Crossing The Line From Hangry To Unacceptable

, , , , , | Romantic | April 1, 2021

My boyfriend is about seven inches taller than me and much broader. We are on a six-hour car journey and we stop at a service station to get some petrol and some food. The queue for a popular burger chain is massively busy, so I recommend just buying some sandwiches which he insists against. We’re queueing for a while, and the whole time he complains incessantly. Then, he berates the young-looking cashier who’s already very apologetic when we get there. We order, she advises how long it’ll take, and then we stand to the side. My boyfriend is still complaining.

Me: “It’s busy, [Boyfriend]. Things are going to take time. It’s not their fault and certainly not that girl’s fault.”

Boyfriend: “It is their fault; they should have more workers!”

You can see that they have every station covered and the kitchen staff are running around trying to fill orders.

Me: “They have as many as they can. They’re working as hard as they can. That poor kid looked like she was about to cry.”

Boyfriend: “Good!”

Me: “Really?!”

Boyfriend: “Can’t handle it, don’t get a job like this. What is taking so long with the order?!”

Me: “It’s been a minute and a half!”

Boyfriend: “No, it’s been like… ten!”

Me: “No, that clock said 12:43 when we got to the cashier. It’s just turned 12:45.”

Boyfriend: More than a minute!”

Me: “A minute and a half is more than a minute, but okay. It’s now been two! But certainly not ten. She said it’ll take about five to ten minutes, so we wait for ten.”

He grumbles. About three minutes go by.

Boyfriend: “I’m gonna complain!”

Me: “We need to wait for another five before investigating.”

He actually stamps his foot.

Boyfriend: “NO!”

Me: *Taken aback* “[Boyfriend], company policy—”

He gets in my face and pokes my chest.

Boyfriend: “No! It’s been too long! I’m saying it’s been too long! You don’t get to decide that it’s not been! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! Understand?”

I nod.

Boyfriend: “Answer me! DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?”

Me: *Quietly* “Yes.”

Boyfriend: *Sharply* “Good.”

He notices people are looking at us and his voice and body language immediately soften.  

Boyfriend: “I… Sorry. Company policy?”

Me: *Still quietly* “I used to work for [Burger Chain] in [Hometown]. The policy is ten minutes if there are more than ten people that have ordered before they’ll investigate.”

Boyfriend: “Oh. Then… You take this. And I’ll. Walk. Yes.”

He handed me the receipt and headed off. Our food arrived in the next couple of minutes and it turned out he’d gone to get flowers plus some stuff he knew I liked to apologise to me. He said his behavior was due to hunger but that doesn’t make it okay. Being an idiot, I didn’t run for the hills but decided to take his word for it and accept his apology, eventually moving in with him. Please don’t ignore red flags; in the best-case scenario, you end up living with a parent at the age of thirty with an unhealthy, deep-rooted self-hatred.

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Bad Translations Will Undo Close-Knit Families

, , , , | Romantic | March 19, 2021

A knitting pattern and some wool I ordered arrive.

Me: *To my boyfriend* “Crap. The pattern is exclusively in French. Do we know anyone who knits and speaks French?”

Boyfriend: “Why? You speak French; just translate it yourself.”

Me: “This pattern is full of specific knitting terms and abbreviations. I have literally no clue what this part says.”

Boyfriend: “Then use a translation app. That will work.”

I put the text through a translation app and read it over.

Me: “I don’t think this is going to work. I’ll just find another pattern I can use this wool for.”

Boyfriend: “It can’t be that bad. I am sure you can figure it out with the translation.”

Me: “The translated pattern literally tells me to ‘End with your in-laws’ five times. I have no clue what they want me to do, but I am pretty sure the pattern doesn’t want me visiting your parents.”

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The Only Thing Blowing Up Is Your Relationship

, , , , , | Romantic | March 10, 2021

I’m on a trip to London with my girlfriend. We’re on the tube. I’m reading; she’s on her phone. Someone sits down opposite us, who happens to be a Muslim man. I’d like to tell you this is irrelevant, but…

My girlfriend leans over to me and asks if we can get off at the next stop because she’s realised there’s a shop she wants to check out. I agree, and we get off at the next stop. I make my way to the station’s exit, but she stops me.

Girlfriend: “We can get back on the next train.”

Me: “What? But I thought—”

Girlfriend: “I just needed an excuse to get off that particular train.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Girlfriend: *As if it’s obvious* “Well, I was scared we were going to get blown up!”

Me: *Thoroughly confused* “What are you talking about?”

Girlfriend: “The man opposite us. You never know.”

I stare at her.

Me: “That’s— That’s pretty racist!”

Girlfriend: “I’m just being realistic!”

I didn’t know what else to say at that point, so I left it. Our remaining days in London were nice, but this and some other difficulties we’d been having caused me to break up with her soon after we got home.

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Things Are About To Get Heated

, , , , , | Romantic | March 4, 2021

My boyfriend has recently gotten a new stove in his home, finally replacing the previous model from the 1980s. He has read the instruction booklet and is absolutely thrilled to discover that it has an air fryer function. He’s excitedly showing me the new stove and talking about it.

Me: *Teasing* “Maybe one day you’ll look at me the way you look at the new stove.”

Boyfriend: “Well, maybe one day you’ll come with an air fryer function.”

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Take Care Of Your Partner. Period.

, , , , | Romantic | February 18, 2021

My period has never been regular or predictable, so I try to have supplies on hand at all times. My boyfriend helpfully purchases a small cabinet for his room and delegates a shelf just for my pads, tampons, and a private stash of pain meds.

Unfortunately, my period hits HARD unexpectedly on a night when I’m out of tampons. Despite it being 3:00 am, my boyfriend runs out to a twenty-four-hour convenience store to get more for me while I toss back a handful of ibuprofen and pray the cramps let up. When he comes back:

Boyfriend: “I couldn’t remember if you needed the ones with the green wrapper or the purple wrapper, so I got both. And I wasn’t sure if you’d be craving sweet or salty, so I got a bag of Lays and a pack of Oreos, and a two-liter of Coke for the cramps. Wait, why are you crying?!”

Me: *Sobbing* “Because I love you so much!”

We’re getting married in May!

This story is part of our Best Of February 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of February 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of February 2021 roundup!

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