Time To Cor-go And Sleep On The Couch

, , , , , | Romantic | February 6, 2021

I’m eight months pregnant and have noticed throughout my pregnancy that my two dogs and my boyfriend have gotten progressively needier.

I was already in bed sleeping with the dogs when my boyfriend tried to sneak in without waking me up. Unfortunately for him, he had to move one of the dogs to make room to snuggle with me. And when he moved that dog, the other would just swoop in and take their place. This just kept going in a cycle and ended up waking me.

I got the luxury of seeing my boyfriend be outsmarted by two corgis until he just gave up, angrily whispering, “What the actual f***?”

1 Thumbs

A Very Testing Grocery Run

, , , , , | Right | February 2, 2021

I am working as a cashier in a city centre supermarket with two entrance and exits and two sets of tills at either end of the shop.

I’m the only one manning the quiet end during a particularly quiet shift when a blonde woman in her twenties rushes up to me, places a pregnancy test on the till, pays, stuffs the box into her handbag, and rushes off back into the shop.

I don’t give it too much thought until a short while later when she returns, this time arm in arm with a similarly-aged man with a full shopping trolley. She gives me a brief warning look as her boyfriend starts loading the shopping onto the belt. Guessing that the boyfriend doesn’t know about the pregnancy test, I don’t say anything and carry on as normal, scan their shopping, and watch them walk out the door.

I don’t recall seeing either of them again, but I hope that the woman got the result she wanted, positive or negative.

1 Thumbs

Boyfriend.exe Has Stopped Working

, , , | Romantic | January 29, 2021

My boyfriend and I are about to go into the living room to watch a movie. He’s standing at the door waiting. I’m changing from flip flops into socks and slippers when he interrupts me.

Boyfriend: “Fix it!”

I freeze and look at him.

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “Fix it! Please!”

He’s gesturing in my general direction, which isn’t helpful. My floor is a mess, and my nightstand is worse. He could be pointing to anything.

Me: “Fix what?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t remember the word! Just fix it!”

I look around. I can usually come up with some guess as to what he’s talking about when he isn’t making sense, although sometimes I don’t realize I’ve guessed it because it’s so weird. But in this case, I’m at a complete loss. Nothing seems more out of place than usual, and there’s nothing I can think of that would get him upset.

Boyfriend: “Gaah! FIX IT!”

Looking down at my feet, one of which still has a flip flop on because he distracted me from putting on my slippers, I finally take a wild guess.

Me: “My shoes?”

Boyfriend: “YES!”

Still confused, I check the back of my sock. It hasn’t slipped down, but maybe there’s something wrong with it that’s bothering him?

Boyfriend: “They’re DIFFERENT!”

Me: “I was… changing shoes?”

Boyfriend: “Fix it!”

At last, I figure it out. He’s upset because I have on one slipper and one flip flop, a situation that he has been prolonging by shouting.

Me: “I was in the middle of changing! You stopped me!”

Boyfriend: “You PAUSED!”

Apparently, I had paused for about half a second, and he thought for some reason that I was going to keep it that way. He immediately panicked and drew out what would have been at most another half-second before I changed my other shoe into two or three minutes of me trying to figure out what on earth he was talking about. His excuse, after the fact? “Abject horror does not lead to logic.”

1 Thumbs

I Prefer Dean, Personally

, , , , , | Romantic | January 27, 2021

I live with my boyfriend. I also talk in my sleep. One night, I dream that I am making love to my TV crush, and I must be extra talky that night. When I wake up, I realize I am still purring and reaching out for him. My boyfriend is sitting up in bed, sulking.

Boyfriend: “Who’s Sam?”

Me: *Pauses* “Sam Winchester.”

He got annoyed with me and tried to make me jealous by talking about Amy Lee from Evanescence. I just laughed at his jealousy, and he got more annoyed with me, and now the subject of Sam Winchester is forever banned.

1 Thumbs

Didn’t You Learn To Use Your Words In Kindergarten?

, , , , , , | Romantic | January 20, 2021

My boyfriend and I are at a friend’s house when we witness this interaction. My friend’s boyfriend grabs her bra strap and pulls it. In response, she turns around and squeezes his balls. Then, my friend’s boyfriend honks her boob, so she pulls his leg hair.

My boyfriend and I are initially speechless!

Boyfriend: “If I ever do anything you don’t like, just tell me and I’ll stop.”

1 Thumbs