Stolen Broken Bowling Balls

, , | Right | October 2, 2019

(This story belongs to my brother, who is also my manager at the bowling alley where I work. This lady comes in demanding his help.)

Lady: “I need help! My car was stolen!”

Brother: “Your car was stolen?”

Lady: “Yes, come here!”

(They go outside and the lady points to her car.)

Brother: “Um, I thought you said it was stolen.”

Lady: “No, it’s broken! I need your help to fix it.”

Brother: “Well, ma’am, I’m not mechanically proficient. You’re going to need to call someone.”

Lady: “No, I need you to fix it.”

Brother: “Okay, what’s wrong with it?”

Lady: “There’s a bowling ball that is preventing it from starting.”

Brother: “Well… um… Okay, where’s the bowling ball?”

Lady: “In the trunk.”

Brother: “Well, why don’t you open the trunk and get it out?”

Lady: “I don’t know how.”

(My brother then opens the trunk and gets the bowling ball and she gets her “broken car” running.)

Brother: “Will that be all?”

Lady: “No, I want to go bowling.”

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Because Men And Women Can’t Just Be Friends

, , , , | Romantic | July 1, 2019

(A large group of us goes bowling one night after church. There are some new people in our group, including one particular guy who has decided to follow me around all night, attempting to enter every conversation I’m in. I’ve been able to avoid being alone with him so far, but when one friend gets up to take her turn, he slides into her seat.)

New Guy: “So, you’re [My Name], right?”

Me: “That’s me.”

New Guy: “I’ve been wanting to talk to you, but you’re pretty popular around here.”

Me: “And your name is…?”

New Guy: “Oh, sorry. I’m [New Guy]. It’s my first time. Do you guys always do big group stuff like this?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. It’s more fun that way.”

New Guy: *scoots closer* “So, are you single? Because I’d love to get to know you better…”

Me: “Um…”

(In one of those rare and perfectly-timed moments, one of my guy friends hops over the bench we’re sitting on and plants himself between me and the new guy.)

Guy Friend: “[My Name], what’s up? I feel like I haven’t talked to you all night. How’s life? How’s your bowling score?”

Me: “You know very well that you’re going to kick my butt, as always!”

Guy Friend: “Let it be known that you said it, I didn’t.” *turns to the new guy* “How’s it going, bro? Don’t think we’ve met. I’m [Guy Friend].”

New Guy: “Oh, fine. I get it.” *gets up and walks away*

Me: “Has anyone ever told you that you have insanely good timing?”

Guy Friend: *laughs* “You had that deer-in-the-headlights look.”

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Unfiltered Story #155131

, , | Unfiltered | June 21, 2019

(I work the front counter of a bowling alley, the customer in question has been asking me to go against policy the entire time she has been here, and has been met with repeated no’s)

Customer: (Returns Shoes to Counter) Thank you!

Me: “Have a good afternoon, and before you leave could you please make sure you put your balls back on the rack?”

Customer: “You mean all of them?”

Me: (I am actually stunned for a second) “Yes, of course.”

Customer walks away whining about how she is never coming back because she has to do my job and put her balls away.

Friends that are with her appropriately respond by asking her if she is being serious, and ends up putting her balls away.  The girl is still complaining 5 minutes later when they walk out the front door.

Foiled By Oil

, , , , , | Right | April 7, 2019

I work in a bowling alley. During our Saturday night rent-a-lane that started at 11:30 pm — when people tend to drink more — we had a guy apparently trying to impress his girlfriend. He took a running start from the bowling area… onto the approach and onto his lane.

As you know, bowling lanes are oiled. The customer did know this as he slid/skated down the lane on the oil.

What he didn’t know or realize is that the oil only goes about two-thirds of the way down. As soon as he reached the end of the oil, his shoes stuck to the dry part of the lane… and down he went… face first. He was okay, but a little shaken up as he walked back.

There were only about ten lanes going in the small center, but I wanted to warn everybody that this is why you do not go out onto the lanes. I got onto the microphone and said, “Just a reminder… Please do not walk out onto the lanes, as there is oil out there and we don’t want anyone to trip and fall like the guy just did on lane five.”

I got a few small laughs from it, but I think he’d already learned his lesson.

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The Police Are A Must With The Pelvic Thrust

, , , , , | Legal | February 25, 2019

This is a story relayed to me by an employee at a small bowling alley that I frequent. It should be noted that the alley typically operates with a skeleton crew due to lack of people interested in working there full-time, so this employee acts as cashier, repairman, and manager.

It starts with a car accident across the street. Fortunately, the car winds up colliding with a large tree that remains undamaged, and nobody is badly hurt as a result of the crash, but the front of the car is completely caved in. Instead of calling insurance or maybe even a tow truck, the occupants ditch the car and head over to the bowling alley.

The group situates itself at a table and one of its members, who reeks of alcohol, approaches the counter. Much to the surprise of the employee, instead of asking for rental shoes or a lane to bowl on, the man demands alcohol. He does look over 21 but can’t present any ID, and he seems like he arrived over-served, anyway, so his request is declined.

He’s not happy but moves on to demanding to bowl against the employee, with the winner getting $1000 from the loser. Because the employee is working at the moment and he doesn’t know the guy, anyway, he politely declines, but his refusals are only met with the man continuing to up the reward money by another $1000. Eventually, he is told that if he does not want to buy or rent anything, then he needs to leave. The man complies at first, but is distracted on the way out by a random stranger minding his own business. The man suddenly whips around and threatens to fight the now-confused stranger, and while no brawl comes of it, the employee is alarmed by the violence and immediately calls the police. He then firmly reminds the man that he needs to leave, but that only convinces the man to storm over to the counter and start threatening him instead. Not wanting to escalate anything or get hurt, he steps back, bites his tongue, and hopes the man will be distracted long enough to not bother anybody else before the police arrive.

The man, however, is quickly bored of threatening the employee and moves onto the arcade games. Rather than play on any of the machines, he invents his own game of intensely and suggestively pelvic thrusting in front of the basketball hoop game.

Suddenly, the man’s friend yanks the man away from the machine and the group hastily disappears into the night. It happens so fast that it’s as though a switch flipped in the friend’s head.

The police arrive and start gathering evidence. Turns out the car isn’t the only thing that group chose to ditch. The friend, in his haste to leave, had abandoned just about every single document relating to his most recent car rental on the table, and the rental car’s description matches almost perfectly with the car that he’d just crashed. What doesn’t match, however, is the registration. The car has a Florida license plate; the form clearly indicates that the car is registered in Virginia. The rental company was contacted, and from there the police found out that there were also serious discrepancies with the personal information he gave the company versus the personal information on the document. This is a telltale sign of fraud and forging/doctoring contracts, most probably done because the man’s friend did not have a valid license and hence needed to fake one with matching fake information to rent a car.

While the man was clearly wasted, the police had no evidence or suspicion that the man’s friend had been drinking that night. Since the whole group had since vanished, the police then advised the employee to keep a small gun on him at work for defense should another incident occur, and to simply contact the police without engaging with the suspect at all if anybody from that group enters the alley again.

Hopefully, the group is smart enough to stay away, though, or at least has learned to keep a close eye on the guy that gets really crazy and stupid when he’s drunk.

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