Re-Vamping Dracula

| El Paso, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I need to get a refund for this book. You gave me the wrong book.”

Me: “Didn’t you ask for Dracula?”

Customer: “No! I read this book and it is nothing like the movie.”

Me: “Actually, Francis Ford Coppola completely re-wrote the story when he filmed his version of Dracula. I can help you find that version, if you’d like.”

Customer: “No! I want the Van Helsing version.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yeah, in Van Helsing, Van Helsing is the main character and he fights Dracula and Frankenstein.”

Me: “That film is a complete work of fiction. Van Helsing never fought Frankenstein or Frankenstein’s monster.”

Customer: “Yes he did! The movie said so! What do you know?”

Me: “Bram Stroker was a little boy when Mary Shelley died, so she never read Dracula.”

Customer: “I think you are lying. The movie and Hugh Jackman would never lie!” *storms off*

Customer #2: *overhearing* “I hate Hollywood.”

How Not To Get Into Their Good Books

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [bookstore], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, how much are your books?”

Me: “What book were you looking for?”

Caller: “No, your books. How much are they?”

Me: “They are all priced differently. Are you looking for one in particular?”

Caller: “No.” *click*

Creative Creature Literature 101

| Memphis, TN, USA | Top

Customer: “Do you have How to Catch a Mole?”

Me: “I don’t know of that book, let me check.”

Customer: “I have to read it for school.”

Me: “No, we don’t have that.”

Customer: “It’s really famous. I think Dante wrote it.”

Me: “Dante? ”

Customer: “Or someone like that.”

Me: “What class is this for?”

Customer: “English Literature.”

Me: *inspiration strikes* “You mean Taming of the Shrew!”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Vaguely Unfamiliar

| South Dakota, USA | Top

Customer: “I am looking for one of those things that are like a book, but not a book.”

Me: “Do you mean a magazine?”

Customer: “No, no. It is like a book, but not a book.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “You know! A book thing, but not a book.”

(After the customer tries to explain this object to me for about 10 minutes, my coworker comes back from lunch.)

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “I asked your coworker if you have those things that are like books but not books, but she is too simple to understand.”

Coworker: “You mean a magazine?”

Customer: “No! Is it so hard to just find one of those things? I thought this was a bookstore!”

(Overhearing us, my manager tries to help.)

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I am looking for a thing that is like a book, but not a book.”

Manager: “Well, let’s go look for it…”

(My manager ended up leading the customer all around the store, pointing out every thing we had. The thing that was like a book but not a book? A bookmark.)

Senseless Sensibility

| Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have the movie Sense and Sensibility?”

Me: “Yes we do, did you want the British or the American version?”

Customer: “I don’t know which one it was, but it has two parts.”

Me: “I think that would be the British version.”

(I take her to the section and show her the movie.)

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! I’ll take it!”

Me: “Great! Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: “Does this movie use subtitles?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s British.”

Customer: “Well I don’t know! I’m not an English major!”

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