The Only Thing He Should Be Running Is Scared

, , | Working | June 25, 2012

(This takes place at a 24-hour drugstore on Thanksgiving. We’re having a big toy sale and are very busy. I’m on the top rung of a ladder pulling items for customers below me when this takes place.)

Me: “I’m so sorry for your wait, you guys. If you give me just one more moment, I’ll get everything you’ve asked for!”

Customer #1: “Oh, honey, it’s okay. You guys are so busy!”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I don’t think we truly anticipated how busy we’d be. You wanted one ‘Cars’ fishing game and a Tinkerbell flowers fishing game, correct?”

Customer #1: “That’s right.”

Customer #2: “Well, with a sale like this!”

Me: “Can’t argue with that, sir! You wanted the flying fairy princess doll, is that right?”

Customer #2: *laughing* “Well, I don’t, but my niece will love it.”

Me: *to Customer #3* “…and ma’am, you wanted the Disney Princess tea set. Is that right?”

Customer #3: “That’s right! Wow, you’ve got a good memory!”

Me: “Thank you! ”

(At this point, my boss, who has barely exited his office all day, walks up.)

Boss: *to me* “Hey, someone is waiting to use the bathroom. Go let them in.”

Me: “Okay, it’ll be just a moment. Where’s [Coworker]?”

Boss: “On break.”

Me: “But they’ve only been here 45 minutes.”

Boss: “So?”

Me: “I’ve been here six hours, and you haven’t let me take a break yet. Also, more importantly, I’m busy right now.”

Boss: “Well, that person needs to use the restroom. Go do your job.”

Customer #3: “Sir, I mean no disrespect, but clearly she’s doing her job. Do you not see her on top of the ladder? Why don’t you just let them in yourself?”

Boss: “That’s not my job. It’s my employees’ jobs…” *snidely to me* “…even if they’re trying to be lazy.”

Customer #2: *to my boss* “What is your job?”

Boss: “To make sure the store runs smoothly.”

Customer #1: “You’re doing a poor job of it.”

Boss: *turns bright red and grits his teeth* “…and just who are you to judge?”

Customer #1: “A customer.”

Boss: *waves her off*

Customer #2: *very serious* “You are NOT too good to help your employees. Just because you are in a management position does not exempt you from helping. You should go let that customer into the restroom. And after this young lady is done helping us, you should make sure she takes her lunch.”

Boss: “I make the store run! You can’t tell me how to run my store!”

Customer #2: “No, you don’t ‘make the store run.’ Your employees do. And this young lady has been running her tail off since I’ve been here. You have no idea who I am, do you?”

Boss: “Someone who has no idea how the store works?”

Customer #2: *laughs* “No, I’m [Customer #2].”

Me: *startled* “From district?!”

Customer #2: “That’s right, and I think…” *to my boss* “…you and I need to have a LONG talk.”

(At this point, I finally get to the bottom of the ladder and start handing out the items.)

Me: “Here you go everyone. Thank you so much for your patience and have a Happy Thanksgiving!”

Boss: *to me* “Just go get coworker and take your lunch!”

([Customer #1] and [Customer #3] wished me the same, while [Customer #2] — who was in fact from corporate — dragged my boss into the office for that “talk.”)

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Chemically Imbalanced

, | Working | June 23, 2012

(I have just started work with a new company to get some experience during my senior year of college. This happens during my first week.)

Boss: “Okay, I need you to take all these chemicals out of this barrel and put them in the cabinet here.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. So why are they all thrown into this barrel? Just using it to move them around?”

Boss: “No, actually, the EPA tried to confiscate all of them, but I stole them back!”

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An Accident Fating To Happen

, , , | Working | June 15, 2012

(I work in a research facility in the middle of nowhere, so I need my car to get to work. One night on the way home in bad weather, my car skids and hits a tree. After calling the police and my fiancé, I call my boss.)

Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name] from unit 8. I just wanted to call and say I won’t be in tomorrow. I’ve just had a car accident.”

Boss: “Oh, my gosh, are you okay?”

Me: “I’m okay, but I think my car’s a write-off. I won’t be in until my insurance sorts a replacement.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll let everyone know.”

Me: “I can’t really afford to take any unpaid leave right now. Would it be okay if tomorrow was classed as annual holiday? I’ve got some time saved up.”

Boss: “No problem.”

(I get a courtesy sorted the next day and only take one day off. A week later, though…)

Me: “Hi. I just got my payslip for last week and it’s a day short. Could you check that for me?”

Boss: *checks payslip* “Okay, I see it was for the day you had off after your car accident.”

Me: “But I thought we’d agreed that would be annual leave? Shouldn’t I have holiday pay for it?”

Boss: “We did. But you didn’t fill out a holiday form before you took the day off. I should have had the form a week before you had the accident!”

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Dementia In Absentia

, , | Working | April 26, 2012

(The owner of the place isn’t all quite there — too much to drink some days — and hardly knows how to run a business. Every day, she calls in to check on business.)

Me: *answering the phone* “Welcome to [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Owner: *sounds hungover* “[My Name]? When did you start working?”

Me: “I’ve been here since we opened at seven am.”

Owner: “What time is it now?”

Me: “Almost 11.”

Owner: “Okay, I’ll be in around noon.”

(Noon rolls by and she doesn’t show up until around six pm.)

Owner: “Sorry, I’m late. I had to do errands.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, I’m almost finished cleaning up and then I’ll be leaving.”

Owner: “That’s fine.”

(The owner pulls out a bottle of rum hidden in the freezer, grabs a cake from the cooler, and then empties out the register.)

Owner: “I’m going home now. See you tomorrow.”

Me: “All right. I’ll lock up when I’m done.”

(I finish cleaning up by seven pm and just before I lock up, my cellphone rings. It shows my boss on the caller ID.)

Me: “Hi, [Boss], I’m leaving now.”

Owner: “On your way home can you drop me off my bottle of rum, maybe a cake, and tell me how much money is in the drawer?”

Me: “Uh, when you stopped by earlier, you took the rum, the cake, and the money.”

Owner: “No, I didn’t!”

Me: “Yes, you did. You put your money in your pocket, and took the bottle of rum and the cake to your car.”

Owner: “I swear you stole it! I’m going to call the cops and they’ll be arriving the same time that I get there!”

Me: “I swear that you stopped by and picked up the rum, your cake, and the money from the register not even an hour ago.”

(I hear a car door open in the background, followed by a string of swears.)

Me: “I take it you found what you were looking for?”

Owner: *flustered* “You lucked out this time! I found the cake and the money, but the bottle of rum is empty and sitting on the passenger seat of my car!”

Me: “Did you drink it on your way home? I don’t think the cops would have appreciated that.”

Owner: *click*

(I closed up shop, left my key, and never returned to work after that!)

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The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 4

, , | Right | August 9, 2011

(Back in 1990, my mom worked at a coffee chain. She has never given incorrect change for the year she works there. On her last day of work, a customer orders a $0.90 drink, and the total comes out to $0.99. He hands her a $1, leaves, and comes back five minutes later.)

Customer: “You b****, you gave me the wrong change!”

Cashier: “Well–”

Customer: *yelling* “I want to see the manager!”

Manager: *walks in* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “This dumba** woman gave me the wrong change! I gave her a $20 and she only gave me 1 cent back!”

Manager: *looking at cashier* “Give him $19 to make up the difference!”

Cashier: “But, he paid with a sing–”

Manager: “I said, give him back his money. God, women are so bad at math.”

(The cashier hands over the money. At the end of the day, she was fired for being exactly $19 short.)

 

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