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Bad Grammer Luvs Compani

, , , , , | Working | September 19, 2017

(It is only after I send in an application for a job that I found online that I notice that I’ve spelled the company’s name wrong a couple of times. I think to myself that I’ve ruined my chance of getting the job. A few days later, I get a call from the manager.)

Manager: “Hi, is that [My Name]? I’m calling regarding your application for [job]. Honestly, you sound ideal, and I’d like you to come in for an interview tomorrow.”

(I went in for the interview and ended up getting the job. I wondered to myself for the first week about whether she had even noticed the spelling mistake, until I saw that she’d written a note on the staff room notice board. Just about every second word was spelled wrong.)

Pot Calling The Kettle…

, , , | Working | September 19, 2017

(We’ve had a new water boiler added to the kitchen at work.)

Supervisor: “I don’t like the idea of those boilers. It’s just the thought of heating water that’s been sitting there all night.”

(…then turns the kettle on, filled with water that’s been sitting there all night.)

When The Training Is Waning

, , , , , , | Working | September 19, 2017

(I’m a university student looking for a part time job to help with my tuition fees. This year I’m rooming with someone who works at one of the delis around the city, and they tell me their place of work is in need of additional staff. I call them up, do a short phone interview, and initially the job sounds ideal. I will be able to work hours when I don’t have class, the pay is decent, and the commute is manageable. I ask about training, having never done food service before, and they assure me it’ll be provided. Fast-forward to my first day. I turn up, greet the manager on duty, get handed my hat, apron, and name-tag, and am asked to put on gloves. Upon doing so, my manager gives me a nod.)

Manager: “All right, you look good. Now start serving; the lunch rush is about to begin.”

(He walks into the back, leaving me alone at the front store with no idea of what to do. After a moment’s hesitation, I head into the back.)

Me: “Um, sir?”

Manager: “Yes? What are you doing back here? You can’t leave the food counter unattended!”

Me: “Well… it’s just… I was told I’d get training. This is my first day after all.”

(The manager just shrugs.)

Manager: “You cut meat and put ingredients between slices of bread. It’s not that hard. Now get back out there. I’ll be out shortly to man the register.”

(He shoos me out of the back. I am thus left by myself to try and figure out how to make the menu items. There are dozens of ingredients to deal with, and as the customers start pouring in for lunch, I start panicking, as each time someone orders something, I have to repeatedly check the menu behind me for what is used to make what. Of course, it doesn’t list the amounts I’m supposed to use, so that’s a different problem. When the manager does come out to ring up folks’ food, he ignores any questions I try to ask, and just shoots the breeze with the customers. The only saving grace is that most of the lunch rush people are regulars, who are kind enough to help me along with how to make their sandwiches, which bread to use, which spreads, and so on. Even so, the line keeps growing and growing as I keep making mistakes and having to redo orders, until finally the manager notices the hold up and sends me to sit in the back while he finishes the lunch rush. After the store quiets down, he walks back, sifting through a small wad of bills.)

Manager: “Here, that’s for the hours you worked today. This clearly isn’t a good fit for you, so you can go now.”

Me: “What? It didn’t work because I had no idea what to do! As I said on the phone, I’ve never worked in a deli before! I was told you’d provide training!”

(The manager shrugs again.)

Manager: “The training was to see if you can sink or swim. You sank, and made the lunch rush a total mess. I need someone who can come in and get straight to helping out. Leave your apron and hat on the desk please. I need to start cleaning up now.”

(Not wanting to argue further, I head back to my dorms, chalking this up as just a harsh learning experience. That is, until my roommate storms in later that evening looking utterly enraged.)

Me: “[Roommate], what are you doing back? I thought you had your shift at the deli right after your classes were over.”

Roommate: “So did I, until I showed up. [Manage] told me what happened during your first day, and said he didn’t feel comfortable having me work for him, since we’re rooming together. He claimed ‘conflict of interest’ or some crap like that and told me I was fired.”

Me: “Wait, what!?”

Roommate: “Yeah, seriously a**-hole move.”

Me: “I… I am so sorry!”

Roommate: “It’s not your fault. Honestly, I guess I should’ve paid more attention to how often he let me run the food counter solo, and only came out when his regular customers came in to chat. Kind of a red flag now that I think about it.”

Me: “So… what do we do now?”

Roommate: “Well, he said my apron was dirty and that I had to launder it before returning it.” *He pulls his work clothes from his bag.* “Want to vent some anger by running over this with my bike a few times?”

(Sadly, to this day, four years later, that deli remains in business, though it apparently has a ridiculous staff turnover rate, and every time I’ve passed it by, there’s an ad for new employees in the window.)

A Fiery Proposal

, , , | Working | September 19, 2017

(My friend works at a bulk foods store.)

Supervisor: “Hey, [Friend], I need to have a quick talk with you.”

Friend: “Sure. What’s up?”

Supervisor: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go.”

Friend: “What? I don’t understand. Why? I’m still only being trained, and I’ve been complimented on my quick performance.”

Supervisor: “It’s not about you. Despite being understaffed and needing to hire more employees, corporate just gave us a call and ordered us to fire half our staff. It’s not just you, but a lot of long-time employees are leaving, too.”

Friend: “Half the employees? That doesn’t sound right; how does a store this big operate with less than a dozen people?”

Supervisor: “I don’t know. It probably won’t. I’m so sorry for this; it wasn’t our intention to waste your time.”

(My friend took it well, despite the disappointment. From what I heard, they worked off of a skeleton crew, even during the holidays. The store is still open, shockingly. As far as I’m aware the chain, wasn’t going through financial troubles, and there was no news of mass layoffs at other stores.)

A Fallen Branch

, , , , | Working | September 18, 2017

(There has been a lot of anxiety in my office that our branch is in trouble. One of the vice presidents from the United States decides to pay us a visit to address our concerns.)

Vice President: “There is absolutely nothing to be worried about! Your branch is a valued member of the company. Here, I’ll show you. Here’s an organizational chart showing all of the branches.”

(We all stare at the chart and look at each other in disbelief. The vice president, not noticing anything wrong, beams at us. Finally, someone puts up his hand.)

Employee: “Um, Ms. [Vice President], our branch isn’t on that chart.”

Vice President: “What? Of course it is!”

Several Employees: “Really? Where is it, then?”

Vice President: “It’s right… um… oh.” *puts chart away, changes the subject*

(The branch closed several years later, putting a lot of people out of work.)