The Eventual Heat Death Of Their Brain

, , , , , , | Working | June 29, 2018

(I work in a hotel. I am Australian, living in London. It is currently a “heat wave,” around 30° C [86° F], and I am working a canapé reception. The manager gathers us before the guests arrive to give a small briefing.)

Manager: “And lastly, you’ve all noticed it’s quite hot today. Please keep the doors to the staff areas shut as much as possible; we have the air conditioners on, but this is all the cold air we have. We don’t want the guests getting too hot.”

(Several of my coworkers are nodding seriously in agreement. One of the only other Australians leans over to me:)

Coworker: “‘All the cold air we have’? So, who wants to tell him that’s not how air conditioning works?”

The (Water)Main Reason To Close

, , , , | Working | June 29, 2018

(The city is working on its water mains, which results in the water being completely shut off in the library I work in. There is no estimated time when this will be complete; it could be hours, or it could be days. That means the library has no running water whatsoever for an indefinite amount of time, which includes the water fountains and restrooms.)

Director: “We can still open; people don’t stay here that long, anyway.”

Manager: *shocked* “But what about our staff? Some of them are scheduled for eight-hour shifts!”

Director: “What about them? Most of them bring water bottles or coffee. Heck, I’ll go out and buy a crate of water bottles for everyone.”

Manager: “What about the bathrooms?

Director: “What about the bathrooms?”

Employee #1: “If we’re going to work for eight hours, we’re going to need to use the bathrooms sooner or later.”

Director: “You can still use them; you just can’t flush.”

(At this point, every staff member within hearing range turns around and looks at her in total disgust.)

Manager: “You want us to keep using the same toilet all day?

Director: *as if it’s the most obvious thing in the whole world* “Yes. I don’t mind. I’ll be using the same toilets that haven’t been flushed. It doesn’t bother me.”

Employee #2: “But what about the smell? Do you want the whole library to smell like a cesspool?”

Director: *mumbles* “I don’t see the problem.”

Employee #1: “Think about the maintenance staff who has to clean after all that, too.”

Director: “I still don’t see what the big deal is. Most of the patrons don’t even go near the bathrooms.”

(At that point, the union representative walks in.)

Employee #1: “Hey, [Union Rep], did you hear? The city shut down water to the whole building.”

Union Representative: “If it’s shut off for more than two hours, we have to close: OSHA’s rules.”

(No one clapped because the director was there. She shot the Union Rep one heck of a death glare. She was PISSED OFF the entire rest of the day and sulked around her staff. It didn’t help when the water remained shut off for more than two hours, and she had to send everyone home with pay.)

This Was Bound To Be Scheduled Eventually

, , , , , | Working | June 26, 2018

I have been with the same company for 14 months now. When I was first hired, I got a paper schedule, as we were still building the location and didn’t have the online system set for the new hires. They told all of us in orientation, and repeatedly afterwards, that schedules were made three weeks out. From the time our store opens in late May until present day, I have checked my schedule on Saturday or Sunday, because our work week starts Saturday…

…until today, when my boss calls me at ten, wanting to know where I am and if I’m seriously injured. I’m confused as to what he means, until he tells me his schedule shows me on at nine. Mine said 11:30. I leave for work immediately and am only an hour and a half late.

When I finally see him, at close to noon, he tells me that schedules aren’t finalized until Wednesday, only two and a half weeks before the new schedule. That’s not a big deal, except this is the first I’m hearing about it, and now I’ve lost an hour and a half of pay — which adds up quickly in just-above-minimum-wage retail — because my boss didn’t think to let me know in over a year that the schedule I’m getting isn’t necessarily right.

Not Mousing Around With This Boss

, , , , , | Working | June 26, 2018

(It is in the early 90s, before computer mouse pads are dime-a-dozen giveaways at conventions. My company’s office has two main departments: engineering — my department — and ship support. We’ve just installed Windows 3.0 on three of our department’s computers. We need mouse pads for them, so I write up a purchase order and buy three at an Apple store: a bright pink one for a female friend and coworker’s computer, and two blue ones for a male engineer and myself. They are $8 apiece. Soon after I buy them, my female friend’s duties are switched to the other department. She still uses the same computer and sits at the same desk, though. One morning, she comes in and her mouse pad that I bought is missing. I am a bit peeved, but I am not sure what to do but buy another. Before I do, I am walking around the office after hours that evening, and I see the missing mouse pad on her new boss’s desk. I walk in his cubicle, take it, and set it back on my friend’s desk. The next morning, my friend sees her mouse pad back, and thanks me for finding it. Word gets back to her new boss, and this exchange happens between us.)

Boss: *angrily* “[My Name], did you take something off of my desk last night?!”

Me: *innocently* “Like what?”

Boss: “A mouse pad!”

Me: “Hm… The only mouse pads we have in this department are that blue one on [Engineer]’s desk, this one on my desk, and the pink one on [Friend]’s desk.”

Boss: *inhales to begin a tirade* “…”

Me: “…all three of which were bought with–” *picking up a purchase order form* “–this purchase order, charged to engineering task number 3034, for use on these three engineering department computers, which were also bought with engineering contract funds.” *crosses arms and looks at my friend’s boss*

Boss: *breathes five or six heavy breaths at me, glaring, before walking away*

(I never hear another word about a missing mouse pad again.)

That Compliment Went Down The Pan

, , , , , | Working | June 23, 2018

(I am a student worker at a cafeteria at my college. It is my first time on the pizza cook shift, and my student manager is showing me the ropes.)

Student Manager: “[My Name]! What does this spray do?”

Me: “It makes the pizza not stick to the pan?”

Student Manager: “You’re not as dumb as you look!”

Me: “I’ll… try to take that as a compliment.”

Student Manager: “You should!”

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