(This takes place at a 24-hour drugstore on Thanksgiving. We’re having a big toy sale and are very busy. I’m on the top rung of a ladder pulling items for customers below me when this takes place.)

Me: “I’m so sorry for your wait, you guys. If you give me just one more moment, I’ll get everything you’ve asked for!”

Customer #1: “Oh, honey, it’s okay. You guys are so busy!”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I don’t think we truly anticipated how busy we’d be. You wanted one ‘Cars’ fishing game and a Tinkerbell flowers fishing game, correct?”

Customer #1: “That’s right.”

Customer #2: “Well, with a sale like this!”

Me: “Can’t argue with that, sir! You wanted the flying fairy princess doll, is that right?”

Customer #2: *laughing* “Well, I don’t, but my niece will love it.”

Me: *to Customer #3* “…and ma’am, you wanted the Disney Princess tea set. Is that right?”

Customer #3: “That’s right! Wow, you’ve got a good memory!”

Me: “Thank you! ”

(At this point, my boss, who has barely exited his office all day, walks up.)

Boss: *to me* “Hey, someone is waiting to use the bathroom. Go let them in.”

Me: “Okay, it’ll be just a moment. Where’s [Coworker]?”

Boss: “On break.”

Me: “But they’ve only been here 45 minutes.”

Boss: “So?”

Me: “I’ve been here six hours, and you haven’t let me take a break yet. Also, more importantly, I’m busy right now.”

Boss: “Well, that person needs to use the restroom. Go do your job.”

Customer #3: “Sir, I mean no disrespect, but clearly she’s doing her job. Do you not see her on top of the ladder? Why don’t you just let them in yourself?”

Boss: “That’s not my job. It’s my employees’ jobs…” *snidely to me* “…even if they’re trying to be lazy.”

Customer #2: *to my boss* “What is your job?”

Boss: “To make sure the store runs smoothly.”

Customer #1: “You’re doing a poor job of it.”

Boss: *turns bright red and grits his teeth* “…and just who are you to judge?”

Customer #1: “A customer.”

Boss: *waves her off*

Customer #2: *very serious* “You are NOT too good to help your employees. Just because you are in a management position does not exempt you from helping. You should go let that customer into the restroom. And after this young lady is done helping us, you should make sure she takes her lunch.”

Boss: “I make the store run! You can’t tell me how to run my store!”

Customer #2: “No, you don’t ‘make the store run.’ Your employees do. And this young lady has been running her tail off since I’ve been here. You have no idea who I am, do you?”

Boss: “Someone who has no idea how the store works?”

Customer #2: *laughs* “No, I’m [Customer #2].”

Me: *startled* “From district?!”

Customer #2: “That’s right, and I think…” *to my boss* “…you and I need to have a LONG talk.”

(At this point, I finally get to the bottom of the ladder and start handing out the items.)

Me: “Here you go everyone. Thank you so much for your patience and have a Happy Thanksgiving!”

Boss: *to me* “Just go get coworker and take your lunch!”

([Customer #1] and [Customer #3] wished me the same, while [Customer #2] — who was in fact from corporate — dragged my boss into the office for that “talk.”)

(I have just started work with a new company to get some experience during my senior year of college. This happens during my first week.)

Boss: “Okay, I need you to take all these chemicals out of this barrel and put them in the cabinet here.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. So why are they all thrown into this barrel? Just using it to move them around?”

Boss: “No, actually, the EPA tried to confiscate all of them, but I stole them back!”

(I have just come back from a vacation to the Grand Canyon. I got turquoise jewelry from a roadside stand while there. My boss sees me pass.)

Boss: “I love your necklace!”

Me: “Thanks! I got it in Arizona from a Navajo stand.”

Boss: “It’s really unique.”

(I notice my boss is wearing a turquoise necklace herself.)

Me: “It looks something like yours.”

Boss: “Yes! Well, you know, ever since I’ve moved out west…” *lowers her voice* “…I’ve started dressing Bohemian.”

(Note: she wears hot pink, royal blue, teal, and leopard print on EVERYTHING.)

Me: “Oh, yeah?”

Boss: “You know, Bohemian… cowboy and sexy!”

Me: “I… never thought of it that way.”

Boss: “Because you know, it’s Western. It’s where that all started!”

Boss: “There are four months in a quarter, right?”

Me: “No, three. There’s four quarters in a year.”

Boss: “It depends on your definition of ‘quarter.'”

Me: “No, there’s four quarters in anything. One quarter is always one-fourth.”

Boss: “Well, it depends on your definition of ‘quarter!'”

(While working in the store’s meat department cutting links of sausage, I cut my finger very badly. Due to the nature of the cut, I did not feel it at first. By the time I noticed, it I had bled into the sausage. This exchange takes place after I return from bandaging my hand.)

Me: “Is there a special way to dispose of this sausage? Or should I just toss it in the bin?”

Boss: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “Well, I bled all over this meat. It’s sort of a bio-hazard.”

Boss: “No, just put it in the service case. No one will be able to tell. They have to cook it anyway!”