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Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | June 9, 2008

A woman with her young son come up to the counter.

Me: “Hello, ma’am, and welcome to [Fast Food Place]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like two burgers, one of them on a sesame-seedless bun, please.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re actually out of seedless buns right now.”

Customer: “How dare you! My son has deathly allergies to a lot of things, I’ll have you know!”

Me: “Ma’am, is he allergic to sesame seeds?”

Customer: “No, he isn’t.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the only difference between seeded and seedless buns are the sesame seeds, so it will be fine for your son to eat one with seeds.”

Customer: “HOW F****** DARE YOU! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT MY SON CAN OR CANNOT EAT! I WANT A SEEDLESS BUN, D*** YOU! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Yes, of course. Just one moment.”

(I go and get the manager and explain the situation. My manager, NOT a people person, grabs a seeded bun and proceeds to the front with a knife.)

Manager: “HERE IS YOUR D**N SEEDLESS BUN!”

(My manager slices off the top half of the bun and throws it on the counter.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, shut the f*** up.”


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Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

, , , | Right | June 6, 2008

Woman: “I am speaking on behalf of my boss. He wants a tax statement… What do I need to do?”

Me: “You need to put your boss on the phone so I can talk to him about this.”

Woman: “No. ”

Me: “Sorry?”

Woman: “He has given me verbal consent to speak on his behalf.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, I won’t be able to do that. I will need to speak to your boss directly.”

Woman: “Why?”

Me: “Because I need to do a security check with him to protect his privacy.”

Woman: “What privacy?”

Me: “His personal information.”

Woman: “He refuses to deal with you himself.”

Me: “Unfortunately he will HAVE to deal with us himself for us to organise this statement for him. Verbal consent is not valid as we hold very private information about our clients.”

Woman: *deepens voice, obviously attempting to sound like a man* “Okay then, my name is [Boss], I was born on [birthdate], and this is my card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I know that you are not your boss. We do need to speak to Mr. [Boss] himself. Is there anything else I can help with?”

Woman: “F*** YOU!”

Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(A customer spends about fifteen minutes asking every employee where to find the nine-inch taper candles that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she is holding onto a ten-inch taper candle. Our store has never carried a nine-inch taper candle–they only come in six, eight, ten, twelve, and fifteen inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

Manager: *who is also the wife of the owner* “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I know I bought nine-inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

Manager: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a nine-inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

Customer: “I know you had them! Where are they?”

(The owner reaches out and grabs the ten-inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off one inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

Owner: “THERE IS YOUR NINE-INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

Manager: “You just did.”


This story is part of the Awesome Manager roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories About Employees Giving The Customer The Perfect Comeback

 

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The Estrogen Empire Strikes Back

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2008

(A customer had a complaint about his food. He refused to let the woman working the register help him.)

Man: “I want to talk to a manager.”

Female Employee: “Yes, sir.”

(The employee gets a shift manager to help her.)

Shift Manager: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “No, I want a manager!”

Shift Manager: “I am a shift manager, sir.”

Man: “I want to see the store manager!”

Shift Manager: “Uhm, okay, sir, I’ll be right back.”

(I was in the office working on the crew schedules for the next week. Shift Manager comes in and asks me to deal with the customer. She didn’t need to explain. I’d heard it all… He was very loud. I went to help deal with the situation.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “I want to see a f****** God-d*** manager! Where’s the f****** store manager?”

Me: “I am the store manager, Sir.”

Man: “I want to speak to a male manager!”

Me: “Sir, all of my shift managers are female. As, clearly, am I.”

(Actually, every person working that day was female.)

Man: “I demand to speak to your d*** f***ing boss!”

Me: “I can get you a number so you can call my district manager, sir. Will that be okay?”

Man: “Finally! DO IT NOW!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Just a second.”

(I go into my office and grab one of the district manager’s cards.)

Me: “Here you are, sir. If you give HER a call, I’m sure SHE will be happy to help you.”

(I thought he was going to have a heart attack after that. Purple was definitely not his color.)


This story is part of our Women’s Equality Day roundup!

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Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota

, , , | Right | March 10, 2008

(A customer gives me a Canadian quarter. I refuse to accept it. He gets angry.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t accept this quarter. It’s Canadian.”

Customer: “So? I got it from somewhere in the US so you must accept it.”

Me: “No, sir, I can not. My drawer will come up short.”

Customer: “It’s not my fault someone gave me this quarter! Why should I take the blame for it? Take the quarter!”

Me: “Oh, I see. So it is my fault, then?”

Customer: “YES! Take the quarter!”

(I take a quarter out of my pocket and then throw that Canadian quarter across the room to a trash can.)

Customer: “Call your manager.”

Me: *smiling* “I am the owner, sir. How can I help you?”