(A lady calls into our bookstore. We are a private, Christian, non-profit organization. She wants to know about circumcision and any materials pertaining to that subject. I am confused as to why she wants it.)

Lady: “Hi, do you guys have any books on circumcision?”

Me: “Uh… no. That is mainly a Jewish practice, started in the Old Testament by Abraham and his family as a holy covenant with God.”

Lady: “That’s fascinating! Well, my nephew has just been born and the family was talking about it, and I didn’t know what it was. Every time I ask they avoid the subject with me.”

(After explaining to her what it was and why people did it, I told her that the practice today is done by a trained professional called the Mohel or by a medical professional.)

Lady: “So, it’s not as bad as it sounds! So do you think I could do it on my boyfriend? Here he is now!”

(Her boyfriend apparently walked into the room. She proceeded to check his penis to see if he was circumcised and tell me the gory details over the phone.)

Lady: “Can it be done with some scissors?”

Me: “Um… no… you would have to go to the hospital for that.”

Lady: “But you said it was not that bad!”

Me: “Yes, but if it’s not done right you can seriously hurt your boyfriend.”

Lady: “Oh. But Abraham did it with a knife!”

Me: “That was a long time ago and I’m sure he had divine intervention to help him!”

(I am a customer in this story. I am looking for a book for class. Seeing that the only employee at the help desk is already assisting a customer, I go to search for the book on my own. Unsuccessful, I return to the desk ten minutes later to see the same customer still there. He is speaking very slowly, as if half-asleep.)

Customer: “I’m sure you have it. It’s supposed to be a very good book.”

Employee: “I’m sure it is, but nothing is coming up in my search. Are you sure you can’t remember the title?”

Customer: *ignoring question* “Economics. It’s about economics. The lecture was very interesting.”

Employee: “Well, we have a lot of books on economics. How about [Book #1]? That one is very popular.”

Customer: “No, no. It was in the lecture. That’s not it. He mentioned it and I want to read it.”

Employee: “Yes, I understand, but unfortunately I won’t be able to find that exact book if you don’t know the title, author, or specific subject matter.”

Customer: “Economics. Bad economics. Like monsters. Monsters in the economy…” *begins talking about current economic events*

(This goes on for another agonizing eight to ten minutes, and I’m torn between laughing and being extremely annoyed, but I am incredibly impressed at the employee’s patience. Another employee finally comes to the desk to assist me, and is able to confirm within 30 seconds that the book I’m looking for is out of stock. Just as I’m about to leave, I hear:)

Employee: “Sir, what about [Book #2]? I searched for recent lectures on economics and this book came up. Does [Book #2] sound familiar?”

Customer: “No… Well, yes. That could be it. That might be it. Yes. That was the book.”

Employee: “Fantastic! We don’t currently have it in stock, but I can order it for you and it will be here by the end of the week.”

Customer: “Oh, no. No, I don’t want to buy it. I just wanted the title. I’ll go find it at the library.” *leaves without saying thank you*

Employee: *slowly lowers head onto desk*

(My colleague is calling customers to let them know that their orders arrived. She leaves a message on an answering machine.)

Colleague: “Hello, this is [Colleague]. I am calling to let you know that your book arrived today. Thanks. Bye.”

Me: *staring at her*

Colleague: “What?”

Me: “You probably should have let her know that you are calling from [Store]. Just an idea.”

Colleague: “Oh, my God.” *cracks up laughing*

(The customer did get her book.)

(An older woman comes up to buy a book for her granddaughter.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Well, I did have a question. You see…”

(She goes on to tell me a very long story about how she is drowning in credit card debt and can’t make her payments, and how the bank is going to take away her house soon. The entire story takes about ten minutes.)

Customer: “…So, I guess my question is, do you have any books that I could buy so I don’t have to hire a lawyer?”

Me: *stunned* “Um. Well, we have a finance section over there.”

Customer: “Those books are too expensive; I can’t afford to buy them.”

Me: “All right. Well, your total is $29.59.”

Customer: *pays with a credit card*

(I didn’t say anything at the time, but lady, there is no book in the world that will replace a lawyer, and you should probably not use credit cards if you’re drowning in credit card debt.)

(I tend to dress rather casually at work and, on this day, I’ve worn a bright orange T-shirt with my usual jeans. When I get home after work:)

Me: “You know, I might have to rethink some of my wardrobe choices.”

Husband: “Oh? Why’s that?”

Me: “One of my customers called me ‘Pumpkin’ today.”