So, Was The Boyfriend Flirting With The Bird, Then?

, , , , | Romantic | February 29, 2020

I inherit an African Grey from my grandfather when he dies. Like all parrots, he is very smart and had picked up lots of words and phrases over time, but my grandpa always made sure they were polite words only and would tell anyone off for swearing around him or making rude sounds. Fast forward a couple of years. I take a weekend trip and ask my boyfriend to take care of him while I am away. When I get back, my boyfriend picks me up and brings me back home.

Me:
“[Parrot]! Where’s my boy? Hello, sweet bird!”

The parrot makes a long, drawn-out wolf whistle.

Parrot:
“Hello, sweet bird!”

He has never wolf-whistled before. I slowly turn to my boyfriend.

Me:
“Why did my parrot just hit on me?”

Boyfriend:
*Looking very sheepish* “Because he has more game than I ever will?”

It’s been a week. My bird now loves to wolf whistle.

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The Customer Salespeople Dream Of

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 21, 2020

(My boyfriend and I are downstairs at my family’s house when my brother calls down to say that a friend of his will be coming over and ask if we could let him in. About five minutes later, there’s a knock at the door and my boyfriend goes to answer it, though he’s still mostly focused on his phone.)

Visitor: “Um, hello, I’m–”

Boyfriend: “Hey, yeah, come on in. Just through here.”

Visitor: “Oh…” *hesitates* “All right, I guess.”

(He follows my boyfriend through to the kitchen and, just as he’s about to call up to my brother, my boyfriend turns to actually look properly at the guy he’s invited in.)

Visitor: “Hi, so, I’m here to talk to you about the great work that [Cancer Charity] is doing.”

(My boyfriend freezes, suddenly noticing that this guy is in uniform with a clipboard and realising his mistake. He’s pretty socially awkward normally, so he’s really not sure what to do.)

Visitor: *continues spiel*

Boyfriend: “Um… I thought–”

Visitor: *continues spiel*

Boyfriend: “Uh, I guess I can afford that…”

(And that’s how my boyfriend not only accidentally signed up to a monthly charity donation out of sheer embarrassment but also was too socially awkward to call and cancel the donation despite being a poor student who really couldn’t afford it.)

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I Love You One Day A Year Because Corporate Says So

, , , , , , | Romantic | February 14, 2020

(My fiance and I go to the same college. We both live on campus, in the same building on separate floors. At the time of this story, we’ve been dating for three years, with our anniversary on February 9th. It’s right around Valentine’s Day, and one of his roommate’s girlfriends is in their room, waiting on her boyfriend before they go out. They’ve been dating for three months at this point.)

Roommate’s Girlfriend: “Do you have any plans to take [My Name] out for Valentine’s Day?”

Fiance: “Our anniversary is the ninth, so we usually just go out around then to celebrate, but [My Name] doesn’t really believe in Valentine’s Day.”

(This is true; I have no qualms with those who want to celebrate, but I’d rather not have a corporate holiday telling me when to celebrate the people I love. I’d rather do it on a random day than do it when society expects, but again, I don’t hold it against anyone who wants to celebrate and I’m happy for them if they do! He explains the above to her, but she’s proven in the three months they’ve been dating to not be the brightest bulb in the room. She takes the explanation in, sits for a moment, and then says:)

Roommate’s Girlfriend: “Oh, so you don’t love her?”

(He was not very happy. Neither was I, at first. After the anger waned, I felt a bit sad for her and people who believed the same. Valentine’s Day does not equal Love, and I hope we can teach our young folk that there’s more to love than being taken out on a holiday!)

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Don’t Be A Chicken About Marriage

, , , , , , , | Romantic | February 12, 2020

(My boyfriend and I have discussed eventually wanting to get married in the future but never put any plans into motion. So, I order a simple ring with a fried egg on it. Around Christmas, I give it to him.)

Me: “Hey, sweetie, open this.”

Boyfriend: *opening the box* “What is this?”

Me: “It is your egg-agement ring.”

(I got hit with a pillow, but we’ve been happily married for a year now.)

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The Best Kind Of Kisses

, , , , , | Romantic | February 10, 2020

(I’m 20 years old and a shrimp of a guy — about five-foot-six and 120 pounds soaking wet. I’ve gone on two dates with my girlfriend, but we haven’t yet kissed. She lives with her parents and wants me to meet them, so I come over for dinner.)

Girlfriend: “Hi! Come on in and I’ll introduce you.”

(I step inside the house and enter the living room. My attention is drawn to the enormous dog sitting on the rug, wagging his tail. This dog has to outweigh me by 50 pounds, minimum. My girlfriend’s dad is scratching the dog’s head.)

Girlfriend: “Oh, that’s Bucky. Bucky, say hi!”

Bucky: “Woof!”

Me: “Hi there, pup!”

(Seeing a new, friendly-looking human, Bucky bounds over to me and jumps up, trying to lick my face. I get knocked down, and the next instant, I’m lying on my back with Bucky happily slobbering all over my face. I think I might drown in drool.)

Girlfriend: “So much for me being the first member of the family to kiss you.”

(I married my girlfriend a year later. Bucky and I were besties until Bucky died of old age about ten years after I met him.)

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