(I work in a bookshop where we have two large windows at the front. We create really elaborate window displays, all instructions passed down from corporate. People will often ask for things out of the window, even if they are on display in the store. One day, a middle-aged man marches in and points to the window.)

Customer: “I want the book in the bottom corner of the window. Get it for me now!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t get you that specific book, as it’s at the foot of the tower, but I have plenty in the stockroom. I’ll go get one now.”

(I walk away and go into the back to find the customer’s book. It’s a huge hardback of Dante’s “Inferno” with all the pictures, so whilst we have one on the shop floor, it’s a display model. Even if it wasn’t at the bottom of the pile, I have to go to the back for a real copy, anyway. I take two minutes max. We are not a big shop. When I get back, the customer is nowhere to be seen.)

Me: “Hey! [Coworker], have you seen the guy that wanted the illustrated Dante?”

Coworker: “He ran out of here like his a*** was on fire! I have no idea why!”

(Like his a*** was on fire? Close. What had actually happened was that he had tried to squeeze into the small doorway to the window and snatch the book so he didn’t have to wait. He then knocked the entire tower into the HOT lights illuminating them. We didn’t notice until the entire display was in flames about five minutes later. The front of the shop was ruined and the bookshop had to close for six months.)

(I work in the kid’s section of a bookstore. A scenario like this happens about once a month, except in summer when it happens at least every week. A parent and child enter the section:)

Parent: *upbeat and cheery* “Now, [Child], you go ahead and pick any book you want to read, and I’ll buy it for you!”

Child: “Awesome!”

(The child inevitably goes straight to our section on Lego, Star Wars, Minecraft, etc. They pick out the biggest, beefiest book they can find, which often comes with a toy.)

Child: “I want this one.”

Parent: *disapprovingly* “No, not that one.”

Child: “But I want it!”

Parent: “No! That one’s full of junk. Pick something else; I’m not buying you that.”

Child: *picks up another book in the same section* “This one looks awesome!”

Parent: “Ugh, no, that’s another junk book. It’s not going to teach you anything, and you’re just buying it for the toy. I’m not getting you that.”

(The child is confused and upset. The parent stalks over to the novel section, browses for a few minutes, and calls their child over.)

Parent: “Pick something from here. These are good books.”

Child: “But I don’t want any of these books; I want one of the other ones!”

Parent: *snapping* “NO! Absolutely not. You’re getting something from here, or we’re leaving without anything at all.”

(It’s at this point that the parent will often bring me over and ask me what books their child would like. I try to get information from the kid — do they like fantasy, adventure, real-life, animal stories, etc.? — but it’s a lost cause. The child is so upset from getting yelled at, and so let down from not getting the book they originally chose, that 80% of the time everyone leaves empty-handed and grumpy. Parents, set clear expectations for your kids! Don’t promise them any book in the store if what you really mean is a serious chapter book. Don’t get angry at them because you weren’t specific enough in the first place!)

(My coworker is in her last half-hour of her last day at the bookstore, and she’s ready for revenge. All summer long, we’ve had the mandatory summer reading section set up. Of course, 90% of the students come in with Mom and Dad two days before school starts to get their books. A sixteen-year-old boy comes in with his parents.)

Coworker: “May I find something for you?”

Boy: “I need a summer reading book.”

Coworker: “Okay. What’s it called?”

Boy: “I dunno, but it has 186 pages.”

Coworker: *to the boy and his parents* “Do you have your list?”

Boy & Parents: *blank faces*

Boy: “It has 186 pages.”

(There are easily 100 books on the summer reading shelves. I see it coming and I don’t believe she’s really going to do it…)

Coworker: *pointing to the rack* “In this section are all the books under 100 pages. Over here are all the books from 100 to 250 pages.” *walks away*

(I’m running my particular department by myself on this Saturday; I got roped into covering a shift. It’s not so terrible, but I sell fine art supplies and I get the chance to deal with the most pompous customers from time to time. The phone rings, and I answer.)

Me: “Art and supplies; how may I help you today?”

Caller: “Do you have [Paint Brand]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we—“

Caller: *starts rambling about something unrelated* “So, do you have it?”

Me: “We—“

Caller: “I want cadmium red, orange, and a blue. Do you have [Paint Brand]?”

Me: “Sir, we don’t hav—“

Caller: “Do you have it?”

Me: “We don—“

Caller: “Stop interrupting me! You know, you young people are so g**d*** RUDE!” *starts rambling on and on*

Me: *hangs up*

(I am visiting my sister at work around Easter time; she owns a small bookshop. I am the only person under forty in the shop and I’m sat near the children’s section drinking a cup of coffee. A customer comes in to pick up a book and I see her chatting to my sister at the till about her children. She stops mid-sentence to glance over at me, and then whispers the rest. My sister laughs and whispers something back which causes the customer to look embarrassed and she leaves.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Sister: “She was telling me about her youngest child still believing in the Easter Bunny but didn’t want to say it too loud in case you still believed in it, too!”

Me: “Really?! What did you tell her?”

Sister: “That it shouldn’t be a problem as you’re turning 21 next week!”

(I’ve often been told I look younger than my actual age, and have even been ID’d for a 15-rated movie, but this was the worst one!)