Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(A customer spends about 15 minutes asking every employee where to find the 9 inch taper candles that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she is holding onto a 10-inch taper candle. Our store has never carried a 9-inch taper candle–they only come in 6, 8, 10, 12, and 15 inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

Manager: *who is also the wife of the owner* “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I know I bought 9-inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

Manager: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a 9-inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

Customer: “I know you had them! Where are they?”

(The owner reaches out and grabs the 10-inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off one inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

Owner: “THERE IS YOUR 9-INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

Manager: “You just did.”

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The Estrogen Empire Strikes Back

, , , | Right | March 20, 2008

(A customer had a complaint about his food. He refused to let the woman working the register help him.)

Man: “I want to talk to a manager.”

Female employee: “Yes, sir.”

(The employee gets a shift manager to help her.)

Shift Manager: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “No, I want a manager!”

Shift Manager: “I am a shift manager, sir.”

Man: “I want to see the store manager!”

Shift Manager: “Uhm, okay, sir, I’ll be right back.”

(I was in the office working on the crew schedules for the next week. Shift Manager comes in and asks me to deal with the customer. She didn’t need to explain. I’d heard it all… He was very loud. I went to help deal with the situation.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “I want to see a f**king God-da** manager! Where’s the @#$%ing store manager?”

Me: “I am the store manager, Sir.”

Man: “I want to speak to a male manager!”

Me: “Sir, all of my shift managers are female. As, clearly, am I.”

(Actually, every person working that day was female.)

Man: “I demand to speak to your d*** f***ing boss!”

Me: “I can get you a number so you can call my district manager, sir. Will that be okay?”

Man: “Finally! DO IT NOW!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Just a second.”

(I go into my office and grab one of the district manager’s cards.)

Me: “Here you are, sir. If you give HER a call, I’m sure SHE will be happy to help you.”

(I thought he was going to have a heart attack after that. Purple was definitely not his color.)

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Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota

, , , | Right | March 10, 2008

(A customer gives me a Canadian quarter. I refuse to accept it. He gets angry.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t accept this quarter. It’s Canadian.”

Customer: “So? I got it from somewhere in the US so you must accept it.”

Me: “No, sir, I can not. My drawer will come up short.”

Customer: “It’s not my fault someone gave me this quarter! Why should I take the blame for it? Take the quarter!”

Me: “Oh, I see. So it is my fault, then?”

Customer: “YES! Take the quarter!”

(I take a quarter out of my pocket and then throw that Canadian quarter across the room to a trash can.)

Customer: “Call your manager.”

Me: *smiling* “I am the owner, sir. How can I help you?”

 

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Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

, , | Right | November 19, 2007

Customer: “I’d like pineapple on my sub.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have pineapple. Only [Other Sandwich Shop] has pineapple.”

Customer: “Yes, you do! I always get pineapple here!”

Me: “I’ve worked here for quite a while, and we’ve never had it. Sorry!”

Customer: “Excuse me, the customer is always right! You can’t argue with me!”

Me: “Um…”

Customer:  *to my manager* “Excuse me, your employee is arguing with me! What are you going to do about it?”

Manager: “Don’t be so stupid! Get out of my store!”

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