(I’ve had a large stuffed shark from a popular furniture store for a few years and it works great as a body pillow. My boyfriend and I sleep separately due to his snoring and me being a light sleeper. He often pulls the shark down from on top of the couch to wrap around while he sleeps. I’m trying to get him to go to bed one morning and I put the shark back on top of the couch, when he reaches over and says:)

Boyfriend: “Farewell, crotch shark.”

(I doubled over in laughter and he went to bed.)

(I work at the cafe at the university my boyfriend and I attend. One evening, we schedule to meet up and he arrives at the cafe about 30 minutes before my shift ends. He decides to get a coffee while he waits. I am working the register and there are about ten people in the queue before his turn comes up, so I am on complete autopilot.)

Me: “Welcome to [Shop]. What would you like to order?”

Boyfriend: “One coffee, please.”

Me: “What size?”

Boyfriend: “Medium.”

Me: “Would you like a sandwich or pastry on sale with your coffee?”

Boyfriend: “No, thank you.”

Me: “Would you like to have it here or to take away?”

Boyfriend: *amused* “Take away.”

Me: “All right, that will be a total of [total]. Will you be paying cash or credit?”

Boyfriend: “Cash.”

Me: “May I have a name with that?”

(I stared at him for a second and it wasn’t until my coworker burst into laughter that I realized I’d just asked my boyfriend of over a year for his name.)

(I’m introducing my new boyfriend to my five-year-old son from my previous marriage. My boyfriend kneels down to speak to my son at eye level.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, slugger! How ya doing?”

Son: “Sometimes poop comes out of my butt!”

(I turn red and facepalm, but my boyfriend doesn’t miss a beat.)

Boyfriend: *patting my son on the shoulder* “Don’t you worry about that. There are worse places for it to come out of.”

(One morning, my boyfriend is making cheeky comments towards me whilst we are getting ready to leave for work and school. As my four-year-old son is also in the room, I do not want to say anything too grown-up back.)

Me: “I’m going to get you tonight!”

Son: “Yeah! I’m going to take you to bed tonight!”

(He really thought he’d told my boyfriend off and had the “serious-adult face” on and the “serious-adult-pointing finger” whilst he said it. We still use it to this day.)

(My girlfriend and I have a nine-year age difference. At the time of this story, I am 33 and she is 24. As such, she mainly grew up in the naughties while I grew up in the nineties. She has decided that any movie made before around 1998 is “too old” to be any good. I have made it my mission to get her caught up on a variety of twentieth-century movies to prove her wrong. We are watching “The Iron Giant.” Near the end, the titular robot sacrifices himself to save the town from a high-yield missile.)

Girlfriend: “Aww, he died?”

Me: “Well, it looks like he did.”

Girlfriend: “That’s so sad.”

(In the end, we see the Iron Giant reassembling itself and opening its eyes.)

Girlfriend: “Oh, he’s alive! He didn’t die! Why did you tell me he died?”

Me: “I didn’t. I said it looked like he died.”

(Another time, we watch “ET: The Extraterrestrial.” We get to the part where ET dies and is in the refrigerator unit and body bag.)

Girlfriend: “Oh, my God! He’s dead!”

Me: “Yes, he is currently dead.”

Girlfriend: “That’s terrible! Why would you make me watch such a sad movie?”

(ET comes back to life as his people near Earth.)

Girlfriend: “He’s not dead! You told me he was dead!”

Me: “He was dead. Now he’s alive again. It was the 80s. Family blockbusters were never that sad.”

(This happens while watching the first “Back to the Future” movie after Dr. Brown gets shot by the Libyan terrorists.)

Girlfriend: “Oh, no, he’s dead?”

Me: *unable to take it anymore* “[Girlfriend], this is the beginning of the first part of a three-part movie involving time travel and he’s one of the two principal characters. Do you really think he’s going to stay dead?”

Girlfriend: “Oh…”