Mavis Beacon’s Cousin Or Something

| New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading

Customer: “I’m looking for this foreign language program my friend has, but I can’t remember the name of it.”

Me: “Okay, well, was it a book or was it for the computer?”

Customer: “It goes on the computer. I think it was called…Susan?”

Me: “Susan? I can’t say I’ve heard of it.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m sure you have. It’s very famous! I just can’t remember her last name. It’s her first and last name. Can you look it up?”

(I bring her to the computer and try to pull up the name of the program, but the computer can’t find anything.)

Customer: “Maybe it’s not Susan. It’s definitely a woman’s name, though.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t find it. Let me show you where all the computer programs like that are, though. Maybe it’ll jog your memory.”

(I walk her over educational computer program area.)

Customer: “Oh, I see it! Rosetta Stone! I knew it was a woman’s name.”

One Man In His Time Drinks Many Cups

| New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading

Customer: “Can you help me find a book?”

Me: “Sure! What’s it called?”

Customer: “It’s Romeo and Juliet, but it’s not by William Shakespeare.”

Me: “Oh! I actually don’t know any other books or plays with that title. Let’s look it up.”

Customer: “Hold on, I have the author’s name somewhere.”

(She digs through her purse and hands me a sheet of paper that says ROMEO AND JULIET (Folger Shakespeare) on it.)

Customer: “It’s like his grandson or something.”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Customer: “Folger Shakespeare. It’s William Shakespeare’s grandson…or his nephew. He wrote a different version of the play, I guess.”

Me: “Folger Shakespeare actually just refers to the Folger Library version of that play. It’s still by William Shakespeare.”

Customer: “No, it’s his relative! It’s a re-write of the play. I’m a theater student, just trust me on this.”

Me: “Okay. Let me take you over to our Shakespeare section.”

(We walk over to where his entire collection of plays is. It’s full of many different editions.)

Customer: “Wow, he came from a really talented family! Look at all these Shakespeares! So, where’s this Folger guy?”

Identifiers Are For Life

| Des Moines, IA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

(Customers can come into the store to buy books, or they can create an account with an e-mail address and purchase books online. The account is your email address and whatever password they choose. A customer and his girlfriend come up the service desk.)

Me: “How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I can’t access my online account.”

Me: “Okay, I can help. What is your e-mail address?”

Customer: “Um…” *stares at the floor*

Me: “Sir? Your email address?”

Customer: *quietly says something*

Me: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Could you repeat that please?”

(By now, other customers are waiting for assistance. Suddenly, the customer shouts his email address, loud enough for everyone to hear.)

Customer: “Im-a-whore@[ISP].com!”