(My brother, my friend, and I are bowling. The alley has amusing animations when the players get gutter balls, strikes, and splits. After my last gutter ball of the night, the animation shows the bowling ball strolling into an old Western bar. The doors slam shut on him, knocking him to the ground. The pins gather around as if they are saying ‘Yeah, don’t come back here again’.)

Brother: “Yeah, he went into the wrong neighborhood.”

Me: “Yeah, he was getting a little ballsy there.”

Brother: “Yeah, they really got him pinned!”

Me: *facepalm*

(Some friends are in from out of town, so I call a local bowling alley to make a reservation for the following night.)

Me: “Hey, I need to reserve a lane for tomorrow night for five people. Any time after 7pm is good.”

Employee #1: “There’s no need to reserve a lane. We’re wide open tomorrow night.”

Me: “You’re sure? I’ve got people in from out of town. Can I go ahead and make a reservation just in case?”

Employee #1: “There’s really no need. You’ll be able to walk right in and get a lane.”

Me: “Okay, we’ll be in tomorrow then…”

(The next night we meet up with our friends and walk into the bowling alley only to see that it is packed. We walk up to the counter to see about getting a lane.)

Me: “We need a lane for five, please.”

Employee #2: “This is Blind League night. We won’t have any lanes until 11.”

Me: “I was told last night that I didn’t need a reservation tonight; you’d be wide open.”

Employee #2: “Well, we have League night every week on the same night, and we won’t have any lanes open until at least 11. That’s the best I can do for you.”

Me: “Who was working the counter last night, then? I’d like to know who lied to me and why they wouldn’t bother to tell me that the lanes would be full.”

Employee #2: “Well, the only one back here last night was [Employee #1].”

(He gestures down at the end of the counter to an employee who is putting away shoes. When I confront him, he says…)

Employee #1: “Aw, h*** no, you ain’t putting this s*** on me.”

Me: “Oh, so you didn’t work last night?”

Employee #1: “No, I worked last night, but it’s not my fault you didn’t know it was League night. Everyone knows it’s League night.”

Me: “So, since I didn’t know, you outright lied when I asked, instead of just telling me to come in another night? What did you think was going to happen when I showed up?”

Employee #1: *shrugs shoulders and goes into the back*

Employee #2: *looks at us blankly* “You want to reserve a lane for 11?”

(We left, and haven’t been back!)

(It’s been an uneventful day at work… that is, until a young lady comes in asking if she can make a request.)

Customer: “It’s coming up to my father’s birthday, and he never knows what to do.”

Me: “Okay, so what can I help you with?”

Customer: “So, I’m going around various attractions and places we could have a day out. I’m having my photo taken at each one to turn into a big poster so he has an idea of where we can go.”

(I nod while she’s explaining this, as it sounds very reasonable.)

Customer: “So, would you be able to take a photo of me pretending to bowl?”

Me: “Yeah, sure! We’re not too busy, so I can do that for you.”

Customer: “Great. Now, one more thing…”

Me: “Sure, fire away.”

Customer: “Can I do it dressed in a tiger costume?”

Me: *laughing* “Sure, go ahead!”

(She wasn’t pulling my leg: I took the picture of her dressed as a tiger, leaving me smiling for the rest of the night.)

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(While at a bowling alley, my boyfriend is sitting in a chair while I am stand up with my arm around him. He leans his head against my chest.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, I can hear your heartbeat.”

Me: “Well, I’m glad I have one!”

Boyfriend: “Me too. Because if you didn’t, you’d be a zombie. And I’m letting you know right now, no matter how much I like you, if you become a zombie, I’m going to have to kill you.”

(My girlfriend and I are unemployed college kids. We are on a triple date at a bowling alley. One of our friends is giving the other some bowling tips.)

Friend: *to the other friend* “Your bowling tips aren’t working!”

Me: *to my girlfriend* “You know what else isn’t working?”

Girlfriend: “What?”

Me: “Us.”

Girlfriend: *hurt* “What?”

Me: “Oh crud! I meant we’re both unemployed; jobless. We aren’t working!”

Girlfriend: *relieved but stern* “Oh.”

Me: “Sorry, poor choice of words.”

Girlfriend: “Yeah. Would you like to rephrase that?”

Me: “No, I’ll just take a beer and forget I said anything.”

Girlfriend: “Yeah, good idea.”