Don’t Do As I Say, And Don’t Do As I Do, Either

, , , | Working | May 16, 2020

I just started a new job as a dishwasher. The kitchen manager is always hounding and harassing me about how I do my job. I’m cleaning plates carefully.

Kitchen Manager: “NO! You’ll waste our water! Hurry up! Like this!”

He grabs a plate roughly and tosses it into the machine with a crack.

Me: “…”

I imitate him.

Kitchen Manager: “Good!”

Coworker: “Did he seriously say that?”

Later, he comes by again.

Kitchen Manager: “A customer complained about a speck and the plate being chipped! Be more careful!”

Me: “…”

Later, he comes up again.

Kitchen Manager: “Squeeze these lemons using this squeezer. Take your time.”

I take my time. The squeezer is very old and likes to bite fingers if you’re not careful.

Kitchen Manager: *Returns* “Hurry up! You’re not supposed to take hours on it!”

He grabs the squeezer and roughly presses the lemons so all the juice and seeds fly everywhere.

Kitchen Manager: “Like that! Hurry up!”

Me: “…”

Sure enough, he came by later to scold me that I was making a mess and the seeds were getting into the juice. I quit that day. I pity the fool who gets my place with that monster!

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Nothing Like A Story About Blatant Bigotry To Brighten Your Day

, , , , , | Working | May 15, 2020

I used to work as an interviewer in an office for a well-known park. One day, a nice man on crutches with cerebral palsy came in and asked about a job. I felt sorry for him and decided to offer him the telemarketing job, which was to just sit and take calls all day.

However, my boss took one look at him, chased him out, and then literally yelled at me for even considering hiring him for a park even though there were office jobs. Later, I was fired.

I’m glad that I never went back, even though I cried bitter tears. Discrimination is real and alive. I always knew this, but that day, I saw it.

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Whistle While You (Don’t Work)

, , , , , , , | Working | May 13, 2020

It’s Wednesday, around 1:30 or 2:00 pm. I’ve just gotten off the register after helping several customers in a row. We’re waiting on our governor to have another press conference related to the global health situation at 2:00 pm.

My assistant manager is heading toward the same part of the store I am after also doing something up front.

Me: “Is it terrible that I want to say ‘Happy Quarantine’ to every customer I help today?”

Assistant Manager: “Oh, my gosh. Do it, [My Name]! That would be great.”

Me: “Or, like, ‘Happy Lockdown’? I don’t know which is worse.”

Assistant Manager: *Sing-song-ish* “Say it with a smile on your face!”

My co-manager is walking past to go to lunch.

Co-Manager: “Who’s smiling?”

Me: “Me! As usual.”

I laugh as I walk away. Within an hour, our co-manager comes back from his lunch break, giddy that the governor has issued further stay-at-home orders, and our store will be closed starting after business hours Friday. A bit later in the day:

Coworker: “Did you see [Co-Manager]?”

Me: “Not recently, but I heard him singing earlier.”

Coworker: “He was dancing.” *Laughs*

Me: “Sounds right. Oh, [Co-Manager].”

He often sings when he’s bored or excited, but I’ve rarely or never seen him dance. I wish I had! He’s so excited for a break, and I can’t say I blame him.

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The Fireworks Could Have Been Worse

, , , , | Working | May 13, 2020

I am scheduled to work on the fourth of July, which is fine because I don’t do much for it and I get time and a half. I show up for my noon start time.

Assistant Manager: “When you clock on, call [Male Assistant Manager].”

Me: “Okay.”

I walk into the back and find him already there.

Male Assistant Manager: “Okay, so, you are alive. You were supposed to be in at ten.”

Me: “What?! No, I was scheduled for twelve to six.” 

He walks over and checks the schedule.

Male Assistant Manager: “No, you’re on here from ten to six. We thought you had been killed in a car wreck or something because you’re never late. And you always call, even if you’re thirty seconds late. And I already filled your shift and I don’t have the budget to pay an extra person holiday pay. If you want, you can clock on for an hour.”

Me: “In that case, I will just go home. Sorry about the mixup.”

In the end, I got iced out of time and a half and a coworker got it. My schedule had said noon to six for weeks; a few days before, it changed and my brain hadn’t registered it yet. On the upside, I got an extra day off.

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Paging Title Writer— Oh, Wait…

, , , , | Working | May 12, 2020

I’ve been on my lunch break for probably five minutes when this comes over the intercom:

Manager: “[My Name], please—” *pause* “Cancel [My Name].”

I find this kind of funny and laugh it off, assuming he’ll find me after my break. After lunch:

Coworker: “Hey, [Manager] wanted me to let you know that there is [a product in my department] in the back that you should put out today.”

Me: “Oh, okay! I guess I’ll go do that now, then.”

I go find the product right away, as it won’t take long and I’m waiting for a coworker to come back from lunch so we can continue on our project together, anyway. Five or ten minutes later, when I’m back on the project…

Manager: “[My Name]! Did [Coworker] tell you—”

Me: “About the [product]? Yeah, already took care of it.”

My manager shakes his head. He says something about me being too fast or something, kind of a running joke at this point, because I usually do things pretty quickly and he knows it.

A little while later, I have this conversation with an assistant manager:

Me: “[Manager] paged me on my lunch break again and then cancelled it immediately.”

Assistant Manager: “Yeah, I was standing right near him. He said something about you and I said you were on break and he picked up the intercom and started paging you. I guess it didn’t click right away.”

That wasn’t the first time they’ve paged me on a break, and it probably won’t be the last. One of the more entertaining times it’s happened, though.

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