That Won’t Fly In This Store

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | September 5, 2012

(A disheveled, belligerent customer approaches our manager.)

Customer: “You need to tell me why that old woman on the third floor is cussin’ me out!”

Manager: “Another customer, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, she’s yellin’ at me, and you need to make her stop!”

(The manager speaks with an employee upstairs to get the other customer’s side of the story, and then returns to the first customer.)

Manager: “Sir, the other customer claims you exposed yourself to her.”

Customer: “I’m a customer here all the time! You need to make her stop!”

Manager: “Sir, I have to ask you to stop.”

Customer: “What?! I’m a customer! Why?”

Manager: “Because your fly is down.”

Customer: “Well, it happens!”

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What A BS Degree

, | The Netherlands | Right | August 29, 2012

(I’ve been helping a student from China get her books for her Master’s programme. Her English is fine, but she has a strong accent. After I’ve finished helping her, the next customer steps up.)

Customer: “If that’s how she speaks English, she’s going to have serious trouble with Dutch. She’ll be useless in class!”

Me: “Actually, her courses are all in English, so she won’t have to learn Dutch.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous! They’re making all these courses in English to let lazy foreigners get in easily. What about us, hmm? We have to put up with having to speak a foreign language in our own country just so she can come here and basically get handed a place at university by the stupid management. I bet she’ll get a job here, too. Everyone seems to think it’s more prestigious to hire some foreigner than someone who actually knows the language and the culture and everything!”

Me: “… Anyway, let’s get your books. What is your major?”

Customer: “International relations.”

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Chauvinists To The Right Of Them, Chauvinists To The Left Of Them

, , , | USA | Learning | August 28, 2012

(I’m in a college bookstore looking for used textbooks. I’ve already got one textbook when I’m approached by another customer. Note: I’m female, and the other customer is male.)

Customer: “Hey! You took the book I need!”

Me: “Oh, there are other copies on the shelf.”

Customer: “That’s the cheapest used copy! I saw it earlier and I was coming back for it!”

Me: “Umm… well, I’m sorry if I seem unsympathetic, but why didn’t you just buy it earlier?”

Customer: “Because, I was running late for class! Now, give it!” *holds out his hand*

Me: “Umm… no. I’m sorry, but I’m purchasing this book because I need it for my own classes. There are other copies, so…”

Customer: *stomps his foot* “You give me that book and you give it right now! No girl can ever understand that subject, anyway!”

(Overhearing the commotion, an employee walks up.)

Employee: “Is there a problem?”

Me: “It’s no big deal. I just grabbed this copy of the textbook, and for some reason he doesn’t want to grab one of the other ones on the shelf.”

Employee: “I wasn’t asking you.” *to the male customer* “What’s going on?”

Customer: “She took the cheapest used copy of that textbook. Girls are too r*****ed to understand that subject, so she can’t have that book! Tell her to give it to me NOW!”

Employee: *to me* “He’s right. That subject is awfully hard, you know. Much too hard for girls. Shouldn’t you take the intro class?”

Me: “First, I already have taken the intro class. Second, I don’t find it that difficult to understand, just fascinating. Third, I want to talk to your manager!”

Employee: “No. Just hand over the book, little girl.”

Me: *rolling eyes* “Toodles, boys. You’re not worth my time…”

(I went to the register and was rung through by another young man who was much more polite. He *did* call the manager for me, and I explained the situation. The manager called the employee over and fired him on the spot. When he saw the other customer, it turned out that guy worked in the store, too, and he was also fired.)

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The Caste-mer Is Always Right

| FL, USA | Right | August 25, 2012

(At our bookstore, we don’t employ cleaners; everyone pitches in, including the manager. At the end of one day, I am mopping the floor. There is still one customer browsing around after making purchases.)

Customer: “Hey, weren’t you my cashier?”

Me: “Yes, I was.”

Customer: “Then why are you cleaning? Where are your cleaners?”

Me: “No cleaners here; everyone pitches in.”

Customer: “Why? Only the lowest of people should be cleaning. You’re better than that.”

Me: “The manager does the cleaning, too.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! He’s the manager. No manager in their right mind would clean! I would never clean if I was a manager.”

Me: “Well, ours does. Do you have a problem with that?”

Customer: “Yes! I’m not coming back here again!” *storms out*

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Not Feeling Your Fetishes

| Mankato, MN, USA | Right | August 24, 2012

(I’m ringing a customer up, when suddenly she runs her fingers through my hair as I’m leaning down to write something.)

Customer: “Sorry! Couldn’t resist. Such soft hair! I have a hair fetish… and a foot fetish. But only if they’re clean. You have clean fingernails! So, you’re good.”

Me: “Uh, thanks…”

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