PAIN! The New Fragrance

, , , , , , | Right | April 12, 2019

(I work at a small clothing boutique that also sells small gift items. One of our best sellers is key chain pepper spray canisters that are bedazzled. I get many stupid questions about them such as, “Does this actually work?” “Have you tried it before?” “Well, WHY haven’t you tried it?!”.)

Customer: “These little canisters are so cute! I wish they had perfume in it, though.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, that would be cool. It’s always smart to carry pepper spray, though!”

Customer: “Yeah, but I wish it was perfume. Do you have any with perfume, instead?”

Me: “Um… no. Unfortunately not.”

Customer: “Well, can I buy an empty canister from you so I can fill it myself?”

Me: “Oh, we don’t make it here. We are sent all of our items already packaged. I don’t have any empty ones.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine. I’ll just empty it at home and refill it with perfume. My daughter loves spraying my perfume, so I can give her this so she has her own! She just loves sparkles!”  

Me: “I strongly advise you not to do that. You shouldn’t mess around with pepper spray canisters. You also don’t want to take the chance of not getting it all out resulting in your daughter hurting herself.”

Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! You need to learn about your products more! I’m buying this for my daughter right now so she can have a matching perfume with me!”

The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 10

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2019

(I work at a store in a mall, so every once in a while a customer will come in with a gift card that works at any store within the mall. We have to run these as credit cards.)

Customer: *after paying with one of the aforementioned gift cards* “Can you tell me the remaining balance on my card?”

(I have never been asked this about one of the mall-wide gift cards before.)

Me: “Um, it should say on your receipt. Let’s see.”

(No such luck. After printing the receipt, I find that because it ran as a credit card, it doesn’t list the remaining balance the way it would for a gift card to our store. I inform the customer of this.)

Customer: “Really? There’s no way to check my remaining balance? Because there was $300 on this gift card; I don’t want to go to the next store and find out there’s zero balance left.”

Me: *thinking: “WTF, lady, how would that even happen?”* “Well, it shows here on the receipt that you were only charged [amount well below $100], so there’s no reason you wouldn’t have the rest of the balance left.”

Customer: “But are you sure there’s no way to check? I just want to make sure I still have the rest of my money on there.”

(I see a manager nearby, so I call her over and explain the situation, just in case she knows a trick for checking the balance that I just don’t know about.)

Manager: “Unfortunately, as far as I know, there’s no way of checking the balance if it doesn’t print on the receipt.” *to customer* “But if you go to the mall customer service down on the lower level, they may be able to check for you.”

Customer: *taking her items, preparing to leave* “Okay, but if I go down there and there’s no money left on this card, I’m going to come back up here and you’re going to have problems.”

Me: *a bit flabbergasted at this point, but trying to keep my retail smile intact* “Okay, ma’am, have a nice day.”

(She never came back, so I’m guessing she still had the rest of her money, but seriously, lady, when has a cash register ever charged anything other than the cost of your items?)

Related:
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 9
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 8
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 7

Can’t Really Fit All That Into The Fitting Room

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2019

(I work in a women’s boutique. I’m standing inside the shop by myself since the manager is on break. I have a customer in the fitting room. I see a woman and her daughter pointing and looking through the display window. They eventually come in.)

Woman: “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I do. Was there something you’d like to see from the display window?”

Woman: “Oh, no. I just had a question about restaurants.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “My daughter and I want to have brunch, but we only eat gluten-free and organic, and we’re not in the mood for Italian or Chinese. Could you tell me where we could go have brunch?”

(I’m thinking, “Are you serious?”)

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t think of any place, but I can give you this.”

(I give her a little booklet with most of the shows and restaurants close by.)

Woman: “But you work here; you should know.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not familiar with the property’s restaurants. There’s a concierge down the hallway; I’m sure he could tell you where to go.”

Woman: “You work here. Can’t you call around and find out for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t do that; I have to tend to customers in here.”

(Good thing the customer in the fitting room was ready to be rung up, so “ButYouWorkHere” finally left the shop.)

A Sign That You’re Just DONE With Customers

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2019

(I have discovered that our sandwich chalkboard sign out front has been smeared by a child. This is the third time this week, and I’m a little miffed, but I haul it inside and set up to repair it. I’m in clear view of both the front door and the register, and I greet everyone who comes in so they know to come to me with questions. At one point, I hear a throat clear behind me and I turn around to see a woman standing there and glaring.)

Woman: “Are you going to help me or what?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I didn’t realize you needed help. What can I help you with?”

Woman: “Of course you didn’t know, because you aren’t doing your job. This is something you should do when there are not customers.”

Me: “My apologies. It’s been a bit slow, and I need to get this fixed up so it can go back outside. I assumed most people would ask if they needed something.”

Woman: “You need to do this before the store opens because it’s distracting.”

Me: *finally losing patience* “Ma’am, my boss doesn’t pay me enough to live on during the hours I’m scheduled, as it is. He’s certainly not going to pay for me to come in thirty minutes early and make the sign, which I’ve never had issues doing during open hours before. Now, what did you need help with?”

Woman: “Never mind. I don’t remember my question, and I’ve got better things to do than being told off by some mouthy worker.”

Me: “Very good, then. Have a good day.”

(She stood there another minute or two, glaring, then left. Apparently, she called the next day and complained that I was “messing around” on the clock and ignoring customers.)

Their Comprehension Is XXS

, , , , | Right | January 8, 2019

(A customer enters wearing expensive yoga clothes that emphasize how lean she is. She walks to the clearly-marked plus-size section, so I go to greet her. She ignores my greeting and cuts me off before I can guide her to clothes that will fit her.)

Customer: “What does 4X mean?”

Me: “It’s one of our larger plus sizes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Is that smaller than a large?”

Me: *pause* “No, ma’am. That’s much bigger than a large.”

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