him too much, especially because he kept trying to bad-talk Mom to me.

One day, he turns to me and starts to complain.

Dad: “Your mom was crazy, honey. She would scream at me for no reason.”

Me: “Mhm.”

Dad: “I would get home and she would make up all sorts of accusations.”

Me: “Okay.”

Dad: “I never said anything back. I don’t know why she would treat me like that. She is crazy, I’m telling you.”

I got fed up, and for the first time, I decided to stand up to him.

Me: “Please stop. This is all a lie.”

Dad: “What are you talking about? Did she poison you against me already?!”

Me: *Quietly* “This speech of yours might work with my brothers, Dad… but did you forget my bedroom shares a wall with the kitchen? All the times you two went to argue there instead of your bedroom to not wake us up, well, I woke up for them. I heard it all. I know what happened. Stop talking bad things about Mom to me, because if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t even come to have lunch with you anymore.”

Surprisingly, it worked. He looked ashamed like I had never seen him before — or since — and stopped talking. He only started to trash-talk Mom to me one more time, but then he saw the look on my face and got quiet.

My uncle is a professor at a university. He was pretty sure there were quite a high number of cheaters but could never quite catch them. He then came up with this plan.

For the exam, he would give the same questions but with different data. Therefore, the process would be the same but the answers different. He said that by comparing the seating plan with the knowledge of the intelligent students, he could see the answers walking around the tests.

Instead of taking their punishment, apparently, a lot of the students who had been cheating would come up to him afterward to ask:

Student: “Why didn’t I get the point for this question? [Classmate] put the same answer and got the point!”

Uncle: “Did you actually read the question and not just their answer?”

English is not my first language; this happened in Portuguese and I translated.

I am on the IT team, and my director asked me to write an email for bankers about an activity they have to do via Teams.

Director: “Hi, can you write the email in  IPS?”

Me: “Yes, of course!”

But I had no idea what the h*** “IPS” was, so I went to my manager.

Me: “What is IPS?”

My manager laughed and then explained.

Manager: “IPS — ‘Idiot-Proof Style’.” “APB — ‘à prova de burros’.”

I was presenting a website to a group of very well-educated yet non-tech college professors. It was a pretty regular layout, with a lot of content scrolling down. The head of the department only had one comment.

Client: “I don’t know if I like the content scrolling down. Can we make it more like a book, with everything scrolling to the right? I never saw a website that scrolls down.”

Never saw a website that scrolls down.