(My boyfriend and I are half-asleep in bed together. Note, we’ve been discussing one day getting a house together.)
Boyfriend: *randomly turns to me* “I should think so.”
Me: *now awake* “What do you mean?”
Boyfriend: *now also awake* “You asked me a question.”
Me: *realising he probably dreamed it* “What did I ask you?”
Boyfriend: “Errr… ‘Can we have a house with a moat?'”
(I am at a large amusement park’s annual Halloween festival, where there are plenty of haunted houses to go through. I am waiting in line and see a teenage girl, sitting with her back facing a part of the line and talking in hushed, smiling tones to what I assume is her boyfriend. At many of these haunted houses, there are some “screamsters” who wander up and down the rows of guests and mess with them. One of these screamsters cuts through the line, sits down directly behind the girl and stares at her silently. Her boyfriend notices but does a great job keeping a straight face. After a few minutes, the girl senses something is off and turns around to find herself face to face with a bloodied-up man with a beard carrying a broom. She screams and scrambles to her feet, looking utterly terrified.)
Girl: *to boyfriend* “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Boyfriend: *laughing* “Why WOULD I tell you?”
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(My boyfriend is from Oklahoma. I’m originally from Connecticut, but moved to OK with him. If you aren’t familiar with either area, they are quite different. OK is fairly flat and mostly plains, while CT is very hilly and densely wooded, even in populated areas. When we visit my parents, the boyfriend has some problems adjusting…)
Boyfriend: “Hey, can I use your cell phone? Mine can’t connect and I need to make a call.”
Me: “You waited for me to get home? Why didn’t you just use the landline?”
Boyfriend: “Er… I forgot.”
Me: “I told you to use it if you needed!”
Boyfriend: “Well, people aren’t supposed to have landlines anymore!”
Me: “We have to! Cell reception here is terrible!”
Boyfriend: “WELL, THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR LIVING IN F***ING MIDDLE-EARTH!”
(Also worth noting, almost no one in my family is over 5’4″, while the boyfriend is over 6′. When we visit now, he refers to it as ‘meeting the Hobbits in Rivendell.’)
(My boyfriend sometimes talks in his sleep. Usually it’s gibberish or a word or two. Usually. It is about an hour after we go to bed, and he rolls over and faces me…)
Boyfriend: *tries to take my pillow*
Me: *takes it back* “[Boyfriend], stop. You’re taking mine!”
Boyfriend: *tries it again*
Me: “Babe, stop.”
Boyfriend: “Okay.” *takes pillow from me anyway*
Me: *takes it back* “Why are you taking my pillow?”
Boyfriend: “Because there’s butter everywhere!”
Me: “…what?”
Boyfriend: *louder* “There’s butter everywhere!”
Me: “Are you dreaming?”
(Pause.)
Boyfriend: “Yes.”
(He immediately fell back on the bed and started snoring. I asked him the next morning if he remembered what happened and he had no idea. It still makes me laugh thinking about it.)
Boyfriend: *whispering* “I love you.”
Me: “I love you, too.”
Boyfriend: “Know why I whispered it?”
Me: *expecting something romantic* “Why?”
Boyfriend: “Because I’m lazy.”
